£108 on his soft drinks every month

[Rainbowsworms]

I've been going through our expenditures today after realising how much money was going out of the account every month. I haven't kept a close eye on outgoings - I will own that. I have ADHD and it's not my strong point.

I have calculated that DP is spending £108 per month on his drinks alone.

He refuses to drink water/juice/cordial and moans when there's no fizzy pop, so he insists on buying a big bottle of lemonade from the corner shop most days at £2 a go, so thats £60 per month.

If that wasn't bad enough, he has atleast one Monster energy drink every night. They cost £1.60 so £48 per month.

£108 per month on fucking drinks.

AIBU to think that is bloody ridiculous.

I just edited that post. Should have RTFT 🤦🏽‍♀️, sorry. He's definitely got heaps of spending money too. I like your plan moving forward.

Take your card off him now. He can manage on his own wage

The usual mn mantra is that all money is family money and seperate finances are usually derided as dysfunctional and an indicator of not being a proper couple
Interesting in this case of @Rainbowsworms being the female higher earner and he’s the low wage male a lot of posters are saying he has to manage his own monies

£1,300 a year on fizzy pop and energy drinks is disgusting when you haven't got that much money to start with. Then add in the crisps and whatever he spend on lunch at work and you are getting towards a family holiday. You need to write it down show him and tell him enough is enough. Don't let him near your bank card.

Do you think so? This evening I told him that his cavalier spending on my card makes me feel taken advantage of. He looked very ashamed.

My DC don't drink fizzy drinks, at all. I wouldn't have it. I don't drink them myself bar the odd occasion if out for a meal I might have a diet coke. He's very much the only one with those habits.

Ugh ..complete man child.

The cost isn't the biggest issue, it's addiction and the sugar and in particular chemicals being put in the body and nuking his teeth, gums etc. cruising towards diabetes, heart problems, kidney problems....

Needs a talking to about health, I bet his blood pressure is through the roof. Basically shortening his life as well.

Needs to act like an adult and take responsibility and sort it out. I agree with above, man child. Get a grip.

I don't agree with totally separate finances, except for particular circumstances like second marriages involving children from previous relationships.

The three accounts method (a current account each and a joint current, plus optional joint savings account) keeps the household spending as joint but makes it easier to manage personal spending, especially if the two people have very different attitudes to money.

Find a thread where a female lower earner wants to take her male partner's bank card to spend on fizzy drinks for half the month at this cost and everyone on MN agrees that's fine.

Well, you won't find that thread. The joint money threads often involve SAHMs or women working part-time to manage childcare hence the earning disparity and the need to make things fair.

So please don't be so ridiculous and disingenuous as to pretend you think this scenario is about gender-based double standards.

If he can’t afford it he needs to cut back. I spend way more but can afford it so it’s not an issue.

Sorry what does ADHD have to do with this?

The double standard operating is the mantra Family money is usually applied when it is a male who is higher earner of the two. So I suggest you don't pretend there isn’t a different response or dismiss any reference to the muted family money response . Clearly it’s elicited a response form you though, the hyperbole of ridiculous and disingenious

he is reckless and bad with money, his carbonated drink fixation is costly and unhealthy

Monster energy drinks and phone credit. I’m imaging a scallywag on a BMX with a burner phone and a black hoodie, not a grown man.

Nope, family money is advised as the standard for families unless someone is financially irresponsible - which the OP's partner is.

In this case, no one is advising that it's reasonable for one member of the family to spend a large amount of family money on soft drinks, therefore a different system has to operate.

It's not a case of - if the man earns less it should be separate finances but joint if the women earns less. The advice to separate finances here is entirely based on the bloke's decision to spend £800 in 1.5 weeks on nothing substantial and then use the OP's card to buy expensive lemonade and monster drinks for the rest of the month. Why would anyone advise family money in this case, whatever sex anyone in the scenario is?

I think you need to seriously think about being with someone who cares so little about his health and has zero understanding of budgeting. Im not a health free, eat a normal diet (with treats) like most people, but he is setting himself up for horrible health problems (if he doesn’t already have them). I wouldn’t be with someone who is happy to massively increase their risk of a heart attack and cares so little about their body.

Well he could be buying alcohol. I don't see the problem myself.

Absolutely this.

He doesn’t sound like a grown adult. These sound like problems with an out of control teenager.

unrelated to OP - what helped you kick you Diet Coke habit? It’s my last vice left - and I don’t want to let it gooooo

but common sense and an increasing body of research about artificial sweeteners and the gut micro biome…

I mentioned my ADHD in my OP to explain why it has taken me some time to look at, and notice, how much he was spending on my card.

He’s financially feckless that’s the problem
So because it’s not alcohol it’s not an issue? That’s like saying At least it’s not crack

Im presuming you don’t drink huge quantities of those every day. A few coffees a day plus sticking to the guidelines on drinking (and ofcourse going abit wild every so often for a night out/special occasion) isn’t going to be an issue. Most people have a drink at the weekend. We’re not taking about balanced, moderate behaviour here.

Im hoping your partner would try and help and support you if you were taking it too far, drinking huge amounts of alcohol every day and generally not giving a damn about your health. This is what he is doing with sugar and energy drinks.

Sorry but that is ridiculous and that volume of sugar must be bad for his health! Maybe one small can of coke or similar if really wants to have something but other than that not necessary and a waste of money!

He’s drinking himself into an early, sugary grave. He’ll be diabetic by the end of the year at this rate!

Omg, I feel you... My ex husband used to drink 3 Monsters a day! It's bloody addiction and everyone who thinks it's "just an energy drink" - please... He was literally shaking if he was "late" for his morning Monster. Money wise - it's unacceptable.

Yes, I agree.