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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

XL Bully + visitation

133 replies

Kipdfgy · 05/02/2024 16:25

Hello, posting here as I’m not sure where else to post this. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.
My DD (10yo) sees her father once a month for a weekend, we don’t have a visitation order in place or anything like that. She has always lived with me.

Her dad has an XL bully, so far he hasn’t registered the dog as he has to pay for it..and can’t afford it at the moment. He says it’s on his list of things to do.

He lives with his mum, and she has 2 Alsatians and they are big dogs! The bully cannot be in the same room as the other dogs as they fight . So this bully spends most of its time in a bedroom. And they basically have the dogs on rotation as to when they have free roam of the house. It’s totally not fair on the dog, and although he does get walked I imagine the dog is harbouring lots of frustration.

So, quite rightly imo, I don’t want my daughter going down to the house anymore. I keep seeing deaths and injuries related to these dogs in the news and I of course want to protect my daughter and keep her out of any potential harm. I’ve had dogs before (not currently) but they’ve always been labs or small breeds.
I know any dog can be dangerous, but I was always told I was overreacting when I voiced my concerns about it the dogs.
I know for certain I am going to get a lot of abuse when I tell him why he cannot have her at the house or overnight. I don’t really care about that, what I am worried about though is him taking her there without my knowledge.

Should I report this to social services? I don’t know what to do to ensure that she can’t go there. Any help or advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
Badgerandfox227 · 05/02/2024 18:30

Hey OP I see you won’t be letting her go to him which is the right thing. I know you don’t want the hassle but does seem like a situation that you should flag. Is it worth flagging with 101 so that if he kicks off they will know to come quickly and support you? They can also deal with the XL bully. I think I’d be concerned that someone who makes these kinds of decisions shouldn’t be in a position to look after a child unsupervised.

Tempnamechng · 05/02/2024 18:31

I wouldn't let her either. I know a few incredibly responsible XL Bully owners with beautifully trained and well behaved dogs. Sadly he does not sound like one of them. Even if the Bully goes I would be just as worried about the German Shepherd it has been fighting with - again beautiful dogs when well trained and with responsible owners.

newlaptop12 · 05/02/2024 18:31

Social services and police.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 05/02/2024 18:33

Like hell would I be sending my child there. Report first.

Eleganz · 05/02/2024 18:33

Have to agree with everyone else here. A responsible owner should, as a bare minimum, comply with the law. He has not so he should not be considered a responsible owner. Given what has occured very recently I fully support you in not allowing your daughter to be in the presence of an unregistered XL bully.

User0311 · 05/02/2024 18:36

Totally with you, wouldn't allow my daughter to go

MorningSunshineSparkles · 05/02/2024 18:37

YANBU to disallow her to go to the house but YABU to report to social services as there is nothing they can do regarding the dogs except advise you to do exactly as you are. However if he’s got an unregistered dangerous dog then you should also be reporting that to the police, the ban is in effect for unregistered ones is it not?

Atethehalloweenchocs · 05/02/2024 18:38

He has an unregistered XL bully. That would be enough for me. Although even if it were not a banned breed, I would not put child (or myself) in that situation with large aggressive dogs.

Isitautumnyet23 · 05/02/2024 18:39

He has an illegal dog, report to the police/social services and do not allow your daughter anywhere near that house or him and the dog.

Flufferblub · 05/02/2024 18:43

Report to social services and don't send your child round there. Better safe than sorry.

Mellieg11 · 05/02/2024 18:51

why ask a question you already know the answer to. Hope you make the right decision

Mellieg11 · 05/02/2024 18:52

you are being totally reasonable

rainbowsparkle28 · 05/02/2024 18:53

Are you in UK? Report to police as dog is illegal if not registered. I wouldn't say social services as she is not there / there are no children there and without court they have no power anyway even if she was there (professional here). I would be making a private application to family court (I believe C100 form) to get an order that means she has to be with you and prevents him from taking her. Also seek some legal advice and I would be making an application as my understanding is that he can do the same to request contact if you are preventing this and so you would be best placed to get your part rolling asap.

FloofCloud · 05/02/2024 18:54

Jesus - that sounds like a hell hole for the dogs, let alone a child!
The dogs will be stressed already if they fight when together ... a 10 year old wouldn't stand a chance if it kicked off - your ex has already proven himself unreliable with not registering an illegal dog
Stick to your guns and keep your child safe

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 05/02/2024 18:57

Why don't you just report his illegal dog?

Walker1178 · 05/02/2024 19:01

OpenEvening · 05/02/2024 16:40

I couldn’t give a shiny shit what the ‘it’s the owners, not the dogs’ folk say. There isn’t a chance in hell my child would be going to a household with an XL Bully. I wouldn’t be happy about two Alsatians roaming the house freely, either.

People are so bloody weird, prioritising dogs over children. Yes I would report to social services. 100%.

It is the owners. And it absolutely is in this case too. This dog is clearly not getting the attention and exercise it needs to maintain a healthy mentality. You could replace XL Bully with any breed in these circumstances and the dog would be highly likely to become unstable.

OP - No, I would not be happy with my child going into this house. Heck, I myself wouldn’t be happy walking into this home!

MadeForThis · 05/02/2024 19:04

How long has he had the dog?

Sureaseggs44 · 05/02/2024 19:04

Kipdfgy · 05/02/2024 16:35

It’s really difficult, I don’t really know the dogs temperament. Although, I am aware that the dog has had fights before, the dog was injured and I asked what happened. I don’t have a relationship
with him, we are civil for our daughters sake. I just don’t think I could ever forgive myself if something happened, god forbid!

I don’t think it’s even about that dogs temprement , the living conditions and the fact the dogs fight is bad enough . I was hospitalised by a German shepherd once . I would say no visits to the house .

kittensinthekitchen · 05/02/2024 19:13

Why is this a problem today?

Is the dog any more dangerous than it was last month when she presumably went to stay?
Last year?

Can't help but feel this is a thread designed to create froth after the most recent XL bully killing.

berksandbeyond · 05/02/2024 19:14

My child would be going nowhere near the house, or a man as fucking stupid as this tbh. Let him take you to court, bet he doesn’t

Notamum12345577 · 05/02/2024 19:15

Kipdfgy · 05/02/2024 16:25

Hello, posting here as I’m not sure where else to post this. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.
My DD (10yo) sees her father once a month for a weekend, we don’t have a visitation order in place or anything like that. She has always lived with me.

Her dad has an XL bully, so far he hasn’t registered the dog as he has to pay for it..and can’t afford it at the moment. He says it’s on his list of things to do.

He lives with his mum, and she has 2 Alsatians and they are big dogs! The bully cannot be in the same room as the other dogs as they fight . So this bully spends most of its time in a bedroom. And they basically have the dogs on rotation as to when they have free roam of the house. It’s totally not fair on the dog, and although he does get walked I imagine the dog is harbouring lots of frustration.

So, quite rightly imo, I don’t want my daughter going down to the house anymore. I keep seeing deaths and injuries related to these dogs in the news and I of course want to protect my daughter and keep her out of any potential harm. I’ve had dogs before (not currently) but they’ve always been labs or small breeds.
I know any dog can be dangerous, but I was always told I was overreacting when I voiced my concerns about it the dogs.
I know for certain I am going to get a lot of abuse when I tell him why he cannot have her at the house or overnight. I don’t really care about that, what I am worried about though is him taking her there without my knowledge.

Should I report this to social services? I don’t know what to do to ensure that she can’t go there. Any help or advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Registering the dog may be on his list of things to do, but he can’t now anyway. The deadline has closed

Universalsnail · 05/02/2024 19:15

There is absolutely no way I would send my kids there with that dog there.

Gettingcolder · 05/02/2024 19:22

Please report the dog before it kills someone.

themadhat · 05/02/2024 19:24

OpenEvening · 05/02/2024 16:40

I couldn’t give a shiny shit what the ‘it’s the owners, not the dogs’ folk say. There isn’t a chance in hell my child would be going to a household with an XL Bully. I wouldn’t be happy about two Alsatians roaming the house freely, either.

People are so bloody weird, prioritising dogs over children. Yes I would report to social services. 100%.

I second this. The mind boggles! I want to ask them how they would feel if it was their child!?

mrssunshinexxx · 05/02/2024 19:30

Do not let your child
Go there.
Report him
Let him take you to court, I could bet he won't even bother

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