Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

XL Bully + visitation

133 replies

Kipdfgy · 05/02/2024 16:25

Hello, posting here as I’m not sure where else to post this. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.
My DD (10yo) sees her father once a month for a weekend, we don’t have a visitation order in place or anything like that. She has always lived with me.

Her dad has an XL bully, so far he hasn’t registered the dog as he has to pay for it..and can’t afford it at the moment. He says it’s on his list of things to do.

He lives with his mum, and she has 2 Alsatians and they are big dogs! The bully cannot be in the same room as the other dogs as they fight . So this bully spends most of its time in a bedroom. And they basically have the dogs on rotation as to when they have free roam of the house. It’s totally not fair on the dog, and although he does get walked I imagine the dog is harbouring lots of frustration.

So, quite rightly imo, I don’t want my daughter going down to the house anymore. I keep seeing deaths and injuries related to these dogs in the news and I of course want to protect my daughter and keep her out of any potential harm. I’ve had dogs before (not currently) but they’ve always been labs or small breeds.
I know any dog can be dangerous, but I was always told I was overreacting when I voiced my concerns about it the dogs.
I know for certain I am going to get a lot of abuse when I tell him why he cannot have her at the house or overnight. I don’t really care about that, what I am worried about though is him taking her there without my knowledge.

Should I report this to social services? I don’t know what to do to ensure that she can’t go there. Any help or advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 05/02/2024 17:27

Report the dog. His missed the deadline and if his that lax about it what else is he lax over.

The living arrangements for any dogs isn’t working. If you’ve got to have them
on rotation let alone it being an illegal one.

ejsmith99 · 05/02/2024 17:27

Forget the breed for a minute. Knowingly refusing to follow the law isn't the best example, is it? There was help out there for people who were struggling financially but he has concluded that he is somehow above the law. And this is half the problem with people attracted to those sorts of dogs, "my Lana/Nula/Kila is different and so am I."

Alwaysalwayscold · 05/02/2024 17:27

PLEASE report this dog before it kills someone !!!!!

OdeToBarney · 05/02/2024 17:28

Ahwig · 05/02/2024 17:21

My mother in law who was about 68 at the time had always had poodles then when her dog died she decided to get a Doberman. My husband and I popped over there and it just so happened that for once hadn't taken our son who was 2 and had loved her poodle. It was the first time we had seen this new dog and she hadn't told us the breed so we'd gone expecting another poodle. We sat on the sofa while she made us a cuppa and offered a slice of cake with it. I picked up the cake from the plate to eat it when the dog vaulted over the sofa facing me snatching the cake out of my hand as he went. We were both quite shocked but she seemed to think it was cute somehow . We left fairly quickly after that with me telling my husband that I was not happy to take our dog loving toddler son there . He agreed and told his mother that we were happy to meet elsewhere or she could come to ours but we weren't going to hers as we didn't trust the dog. She insisted we were overreacting but we stuck to our guns. 6 months later the dog went for her. It bit her and luckily it wasn't too serious but she had to get rid of the dog. Her new dog was a poodle and my son was delighted to be able to go to nanny's again and enjoyed spending time with the new dog.

I am sorry to tell you my aunt was bitten on the face by a poodle. I wouldn't automatically trust one based on the breed!

OP hell would freeze over before my DD visited that house, even if the bully was no longer there. The adults do not put your DD's safety first.

beetr00 · 05/02/2024 17:31

@Kipdfgy You are right to be concerned, it's obvious you wish to protect your daughter.

You can contact the authorities.

https://www.gov.uk/control-dog-public/report-a-dog

Floralnomad · 05/02/2024 17:36

I’d report it . It wasn’t that expensive to register a dog and I’m pretty sure your ex will have spent more on Christmas presents etc that could have been used to have least made the dog legal . If he couldn’t be bothered to do that he obviously thinks very little of the animal

saoirse31 · 05/02/2024 17:41

Would never send her there till at least xl bully is gone. It could kill her, end of story.

Horrace · 05/02/2024 17:48

Regardless of whether the dog is legal or not, don't let your child near it. Those dogs are not safe to be around if they turn. A registration document does not make it less dangerous in a house or garden without a muzzle

toomuchfaff · 05/02/2024 17:55

I know for certain I am going to get a lot of abuse when I tell him why he cannot have her at the house or overnight. I don’t really care about that, what I am worried about though is him taking her there without my knowledge.

Report him for his illegal dog, tell him your DD isn't going to his house, ignore the abuse you receive; your main concern is the safety of your child, and if his primary concern isn't, then thats another reason to not let DD to the house or any visits until you know the dogs gone.

dog lover, but that situation sounds like an accident waiting to happen, 3 massive out of control dogs who don't get on... absolutely fkin not.

Tooolde · 05/02/2024 17:56

He has no money. But has a huge dog that probably costs more than the £92 even with neutering to feed!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/02/2024 18:03

Allow contact ie visits out and about in safe locations but not at the house. Put that in writing. Just don't let her stay over night there - he can take you to court if he's desperate for this but unlikely he'll be successful!
He could always rent an air bnb appartmwnt or put the dogs in kennels for one night a month if he's that keen to do over nights.

tallcurvey · 05/02/2024 18:08

He hai breaking the law.
Sayes all about him

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/02/2024 18:09

Have you reported the dog yet? It is illegal, he can't now register it without a court hearing to determine type and whether he is a fit and proper person to own it. You can do it anonymously, assuming he does actually walk it, anyone could have seen him going into his property with it or seen it in the yard/garden etc.

I wouldn't allow contact until the dog is gone, because he's clearly unwilling to acknowledge the risk, which means he will absolutely take DC there, take dog out with them as he sees fit, and his judgement is obviously very poor.

Figgygal · 05/02/2024 18:11

I cant believe you've let her go up to now
No bloody chance would I allow it
Report to police and tell him he can take you to court for access
Hes a bloody idiot

tallcurvey · 05/02/2024 18:11

Exactly

Abergale · 05/02/2024 18:15

Report it to the police. Tell them it’s been aggressive to other dogs and that there are sometimes children at the address. They will put it down.

Umph · 05/02/2024 18:15

DarkDarkNight · 05/02/2024 16:54

It sounds like a recipe for disaster and I wouldn’t blame you at all for saying visitation needs to happen elsewhere.

3 big dogs cooped up in a room, only allowed to roam the house in shifts because they fight? Hell no that is not a healthy environment.

Yeah this. I couldn’t give a shit what the breed of the dog is but frustrated, inadequately socialised dogs (especially large ones) are a big issue.

Sodndashitall · 05/02/2024 18:16

Report ! And no visiting for your DC, don't worry about threats of court. They won't appreciate him breaking the law

newnamethanks · 05/02/2024 18:18

That is a very dangerous situation OP, as you know. Are you aware what will happen if just one of those dogs turns on someone - your daughter perhaps - in the room? The others will join in and that will be that. Refuse to let her go to the house, it's insanity to permit it.

Maray1967 · 05/02/2024 18:21

No way would my child be going to that house.

Report the dog now.

catgirl1976 · 05/02/2024 18:24

Not in a million years woukd I let my child go to that house. The dog sounds like a ticking time bomb. Your ex is breaking the law.

Report him and don’t let her anywhere near it. If the dog is more important to him than his child then he can hardly complain. Hopefully it will be taken off him once you report it which solves a bit of your problem but not the alsatians or sadly the irresponsible father

trollopolis · 05/02/2024 18:25

If the dog has not been exempted, then it is not legal to keep it.

And you say there is a history of fighting, and there are 2 other large breed dogs in the household

I'd keep her well clear

And the remaining questions are

  • how to arrange safe contact, that will always be safe (ie nowhere near these dogs)
  • whether/when you report the apparent breach of the DDA - after all, what if the dog turned on his mother or a visitor to house
tallcurvey · 05/02/2024 18:26

Report it

RollOnSpringDays · 05/02/2024 18:29

I would not let her go in that house - it’s just not worth the risk.

ThereIbledit · 05/02/2024 18:30

I think you need to give your head a wobble. You should have reported the dog well before now, and I hope you are no longer hesitating. Have you seen the news about the grandmother today? Killed by XL puppies. While visiting her 11 year old grandson.

He is a fucking moron for wanting to have his daughter in the same house as one.

He's a fucking lunatic for keeping one who has already been in a fight, one in which it was injured. That makes it 10x more likely to attack if it feels in any way threatened.

Honestly I hope you are a fiction writer for the daily mail because his home is a ticking time bomb waiting to happen.

Not. Worth. It.