To insist DH drives us?

[Woozywoozer]

DH drives. I don't (medical reasons)

DD has an appointment at 4pm every Monday for the next 12 weeks.

The appointment is in Manchester city centre.

We live close to a tram station so last week he dropped us off there on the way to him getting DS.

It's the same time local high school gets out, 2 of them I fact, and it was absolutely RAMMED.
With teens shouting, fighting, pushing, swearing.

DD is Autistic (shes going to art therapy) and hated it.

DH can pick DS up with us in car then take us to town by 4pm but it would mean him stuck in traffic a bit and driving in Manchester town which he hates (he's only been driving a year)

But we would happily get the tram home later. I just really don't want to get it at school time as it's really distressing for DD (and me, I'm autistic too) to have all the kids screaming. Last week some kid was making comments about DDs stickers on her headphones. But she didn't hear.

DH doesn't work on a Monday. Has no other commitments and it's me that's taking DD every week and sat for 90 mins in a waiting room then getting tram home.

AIBU to tell him I really want him to drop us off?

There's no other appointment slots available and she's been waiting 2 years for this.

Not unreasonable at all.

I'm autistic myself and so are my kids. After a busy ride on public transport no way is my child engaging in art therapy

Not unreasonable at all. Tell your husband firmly that you absolutely need his support for this. Otherwise, he can take your daughter himself on the tram and deal with it.

He can take DD and you find a way to pick your other child up from school. Problem solved. He's being unreasonable

Not unreasonable. My DH would do this without being asked! Why are you worried about asking?

DH doesn't work on a Monday. Has no other commitments and it's me that's taking DD every week and sat for 90 mins in a waiting room then getting tram home

First and foremost, you taking her every week needs to stop. Take turns. On his weeks he can drop you at ds school, you do his pick up then get yourself back home together while he does the appointment with dd. Then on the weeks you do it, get him to drop you at a different tram stop away from the schools, or even at the hospital, after collecting ds then he takes ds home and you and dd make your own way home after the appointment.

Are you able to learn to drive yourself?

I'm on the fence, driving in Manchester at that time is really horrible not least for an inexperienced driver (and presumably your DS would also be stuck in traffic for at least an hour with him).

Could you swap as in your DH takes your DD on the tram?

Alternatively, an earlier tram might be better, get into town a bit earlier so your DD is calm for her session?

Can you get a slightly earlier tram? Or he takes DD, as he and DS would seemingly be sitting in traffic for the majority of the appointment time anyway.

I think a compromise or alternative should be sought, as your proposal still inconveniences half of the family.

I can't get an earlier tram as we get the first one after she finishes school (they let her finish 15 mins early whilst therapy is on which is nice of them considering the therapy starts at 4pm, way out of school time)

What are his reasons for not doing that?

The traffic. An hour plus in car vs 15 mins on tram. Plus all the one way systems in town that he's not navigated before. He doesn't really like driving at the best of times.

Is there anywhere else nearer he could drop you then you get public transport in via another route avoiding schools or a taxi in from there

driving through Manchester City centre is no easy task for an Inexperienced driver it’s horrendous
there so much to navigate bus lanes , red routes where if your unsure you can’t stop
miss getting in the wrong lane no one will let you across. Next thing your in a filter lane heading for the m60 or the dreaded Mancunian way it’s very confusing no easy task at all
at peak times like that parts of it can be comparable with central London

I’ve driven years and had to go from Piccadilly to Blackfriars’s the other month I struggled and would say I’m an experienced driver

I think you have to be familiar with the rd and the traffic before you can write him of as a twat that some posters have

also he’s never been on the one way system before VERY easy to get lost and miss your appointment

I have to say tbf to your DH, and I've been driving for 20 years and am a very confident driver, Id never in a million years drive around Manchester city centre unless there was genuinely no other option and someone's life depended on it.

Alternatively take DD out of school 30 minutes early to miss the crowds. I have sympathy for your DH, but on the whole YANBU.

An hour plus in car vs 15 mins on tram.

Which is a massive plus. And if it was a case of sucking it up because it's so much easier, he'd be right. It's only because 15 minutes on the tram is distressing to you two that it's not easier.

But he is telling you driving for an hour in heavy traffic in a city centre is distressing for him. I think you both need to acknowledge each other's distress and work out the least worst option.

I'd take her out of school earlier as suggested.

And when you come off the slip road and go under the bridge to take a right on to Deansgate....those traffic lights....what a hoot they are 😩

I have some sympathy for your husband as driving into Manchester city centre can be a nightmare at that time. Could he drop you part way in and then you either pick up the tram there or a bus?

Now i think on it I found driving around London a breeze compared to Madroadchester

Driving in Manchester City centre is a nightmare so I understand your DH not wanting to do this. Non drivers don’t seem to understand the stresses with driving.

An hour driving in Manchester city centre traffic would be awful. I can totally see his point.

I'd suggest taking DD out of school earlier (if she's missing the last 15 minutes of school, she can miss the last 30 minutes) to avoid the high school rush.

If it's practical, I'd also suggest you alternate taking DD and picking up DS.

I can see his point. Not much fun driving in cities if nervous and its an hour vs 15mn on a tram.

An hour of stressful city driving Vs a 15 min tram journey - I think it is unreasonable to ask him to drive. But I think it would be reasonable to ask him to alternate doing the appointment with you.

I have driven through Manchester City centre and it's not fun!

I would tell the school she needs to leave earlier and just get an earlier tram to miss the kids.

Also alternate with DH if he's off anyway.

I’ve been driving for over 30 years and I wouldn’t want to drive in heavy traffic in Manchester. I would ask the school to let your daughter out earlier and catch the earlier tram.

Given that he's such a nervous driver, I'd take her earlier in the day so you miss the schools coming out.