To insist DH drives us?

[Woozywoozer]

DH drives. I don't (medical reasons)

DD has an appointment at 4pm every Monday for the next 12 weeks.

The appointment is in Manchester city centre.

We live close to a tram station so last week he dropped us off there on the way to him getting DS.

It's the same time local high school gets out, 2 of them I fact, and it was absolutely RAMMED.
With teens shouting, fighting, pushing, swearing.

DD is Autistic (shes going to art therapy) and hated it.

DH can pick DS up with us in car then take us to town by 4pm but it would mean him stuck in traffic a bit and driving in Manchester town which he hates (he's only been driving a year)

But we would happily get the tram home later. I just really don't want to get it at school time as it's really distressing for DD (and me, I'm autistic too) to have all the kids screaming. Last week some kid was making comments about DDs stickers on her headphones. But she didn't hear.

DH doesn't work on a Monday. Has no other commitments and it's me that's taking DD every week and sat for 90 mins in a waiting room then getting tram home.

AIBU to tell him I really want him to drop us off?

There's no other appointment slots available and she's been waiting 2 years for this.

To be honest, when I'd only been driving that long I wouldn't want to drive round Manchester City Centre either! I've been driving well over 20 years and I'm not a nervous driver but I do avoid city centres as it's just hell.

I think YABU. I presume you don't drive? Driving in Manchester is horrible, I would never push an inexperienced driver to do that if there was an alternative?

I'd ask school to let her out a bit earlier, and/or ask him to take her on the tram. Can you take ear defenders for the noise?

So picking him up would make you late surely?

glad you have found a way that works because the car really didn’t sound a practical approach

He should just take her surely that's the most logical option?

No, because he needs to collect their DS.

I could be totally wrong but I suspect I know the school @Woozywoozer and it's bloody awful at a certain time! I absolutely hate it if I cross paths with the majority of the students. Feral doesn't come close. Definitely go earlier, or just later and fingers crossed you will miss them 🤞

I would hate to drive into Manchester at that time. He's not unreasonable in not wanting to.

Would another 10 minutes out of school really make such a difference? The school chuck out time is very specific so as long as you are before it there's less of an issue.

Or is there a train or bus away from the schools?

Not really. It's 20 mins in the car says satnav. Picking DS up 3.15, even if we double it to 40 mins because of traffic we should be there same time as tram gets us there.

But it doesn't matter now.

But leaving town at 5.30 was hell. No kids but packed like sardines.

I really hate the bloody things.

I'm sorry but you want him to do something he is not comfortable doing (driving in manchestor city area after only having his license for a year) so that you and your daughter can avoid doing something you are not comfortable doing?
I think if a new driver is not comfortable doing something their boundaries should be respected.

Completely with your DH here. Driving in Manchester City centre is hell, and is absolutely horrendous during rush hours. And by 3.30pm rush hour has hit in now! I would refuse point blank to commit to doing that for 12 weeks. Once as an emergency maybe but not routinely. The stress and anxiety on them, as a new driver, is unfair.

Your options are:
1- Take DC out of school earlier if this is an essential appt for her benefit
2- Get a later tram and hope to make it on time (which looks possible if only a 15 min tram journey)
3- Wait for a better suited time appt to become available.

The main reason I started driving was because I had a child who hated public transport!! Yes the drive is no fun but a stressed out child on a packed tram is no picnic either. Completely get he is a new driver city centre driving is absolute hell but its only for 12 weeks and he isn't working that day. I think he needs to dig deep as there will be many situations in the future that will cause for stressful driving situations. At the very least every other week. You are a team. Good luck OP

But Liverpool is completely different to Manchester. I live near one and go to the other every week and I would drive in Liverpool any day compared to Manchester.

I agree. Driving in Liverpool city centre is a piece of cake compared to Manchester!

Did you not say an hour in the car? I just think its a bit of a shame you'll put dh and ds into this situation. Is it for dd or really you? Did you not say earlier she didn't even notice people commenting on her headphones?

He said it would be an hour with traffic.

DD didn't notice kids making mean comments about her headphones because she managed to get a window seat and was curled up with her music on and eyes closed to try and drown out the noise.

'put them through the situation' of driving in a warm, comfortable car? How ever will they get over it.

Give over. I agree it's not ideal. The tram isn't ideal either but it's hardly some awful fate they'll need therapy for.

But the whole threads about you and dd not wanting to be in the situation of getting the tram so why so derogatory about dh and his anxiety re driving?

He should be doing 1/2 of the sessions.

I'm not being derogatory about his anxiety, I'm referring to you acting like them sat in traffic for an hour would be traumatising. He spends plenty of time in traffic when it suits his needs.

And he doesn't have anxiety in the way DD and I does. He's never driven there before so he's obviously wary of not knowing the one way system but he's driven miles away on motorways to pick up items for his hobbies and driven all around Salford and Trafford. He's not very experienced but I don't feel he lacks confidence.

The issue of driving in Manchesters one way systems is a different issue to the boredom of traffic.

The issue of driving in Manchesters one way systems is a different issue to the boredom of traffic.
I'm lost now! So many posters are saying its horrific driving in Manchester at this time. So it's not about them 'being bored'....
But with And he doesn't have anxiety in the way DD and I does. So it's not just dds issues re the tram.

Think horrendously unfair and selfish of you playing anxiety top trumps.

Motorway driving is a whole different ball game to city centre driving!

I've been driving 15 years but would still absolutely hate to drive around Manchester city centre. I'd be so anxious. For that reason I think you need to find another solution.

He's an inexperienced driver who doesn't want to drive through hell. That's alright.

Get a taxi there or take it in turns.

Why are you all still going on about it when I said hours and hours ago that getting the 3.15 tram was free of school kids and that's what we're going to do?

OP I know it's sorted but at least you live near a tram. If you think that's bad try getting the bus or train!
Also some of us are definitely using this thread to complain about how much we hate Manchester city driving, me included. I've driven in Liverpool during Eurovision and it wasn't that bad.
Manchester is full of traps. People weaving in and out on bikes, random bus lane fines, yellow lines everywhere so very few places to stop. Parking would definitely cost you a lot more if he drove. Only in Manchester have I managed to drive up a narrow road to the back of a row of bars with a long line of cars behind me, get caught in a private parking lot with a grate that clanged down, and get more than one bus lane fine (appealed!)... have never gotten into trouble anywhere else although I guess London is similar.

Having said that, if you're going to be going there frequently might do him well to get some practice... who knows what else you might want to do in the city centre. I tend to drive at night as the 10:30 train home is too early for me.

I've driven