7-10 year old boys are the most neglected children

[Sunnytimesarecoming]

I work in children's safeguarding and I see it all the time. Boys at this awkward ages are often neglected, abused and forgotten. They're past the age of being mummy's little cherub or daddy's little soldier. They're less likely to be outgoing or chatty. They're less likely to be fully embraced by step parents.

I see them at school and it feels like for many of them, the school system just doesn't fit their interests or learning style.
Some almost need that rough play almost hourly. Some just feel pushed towards being men when they're not ready to, or don't know what that means.
I really feel to tackle all the shit related to toxic masculinity we need to do some sort of intensive work with this age group. It's when many young boys start displaying anti female, aggressive type behaviours. Even ones from single parent, all female households like mine.
But what would that look like?

I went to tour an absolutely lovely private school once (only didn’t go for it as we didn’t move to the area) and the proprietor said she could fill the whole school with boys from this age bracket, as that’s when they start to get lost in the mainstream school system.

If you genuinely believe that, and have experience or evidence to back up your theory, and work in safeguarding - you’re the best person to start thinking of ways to address it?
And if there really is a need, then you could be on to something.

I started by looking into research on (for lack of a better word) poor white boys from single parent families. Because my son is one and it worried me. I then fell down this rabbit hole of research about boys at this crucial age of development who are essentially failed across the board. Unless you're very academic and motived. It just astounds me.

thats Very sad because that’s the age they’re at their chattiest/ most excited about school and sports etc. Although it could also be because that’s the age that leads into eg sports activities starts to become more competitive and things become less about being fun and more about becoming a name

The attitudes people have for this age group are tricky. My 8yo son recently (very minorly) hurt a female friend at school. They would NOT listen to him try to explain what happened, told him just to sit down, then punished him.

Turns out she (head and shoulders taller than him and much heavier) had hold of both his upper arms tightly, was shaking him and trying to get him into a headlock. He was stuck, thought she was going to pull him onto the floor, and she was ignoring him so he hurt her to get out. Not seriously hurt, just something like a pinch to make her let go.

Obviously I've talked to him about what he should do instead in that situation, and how to avoid it at all in the first place. But I also feel bad for him that no one even bothered just to ask him what happened and his point of view, even if the outcome and punishment remained the same. He's not normally an aggressive child, no behavioural issues, so there was no reason to presume the worst. I think it's because he's a boy and particularly a boy in this age group.

I don’t know about the home life stuff, but schools need more roughhousing I think. It’s all got a bit overprotected. I actually think that would benefit girls as well as boys, as girls generally need to be taught to be less risk adverse (IME)

I know a few schools that do PE at the start of the day for boys, and some smaller schools that get all the kids out running around first thing. Even that helps. But some proper scouting for boys action would help more.

It’s interesting you ID this specific age group OP

That's sad, my youngest is 8. He still gets my full on attention with his 12 year old brother.

I think it's just down to the parent really rather than the age group.

It's not actually true though if we are talking about actual neglect.

Neglect is typically something which children grow up with throughout their lifetime hence the cumulative impact of it, unless the parents are able/supported to address whatever reasons sits behind the neglect of their children (and often themselves). If I were to look at our child protection or CIN data when I log on this morning I won't see a significant difference between 7 year old boys and girls or 7 year old v 10 year old for example.

If we are talking about an education system that isn't fit for purpose for young boys then that's a different conversation.

Nearly all my friends with boys and girls have their social media profile pic of themselves and their DD. Never their son.
I often feel boys are sidelined at this age.

@Tinkeytonkoldfruit sorry I mean neglected as in most invisible to society rather than in actual safeguarding terms. I wrote the post quickly!

@Sunnnybunny72 exactly. All those 'disappointment at gender scan' posters, do we think those initial feeling suddenly evaporate?

I always think of a family I knew from childhood (grew up in a impoverished area). Mum was an addict, dad was gone, daughter had school and friends who she could escape to, when I left the area, I saw the seven year old son in my rear view mirror just kicking the shit out of - tree. Where was his refuge? The school who labelled him as a problem, non existent friends who wouldn't hang out with someone who hurt them?

feminization of education is an interesting google rabbit hole which talks about how education is now suited to the needs of females and not to the needs of males.

Single parent with a mixed race child Asian/white who has turned out really well with some a mixture of input from his father. People say a lot how well I have done however I put him in a prep school heavy on sport heavy on expectations of behaviour he then went boarding in a house of 70 boys with strong male influence I think this made a difference he needed to learn how to be a decent man and if as a single parent you don’t have that male influence in day to day life it’s tricky. Controversial belief I know but I believe it boys need strong men around them to model behaviour

There is a lot of research to show that poor white boys are failed by the education system. The achieve the worst results in schools.They are not a group that attracts money or initiatives. I think I am right in stating that this has been the case for the last fifty years.
As young men suicide is the major cause of their death.
Many boys and young men feel failed by the system. They are more likely to be unemployed.
They are less likely to be given support from the state.
It is a national scandal.

@Sunnytimesarecoming One thing that might help is frequent and low cost access to community sports, and not just football. Not everyone can excel at football, but given enough choice, most children can find a sport they're good at and enjoy. My boys were doing sport a few times a week at that age, and have continued. It helped with their confidence, fitness and self discipline, helped to keep them off their tech, widened their circle of friends, and the coaches were good male role models.

Children who are less receptive to sport can find alternatives they enjoy in drama or the arts.

All these things take time and money. In an ideal world they would be accessible to all via cheap school wraparound care. But taxes would probably need to go up to pay for it.

www.thebreaker.co.uk/why-are-white-working-class-boys-failing-academically/

‘Controversial belief I know but I believe it boys need strong men around them to model behaviour’

What is your definition of ‘strong’?

@Adifferentwayoflooking they have definitely been the victims of the death of our industries. Having worked with some under confident, introverted young men in the past, it's really difficult to get a job which doesn't involve some sort of customer interaction/ selling/ literacy these days. But were things better when we had the pits? I'm never sure about that one.

@SaveUsernameHistory modelling decent behaviour. Good manners working hard joining in working as a team thinking about others being respectful to people treating women properly. Understanding actions have consequences doing your best

I find this sad and surprising. I had no idea. My son is in that age bracket and still very much loved, very chatty and engaging. His friends of the same age are also very loved by their attentive parents. I didn't realise there was an issue.

Any statistics to back this up?

I love my DS. He's chatty, witty, intelligent and generally interested in everything! He's cheeky but not rude, can be demanding without being annoying. He's 13 and so far have loed every stage of him growing up.

Quite surprised. I’d think teen boys of non white backgrounds might have it harder

Education that favours desk learning over sports doesn't do these kids any favours.