7-10 year old boys are the most neglected children

[Sunnytimesarecoming]

I work in children's safeguarding and I see it all the time. Boys at this awkward ages are often neglected, abused and forgotten. They're past the age of being mummy's little cherub or daddy's little soldier. They're less likely to be outgoing or chatty. They're less likely to be fully embraced by step parents.

I see them at school and it feels like for many of them, the school system just doesn't fit their interests or learning style.
Some almost need that rough play almost hourly. Some just feel pushed towards being men when they're not ready to, or don't know what that means.
I really feel to tackle all the shit related to toxic masculinity we need to do some sort of intensive work with this age group. It's when many young boys start displaying anti female, aggressive type behaviours. Even ones from single parent, all female households like mine.
But what would that look like?

Please explain the difference between the needs of a newborn boy and a newborn girl.

Though as you don't even know that pre-pubescent boys have the same testosterone levels as girls, I don't think you'll have anything convincing to say.

@OutsideLookingOut

And even if you do better in school you are likely to do worse in the workplace than peers who didn’t do as well in school.

This. True for Black versus White. And also true for female versus male.

Maybe academic attainment is only part of a bigger picture.

I work in schools and agree that this 👆

This.

They are a subclass of bigger man grouping that generally do well in life.

I'm not sure how well undereducated working class boys actually do - many I see here now not so well poorly paid jobs with little progression - previous area I live they did okay because there were many family run business and informal family networks often meant they found work with training with possibility of setting up own company in future.

Our parents were very surprised at the level of input todays schools seem to require from parents which automatically places those with less involved parents at a massive disadvantage.

I do think there are cultural issue as well - went back to where DH grew up very working class area and had a parent moan that handwriting was an issue for one their children - was for one of mine and we were doing many things at home to help and suggested them - oh no it's the school problem to sort.

@RhubarbGingerJam Yes. Recruitment processes are very hard to navigate. My ex wouldn't have worked at all if it wasn't for word of mouth or family connections.

I’ve been a teacher since 1988. Every single CPD I’ve done which dealt with equalising attainment has been about raising the attainment of boys. Every one.

My child's year 3 teacher was open about the fact that she didn't like boys and didn't enjoy teaching them. There were a few badly behaved boys in the class, but her attitude certainly didn't help.

I think ‘ boys being neglected’ in schools is taking it too far.

As a mother of boys, I have witnessed ( as have many other mothers - including fathers, of boys) that boys are treated differently than girls.
That’s all boys and certainly not just mine. It’s the behavioural aspect, the way they are treated, the reward system etc etc

The girls all seem to get a much better deal than boys. Mothers with children of both sexes who attend our school all say the same; their daughters are treated way differently than their sons are.
Again, as someone upthread said, perhaps it’s to do with the fact that largely, primary school teachers are indeed female. Who knows?
But there is definite evidence of this. At least there is in our school.

I'm old enough to recall debates and articles about the underachievement of girls. Always ahead at O level and then falling behind or just dropping out. Waylaid by peer pressure to marry and have children. Struggling in the male dominated unis. Something Must Be Done etc.

But I suspect nothing much can be done either way. A lot of it is down to the changes in the economy. The giant corporations have decided ' Sorry caller , whatever you want you can't have it ' is best delivered in a - young - woman's voice for example. And since you need a BA be a plongeur now....

Also my observation, girls seem to save themselves!

Girls are more resourceful, more resilient, more likely to have a group of friends to rely on and be open with.

Of course girls face many plights that they shouldn't have to overcome but they do often do.

You've got to be kidding now. Neglected girls are fiiiiiiine actually because people skills?? Seriously?

I'm not surprised. I was always under impression that men were the main perpetrators of child abuse but it's actually the mother by far, and they statically abuse boys much more frequently than girls.

@herewegoroundthebastardbush that's not what I said, I said they come to the attention of services more often because they talk more and people listen to them. I did not say they were fine.

girls are more skilled at thinking around these problems. They will go to friends or ask school or endear themselves to neighbours

Is what you said. Not quite the same thing. Also,if it were true that girls were better able to bring their abuse/neglect to the attention of 'services', surely there would be more of them on Child Protection Plans etc than boys (since they're so good at "saving themselves"), when other posters are indicating above that the opposite is true (also to indicate that boys are worse off, oddly).

I'm sorry but this does still feel very blamey/dismissive of girls. Who may en bloc perform better in academic assessment. But who, as soon as they leave the relatively safe environment in primary school (unless they go on to single sex secondary) have to contend with social and institutionalised misogyny every day of their lives; have you even considered some of the reports about the rates of sexual abuse experienced by schoolgirls by their male peers? Or the fact that girls in single sex schools outperform girls in co-ed schools (which slightly gives the lie to the notion the boys are being ignored and neglected, rather that they are sucking up a disproportionate amount of the attention and teaching time).

I'm afraid I'm just not buying it that girls are so much favoured by society, after a mere 100 years or so of efforts towards balancing a scale tipped overwhelmingly in favour of boys, that the time has already come to turn back the clock and take action to diminish them for the sake of their male classmates.

There are so many people (Mothers) on here excusing their sons behaviours and then wonder why they aren't doing so well.

"My pre teen boys are such a handful, I have to take them out for a walk otherwise they argue and fight". This is just code for "I have been a shitty parent and let my cute under 7 year old get away with murder and constantly made excuses for their shitty bahaviour, and now I have a much bigger problem on my hands".

The next generation of girls are not going to want to marry and procreate with these feckless men.

So many women on MN think that Year 3 boys should go into the men's toilet on their own. I don't have a son (I have a daughter) but I think this is appalling.

I don't agree that 'my boys have a lot of energy and need to be kept busy' is the same as 'ive let my boys get away with everything when they were younger and now they're out of control'. What it means for me is that I have always made sure they are kept busy so their energy is channelled. Which I was able to do because of being in a relatively privileged position. I have always been pretty strict with mine especially out and about and with other people. We recently had to wait nearly an hour in a small area for something unavoidable that was running late and they sat quietly reading their books. I was very proud of them but it doesn't come naturally.

My 8yr old boy is in a class with other boisterous boys. He is equally as boisterous/annoying with them and can be rude “to be cool” so I obviously call him out on it there and then. There’s a group of them that are just so loud and football-orientated (great passion, but can get them into trouble at school too). Not sure how to calm him down. He gets plenty of attention at home, we talk about behaviour etc. hoping he’ll get better with age?

I am going to defend boys for a minute because I have boys so I think they are great.

Many PP have been quick to blame parents for any behaviour they see in boys as undesirable. However what about girls behaviour?

A common theme that I remember and experienced in my childhood and now see my friends deal with regarding their daughters is the nightmare that can be female friendships. The falling out, grudges, excluding girls from group. My friends have used words such as spiteful and vindictive when talking about these issues. Teachers have mentioned to me how much a problem it can be. Some classes or year groups seem way worse than others for it from what I gather from parents with multiple girls. Is parenting to blame here. Do we really believe parents of girls don’t try and talk to their daughters when they think they are bullying another child by excluding them from friendship group.

I agree with this. I think it’s appalling too. I’m the mother of boys btw

As an ex teacher I hope you went into school and played hell! Not allowing 2 sides of an incident to be heard, AND recorded, is absolutely terrible. School should be held to account!!

I'll be honest I've never seen why this is considered such a failing in girls (even if we accept the stereoptype that this is what girls are like). Physical violence and active cruelty, these are failings you can take any child to task for, as an adult would be; but the idea that excluding a child from a friendship group constitutes 'bullying' has always perplexed me. Why is it girls are expected not just not to be unkind to, but to actively socialise with, a child they don't/no longer get on with, or merit being accused of 'cattiness' or 'bullying'?

No-one expects adults to include people they don't get on with in their social activities. When boys don't like another boy, they don't include them in their games either.

It could perhaps be said boys are less discerning and/or changeable in their friendships, with fewer fallings out and makings up - but why are these perfectly normal fluctuations in regard, which adults also experience in their relationships (you see it often enough on here, with posters being told they are flogging a dead horse when a friendship has 'run it's course') treated as some sort of character flaw in girls?

Yes it is unpleasant to lose a friendship, to not be liked, to be left out, but surely it is unreasonable to expect girls to feign friendship when they don't feel it just to preserve the feelings of another child? Isn't this just more of the usual 'be kind' mantra that is constantly inflicted on girl and women (demanding that they put aside their own wants and needs in favour of what is pleasanter or more expedient for others), from which boys are given an automatic free pass?

By the way I say this as a former total loner of a child who was left out by all the other kids because they simply didn't get me, I was weird - it wasn't until secondary school I found my fellow gang of weirdos, and only in university did I find anything recognisably like a social life, and I was always on the fringes of several groups rather than at the heart of any.

Would I have been happier if the other girls had liked me more? Yes. Would I have wanted them to pretend they did so as to avoid getting in trouble? Absolutely not. Even as a 6 year old I would have had enough pride to feel the humiliation in that.

Not read entire thread. But as a mother to a son in that age. I can't identify with any of the sentiments about that age based on my son/ his friends.

I do wonder that you perhaps have a biased view (as do I of course) given that you work in a safeguarding role. Therefore one could reasonably assume you only come into contact with children who are having some kind of difficulty. So not your big standard run of the mill 7-10 year old?

You make some really good points that as girls the ‘be kind’ mantra is BS and can definitely be harmful to girls.

For me I think the line gets crossed in girls friendship groups when the rest of the girls can no longer be friends with the ostracised girl. Where Amy says to Jane you can’t be my friend if you still talk to Lucy and then everybody starts completely ignoring Lucy.

Not all girls friendship groups are like this of course and I think most grow out of it when they grow up.

I know many posters believe that all perceived ‘gender’ differences between boys and girls are 100% due to societal conditioning. However, I think it’s possible that it’s not entirely due to society expecting girls to sit down and play nice and boys to be wild.