7-10 year old boys are the most neglected children

[Sunnytimesarecoming]

I work in children's safeguarding and I see it all the time. Boys at this awkward ages are often neglected, abused and forgotten. They're past the age of being mummy's little cherub or daddy's little soldier. They're less likely to be outgoing or chatty. They're less likely to be fully embraced by step parents.

I see them at school and it feels like for many of them, the school system just doesn't fit their interests or learning style.
Some almost need that rough play almost hourly. Some just feel pushed towards being men when they're not ready to, or don't know what that means.
I really feel to tackle all the shit related to toxic masculinity we need to do some sort of intensive work with this age group. It's when many young boys start displaying anti female, aggressive type behaviours. Even ones from single parent, all female households like mine.
But what would that look like?

Sadly I assumed many would be from single parents, all children, but especially boys need a strong, trusted male role model in their lives

Emotionally intelligent, smart, kind, hard working etc. All of the good qualities you'd expect?

The statistics are startling. For example, 35,000 fewer 18-year-old UK boys started university in September last year than girls of the same age. Only 47% of boys attained a grade 5 or above in both English and maths GCSE compared to 53% of girls.24 Jan 2023

Similarly, boys were more likely than girls to be on a child protection plan (CPP) in England or on the child protection register (CPR) in Wales1 for neglect, with 21 in 10,000 boys and 20 in 10,000 girls on a CPP2 and 16 in 10,000 boys and 15 in 10,000 girls on the CPR3

Poor white boys do worst at school. Black and Asian boys/men tend to do worse when they've left school (I'm guessing due to societies biases and additional barriers they face).

I agree, OP, but I’d add teen boys as well.

Obviously this is a tangent but I’m always struck volunteering for our local Christmas collection how few people buy for older boys. For younger it’s 50-50 boys and girls but after about 8 far more people buy for girls and very few for boys
its as if they get to a certain age and are expected just to get on with it but actually they need as much kindness and nurturing as girls.

That's so sad, I grew up in a poor council scheme and don't really recognise this from then, we were all neglected equally to the same degree.

Any statistics regarding '7-10 year old boys are the most neglected children'?

I'm a lone parent and I agree. My son benefits hugely from his uncles and grandfathers. He's seen a man cry, he's received regular kindness from them, he wants to imitate them and looks up to them. It'd be hard without any male role models.

I agree that some mums sideline their sons in favour of their daughters. And once they reach 7ish and don't obviously need attention in the way of a younger child they get left to it a lot.

I have a boy in this age bracket (and an older one) and love spending time with him. He's very funny and chatty. But he doesn't have an easy time at school. He is waiting for ND assessments though so that might be why.

I try really hard to spend time with my boys and get involved with their interests, I want to maintain a good close relationship with them. But it would be easy to just "leave them to it" a lot.

I think many poor Asian, black boys realise that they live somewhere that isn't going to accommodate them so if you want to do well you have to work hard and even then you still may not make it - that is life. Growing up ion a very deprived area I think a lot of poor white boys (not all) have the idea that they ought to be catered too and they still do better out of the schoolroom.

@Sunnytimesarecoming if you work in this area and want a quick thing to try I would say look at emotion based words- apparently (and no time to find the stats right now) boys and men have significantly lower numbers of words to name their emotions than girls and often boys default emotion comes out as anger as they lack the ability to voice fear or rejection or anxiety. Doing some work with young boys in a safe nurturing environment could help them. Perhaps also looking at buddy systems locally with the help of YMCA type charity workers with young men or teens who need that responsibility but could be supported to help provide male role models for younger boys? Just my quick thoughts before I head out to work.

@ToxicOstrich decent male role models

Yes, this concerns me. The reasonably well-paid jobs that were mostly filled by men, and did not require customer service/communication skills, have mostly disappeared - I think this is very significant. I also think there is a tendency for female primary school staff to instinctively blame boys - and some girls are well aware of this, and exploit it. I parent helped at a school where this was definitely going on with school yard supervisory staff and I raised it with the class teacher.

And yes, those who are disappointed at having boys - bloody awful. I’ve posted on other threads that family members learned quickly that I would have responded very badly to any comments about being disappointed at having DS2.

@fourelementary that's really useful. We don't really have enough services in my area.

Yes I just came on to say this, this has been known for a long time

I guess what I hope to find out is what are the possible solutions?

Research is very clear on the fact that children and especially boys needs father's in their lives. Or father figures (so grandad etc).
Fatherless boys are more likely to end up in prison, fail academically etc.

And it funny that that anti social behaviour in boys are on the rise and so are divorce and single mom households.
Honestly men and woman should value marriage (or at least a stable partnership) if the want stable children.
And people don't want to hear it .
Even in your op you state 'even in an all female household'.
When really, unfortunately and sadly, those boys are often the worst off. (Obsv there is exceptions, abusive parents etc)

I only had boys raised them myself their both adults now working got their own lifes.
Im pleased i only had boys because i dont think id have learned much about the male world i think thats why i stick up for some men.
Some mums that only have boys will say its an eye opener its not always the man's fault.
I dont think i would have had the same mindset if i had daughters.
I also think boys do get pushed out a lot when they're younger.And when they become men they seem to be the blame for everything.

Steve Biddulph wrote " Raising Boys" decades ago. Schools were failing boys then and far from improving, they continue failing boys and fail the girls too.

@Ohhbaby I suppose the problem is that women often face raising a child in an abusive relationship or raising a child without any male role models. I have an absent dad. In my community lots do.

I think this is correct, unfortunately.

Education is largely academic. Asking the education system to provide everything to everyone is part of the problem with schools and teacher retention.

I agree with your concern. I'm a teacher of almost 30 years in an inner-city secondary school, a school that punches above its weight in many regards, but I've seen and see boys being failed constantly.

I'm an English teacher but now in a specialist literacy role these past 3 years, targeting those with the lowest literacy. My groups are 80% boys, and 90% white. Often it's the result of undiagnosed dyslexia, but not always.

There's an entire conversion why that is- the main areas being parental engagement, parental education, parental confidence, environment, expectations, funding- but I agree that the curriculum does not serve their interests. It needs a sea-change, a complete overhaul.

@Puffalicious my sister (also a long standing teacher in an inner city secondary school in London) recently said just this to me. As a mum to a boy, this makes me so incredibly sad, for so many young boys out there . . .

Can you recommend any websites/literature where I could read more on this?