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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or was what I did childish?

116 replies

hasbeen91 · 04/02/2024 11:23

So DH and I have recently split, PIL moved to another country a few months ago and they have never really had any involvement with the kids or offered childcare (I am aware they dont have to and thats their choice). They never ring the kids or anything so their only outlook to see them is through my facebook, I unfriended them. Not because I want to be horrible but because they have little to no impact on my life and now apparently they are p at me because they cant see regular updates on the kids. There are other ways to see them, facetime etc. I hate facebook, everything is so false, they comment on their birthdays how much they love them and I just think it is all for show, no 1 would know they didnt have any involvement in their life.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 04/02/2024 11:24

You know it’s childish

Seeline · 04/02/2024 11:26

their only outlook to see them is through my facebook,

What about through their son/DCs Dad? Surely it's his responsibility to maintain the relationship (such that it is)?

Original poster
hasbeen91 · 04/02/2024 11:26

but they cant be pissed at me, I shouldnt be the only reason they can see pictures of the kids? what about Exdh?

OP posts:
Ifulikepinacoladas · 04/02/2024 11:26

Let your ex update them.

RandomMess · 04/02/2024 11:27

I can understand want in your privacy from them.

Surely their Dad can provide HIS parents with updates on his DC?

Original poster
hasbeen91 · 04/02/2024 11:27

I dont understand why it started to annoy me but it did.

OP posts:
Ihaterhymingrabbit · 04/02/2024 11:28

YANBU it’s exEHs responsibility to keep them updated now, not you.

Original poster
hasbeen91 · 04/02/2024 11:28

I do feel really childish for what I did and now I cant undo it.

OP posts:
Porkpie44 · 04/02/2024 11:28

No you’re not being childish. I did the same with my ex’ family when we split up as they never spoke to me. It’s down to your ex to provide them with photos etc, they’re nothing to do with you now.

Mumof2NDers · 04/02/2024 11:28

If they want a part in your DC lives they need to make more of an effort. I hate FB too. You can create a false narrative.

sarahc336 · 04/02/2024 11:29

It's no longer your job to update them, your fine op 😂

newlaptop12 · 04/02/2024 11:29

Their son can show them pictures.

TeaKitten · 04/02/2024 11:29

It was childish yes. But it’s done now so who cares. If you want to share pictures of the kids you can use an app like backthen, I use it because I don’t live near family and they want updates but I don’t like putting pictures of the kids on public social media. If you don’t want to show them updates then your ex can do it, they are his parents.

Lemsipper · 04/02/2024 11:30

YANBU! Proud of you 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Windymcwindyson · 04/02/2024 11:30

Absolutely not up to you facilitate any sort or relationship..

Comedycook · 04/02/2024 11:30

They don't sound like great involved grandparents at all but I actually think unfriending them is really passive aggressive. You shouldn't have done it. You may not be with their son anymore but you are still linked to them.

planningforthefuture · 04/02/2024 11:31

Surely it's down to their dad to keep them updated not you?

Unless your Facebook is dedicated purely to updates on your kids then keeping them as friends gives them a view into many aspects of your life, which are really none of their business. They aren't your friends are they, so why would they expect to be your friend on Facebook?

I don't think it's childish.

sprigatito · 04/02/2024 11:33

It's not childish at all. Why would you want your ex's parents as friends when you have no relationship with them? Removing them seems like a healthy boundary to me. It's their son's responsibility to facilitate their relationship with the children. Not yours.

Corondel · 04/02/2024 11:33

Childish and passive-aggressive, and likely to have a negative pact on your children’s relationship with their grandparents.

Bluenotgreen · 04/02/2024 11:36

Not remotely childish. They aren’t your family now, so if you don’t feel close to them, why would you stay friends with them on SM?

I unfriended all ILS when I split with XH.

LoveBluey · 04/02/2024 11:37

Corondel · 04/02/2024 11:33

Childish and passive-aggressive, and likely to have a negative pact on your children’s relationship with their grandparents.

No the grandparents lack of interest is what is harming their relationship.

My parents also show at best an indifference to my children and only ever see them if I arrange it. They offer no practical support or childcare and don't have much of a relationship with the kids. However they love telling their friends all about how amazing their grandchildren are and boasting about them. I've stopped sending them photos as I won't enable that.

Original poster
hasbeen91 · 04/02/2024 11:37

Corondel · 04/02/2024 11:33

Childish and passive-aggressive, and likely to have a negative pact on your children’s relationship with their grandparents.

If that is the case then I was right all along surely?

OP posts:
Firawla · 04/02/2024 11:37

It’s not childish, you’ve split up so they are not in your life any more and it’s understandable to want privacy from them at this time. The dad can update them on his own time.

RantyAnty · 04/02/2024 11:44

How did you find out they're mad at you for doing it?

You did the right thing. They can get that information through their son.

OceanicBoundlessness · 04/02/2024 11:46

My privacy would be my priority in your shoes.