Or was what I did childish?

[hasbeen91]

So DH and I have recently split, PIL moved to another country a few months ago and they have never really had any involvement with the kids or offered childcare (I am aware they dont have to and thats their choice). They never ring the kids or anything so their only outlook to see them is through my facebook, I unfriended them. Not because I want to be horrible but because they have little to no impact on my life and now apparently they are p at me because they cant see regular updates on the kids. There are other ways to see them, facetime etc. I hate facebook, everything is so false, they comment on their birthdays how much they love them and I just think it is all for show, no 1 would know they didnt have any involvement in their life.

They live in another country? How can they babysit or see the kids regularly?

Moved a few months ago - never had much contact or blathered with the kids - not in OP’s shoulders.

My mum shares crap like this.

She never bothers with them at all but is THE best granny ever on Facebook. Oh she's fucking doting.

I always have to resist the urge to comment, "I didn't know you had grandchildren other than my lot! You keeping secrets huh, mam?"

She lives just up the road. She'll drive past our house several times a week but never has the time to stop in.
She's unemployed and she passes us constantly going to the takeaway or to the animal feed place. Visits to her are pretty unwelcome because she'll need to head out soon for... [insert any random reason] or is needing to phone someone etc.

Don't feel bad OP. They can get their info from your ex.

As a separated parent you have enough to be doing managing everything now as a single mother. It's not your job to also manage the relationship between your children and your ex-in-laws. That's your Ex-h's job.

Would your Ex-h be in regular contact with your family updating them about your children?

My DH's brother separated from his DW. Me and her are very good friends. We keep in regular contact and our children (first cousins) are great friends because we keep in touch. My BIL has a problem that I am in touch with her! He thinks as I'm married to his brother my loyalty should be to him, and not her! He actually has an issue with the fact that we meet up and our children meet up. She has pointed out that if it was left to him and my DH the cousins would never know each other! She's not wrong.

BTW I married DH, not his family. I'm fine with seeing them and being in contact with them as part of being married to him. If we should ever separate I will not be seeking out a relationship with them! I have little in common with them. I'm not in regular contact with any of them. I don't even have most of their numbers 🤷🏻‍♀️. If we separate I wouldn't miss any of them from my life, and I certainly wouldn't be taking on the responsibility of keeping them updated regarding my children. That would be their son's responsibility 😊

That's on the GPs though, not OP.

My now ex in laws were rubbish at keeping in touch. I made all the contact in order for my children to have a relationship with their GPs. XH did nothing. On FB though, they'd primed themselves as perfect GPs.

When we divorced, my then teen children had their own phones. GPs did no check-ins with their grandchildren. Offered them no support through the toughest time of their young lives.

Adult children now have little to no contact with their GPs. That's on the GPs, not me nor my children.

Why is it?

My in-laws are not on my Facebook either. Nor do they have my personal mobile number.

A time came in my life when some people close to me were having a very difficult time. There was a possibility that updates as to their progress might have come up on my timeline. Then I had surgery and developed serious complications afterwards and was ill for months. I did not want my in-laws knowing about this, or about any of the struggles my loved ones were going through.

My in-laws receive no access to my personal information, nor do I show them where I'm vulnerable, because they have shown me nothing but contempt. They were told some months afterwards, once I'd recovered, and I'm not at all convinced they wouldn't have taken pleasure in that news had they known.

They don't bother with our DC either and that's not for want of trying on DH's part.

I have no intention of pretending 'friendship' or maintaining contact on SM or elsewhere with people who I know wish me ill.

YANBU.

I do feel really childish for what I did and now I cant undo it.

I personally don't think its your responsibility but there's a simple option...Message them on Facebook messenger or text and say "Hi, EXDH has mentioned you were upset you can no longer see updates of the children so I thought we could direct message about them? I can add photos and updates in here, and you can facetime them on 1st every month? I know they would love to catch up". If they ask why you deleted them you say it made you feel awkward they had such a front row view to your life when they barely knew you. This way they're not using the children for clout on Facebook in public but youre still keeping the communication open. However its really not your responsibility and you should have told EX that.

What relationship are you referring to? The relationship from grandparents who don’t give a shit about their grandkids aside posting comments on Facebook?

It’s fine to unfriend them

but I personally don’t think it’s fine to put pictures of children on Facebook / social media at all. They can’t really consent and they have no control over their digital footprint.

I have deactivated my account now and I feel much better.

Would your Ex-h be in regular contact with your family updating them about your children?

Ha! Exactly this!!

Apparently they no longer like me because of it. I dunno if i care

the children had no relationship maybe the grandparents will have to make an effort now to stay in touch which would only benefit the grandchildren.

He's bullshitting you.

So you'll continue to do wifework for him.

They probably told him how dissapointed they were in him.

You're well rid of him.

He's only telling you this stuff (whether true or made up by him) to manipulate you into doing what his parents want so that he doesn't have to bother updating them on his DC's lives himself.

You shouldn't. You're now separated from your husband. It's not your responsibility to appease and placate his family.

I don't know would I even believe his version of events. And if it is true, then you're well rid. You don't need to be trying to keep the peace.