To wholeheartedly agree with Brianna Ghey’s mother

[Moonpig82]

I spotted this article this morning. We personally do not allow Tik Tok, Insta, Facebook, Snapchat. For our eldest who has just got a phone when starting Year 7. However we have succumbed to whatsapp.

What are people’s thoughts? How can we ‘police’ our children’s phones?

Or AIBU and there is no policing for social media? I know my Year 7 child’s friends do have these apps. Not all of them though.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68193103

Yes I totally agree AI is already being used for war propaganda and if we don’t teach critical thinking ( we may already be too late ) then people will believe anything they see is real .

I was watching the video about the strictest headmistress and her legal high court case and she has some interesting things to say about letting children be children and levelling up actually gives them more tools to be free later in life . She believes no children under 15 should have smart phones .

Brianna spent most of her time alone in her room because she was autistic and had ADHD. She mostly socialised online. I think if she hadn't, she'd have been much worse mentally than she already was.

I am also autistic and have adhd and online communities have kept me sane at times of my life.

Some of the issue with this case is Scarletts unrestricted access to the Internet meaning she could access the dark Web and Google whatever she wanted. She also had plans to kill and kill lists in plain sight in her room. Why wasn't anyone checking?
However, Scarlett was always going to do this type of crime, with or without the Internet.

DD's bus pass is a QR code on her phone.
All her homework is on an app. Some can be done in her books which is fine, even if research is required. Some (including revision) are on more apps and websites and need to be handed in online.
They got a frikking team project to do for homework and it was a pain for all of them to be available on a suitable platform. DD ended up doing the whole thing herself, then copying and pasting for the others so they could write it in their books.
Her timetable is on an app.
In some lessons they're asked to research things on their phones or log in to x website or app to do whatever.
If things are cancelled or set up she gets an email or notification.
She's only 12.🙄

That's just the basic stuff. I know you mentioned the secure laptop in the communal room. If parents are savvy enough and willing to police a laptop, they can police a phone/tablet too. If they're not, then that laptop is just as dangerous as a phone, so a pointless measure and even a risky one as parents will think their kid is safe and not doing x,y,z because they don't have a phone.

I have had all the Snapchat and tik tok arguments with my DD (16). She's given up now!

It does take an interested parent to monitor and care about what is being accesses on the Internet. Whether that is via phone, tablet, computer.

My DD still has Family link on her phone. Her usage before 13 was a lot healthier than it is now so I think it is even more important to educate her on the safety of phones. Also, she is supposed to be revising, not Instagramming! She has time limits set for each app and understands why they are there. We can extend these limits at a press of a button. We can also turn her phone off if needed. She understands that having a phone is not a right and if she wants us to continue paying the bill, she'll put up with our rules/restrictions.

It's been hard work to get where we are now but that hard work has paid off. Many parents don't want that hard work and then have to deal with the consequences at a later date. Hard to lock the stable door and all that...

@Sureaseggs44 I highly recommend the book "The Irrational Ape" to discuss and learn more about teaching critical thinking, it's a few years old so out of date given the pace of AI development, but it's definitely worth reading.

DH did a course recently on AI which he found fascinating and I bought him the book "The Coming Wave" which is a really good exploration of the potential (for both harm and good) that AI represents.

WTF stop and think that through.

Job at 16 but not allowed a phone to check the train times ?

It's verging on the the ridiculous that at 17 yo mother can't take her toddler to soft play as they need an Adult over 18 .

Something like this does exist though - my child has an iPhone with an Apple ID that is linked to mine. She can’t add contacts or apps without my my permission. I get a message every time.

I don’t think you can say that as a fact . If you are constantly watching things that appear to make violence acceptable / normal / exciting then it may actually affect your actions .

All this focus on parents is letting the creators of these apps and technology off the hook somewhat.

I can see the average teen is tech savy and can get one over their parents. Are they really more tech savy that these companies.

Of course parenting is part of the solution but i reckon til tok could do more if it wanted too

How would that have stopped Jenkinson accessing the dark Web on her tablet/ipad?

The idea of parents having to connect their accounts and gaving an alert when certain words are put in, or certain websites is good. Then we actually charge parents for child neglect when things go wrong. We need early intervention and criminal sanctions, so parents lives are made more difficult if they are badly failing their children. The every child matters strategy was a good one and the policies put in place enforced after the James Bulger murder (both boys had dropped off everyone's radar). We won't get what's needed because inclusivity was never going to work. Children's services are underfunded and there's a percentage of children who we are happy to write off.

Are you joking?

No. Absolutely not. Do not victim blame this.

Wave you seen any opera? Don Giovani isn't calling women bitches but he might as well. Carmen is racist.

Madame Butterfly? A 15 year old married to an older man, it's like a plotline from Eastenders.

mine both use buses / trains / online banking etc everything you do as an adult on your phone - how would that work then?

A small town in Ireland brought in a voluntary code where the primary schools argued for no phones before secondary school (aged 12/13 in Ireland). Last I heard it was going well and still in force.
https://www.itv.com/news/2023-06-08/parents-in-irish-town-unite-to-say-no-to-their-children-having-smartphones

Parents are often afraid to say no on an individual basis but fine on a group basis. That might be more realistic than expecting phone companies to take care of this.

I think better to clamp down on content being available in the first place, rather than try to prevent teens from accessing it

Or, pay for youth workers to steer them towards better choices. If no one watched these sites, they would disappear

Fewer CYP use drugs and alcohol than in the past. Society can move in a positive direction

Realistically I do think this is the best we can do

It is possible if parents make it possible. DD wasn't allowed certain apps until she was old enough. She was allowed enough apps that she could play games and talk to her friends. She didn't have a smart phone until she was 11 and starting secondary school. There are kids as young as 5 being given smart phones by their parents.

I know the passwords to everything and can access her phone at any time. If she changes any passwords then I can take the phone away. She is 15 now and I trust her more, but she knows that I still have the right to access her phone.

We had a case of grooming in our family several years ago, involving a 12yo and a21yo and it actually went to court, so I have been very aware of the damage that phones can cost.

DD is 15 now and has no interest in TikTok at all. She can't understand her peers who are addicted to it and addicted to their phones.

If more parents put their foot down and made their kids get off their phones, it would make a huge difference. But a lot of parents don't care. A lot of parents are just happy that the kids aren't bothering them.

The change has to start with the parents. Check the apps, limit the time spent, turn off the wifi overnight, remove the phones from meal tables, insist on free time without the phones.

Yes the Government can step in and do something, yes the schools can go on about the dangers of social media, but it has to start with the parents removing the access/phones from the children.

There needs to also be standardised policies in schools around mobile phone use. We're looking at a private secondary school for DD (unpopular opinion on MN for some I know 😜), I was really pleased to read their mobile phone policy use which is that parents need to complete a form at the start of the school year stating that their child has permission to have a phone at school and that the phone is handed to the Tutor and the start of the day and given back at the end of the day unless there are extentuating circumstances. If a parent needs to contact their child then it has to be done through the school office.

I work in a school. They’re banned and should be in their lockers.

Do you know who complains about this rule the most? Parents.

Do you not understand that Scarlett had a kill list which involved other children who were not trans?
That she's made another kill list whilst in detention?
Or do you purposefully ignore these things because it fits in with your anti trans nonsense? Why are you victim blaming?

It comes down to parental responsibility IMO. There's no need for teens to have unrestricted access to devices - it's not good for any of us. Restrict what they can access and don't leave them with their phones 24/7.

We (the big we) generally accept that if a child grows up around unsafe, unpredictable, violent, aggressive parents, that this will have a significant effect on their development and their propensity to commit crime/violent crime in later life

Yet we find it very difficult to accept that if the same child is exposed for hours and hours on end via the internet/phone/laptop whatever, to the same thing, that this will also have an impact on their behaviour.

For those saying the killers would have killed anyway, even without all this exposure.