To wholeheartedly agree with Brianna Ghey’s mother

[Moonpig82]

I spotted this article this morning. We personally do not allow Tik Tok, Insta, Facebook, Snapchat. For our eldest who has just got a phone when starting Year 7. However we have succumbed to whatsapp.

What are people’s thoughts? How can we ‘police’ our children’s phones?

Or AIBU and there is no policing for social media? I know my Year 7 child’s friends do have these apps. Not all of them though.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68193103

Agree, OP. It's a very good idea. And just because it might be difficult doesn't mean it's not worth trying.

There have been years of children having unfettered access to the internet; that's clearly harmful and needs to change.

Yes we did all that. Piece of piss at primary age as mummy rules. Then they go to secondary and reach 13..

teenager's delete messages they won’t want read as they send them.

Amen. I was an often bored only child who my mother managed to pacify with comic books, colouring in, kaleidoscopes etc. If you go out and buy your infant a tablet or phone to shut them up you are a bad parent.

Whilst I think the use of social media is a risk for grooming and undetected bullying and parents should be closely monitoring younger teenagers access to it, I don't believe it breeds killers or causes mental illnesses like anorexia.

If you are a psychopathic killer you will find a way with or without social media. No normal child becomes a killer because of social media.

Here is the thing, there are ways to monitor this. To be an active parent. To support your kids.

But there are also parents who are disengaged and do not care. Which means this sort of thing will always happen.

You have wristband trackers for worried parents. And dummy phones.

@HoneyButterPopcorn Part might be trying to persuade parents to not slap a mobile phone into the hands of babes in prams, kids in restaurants etc and encourage them to do ‘real world stuff’.

I was about to say this. I know plenty of parents who have automatically given their kids phones at mealtimes to amuse themselves practically since birth. Equally, most homework is set online now, even for younger kids. It’s tricky to be strict about technology use when we expect kids to use it when it suits us.

Make smart phones illegal for under 18s. Yes of course it’s good for them to have a phone to access phone calls and texts in case of emergency, even Google maps. But let’s be honest, what is the benefit of smart phones for todays teens and pre-teens? If it’s the law then children are less likely to be made fun of when they have parents who restrict smart phones/social media use. Hopefully this will be lobbied in the next few years

I don't want my teen dd to have social media so we refused initially the result was a depressed and isolated teenager who was left out and already doesn't feel she fits in due to autism. It's not that black and white.

Well yes you can do that. But your teens friends won’t. And as they get older year on year their friends are more important to them than you are.

I agree with Brianna’s mother. My DC has not reached the age where mobiles are wanted/needed but I dread to think where that will lead us despite our best intentions to monitor them.

As a pp as said, children/teens having unfettered access to whatever they like on the internet is already having devastating consequences across the world and future generations will wonder wtf were we thinking allowing this. So, what the hell can we do about it? I don’t know.

We're at a similar tipping point with AI right now - I can only hope that people (companies, governments, etc) have learned the lessons around the lack of regulation of social media and step in now to regulate AI while it is still in it's relatively early stages. Don't be mistaken, we're approaching another industrial revolution, probably the most significant one to date.

Ive already said I dont know what the answer is, I was just making the comparison that people use 'phone' as if its some sort of innocent thing, but its not, the same way if you knew your child is going somewhere where there is danger, unsafe adults, risk taking beahviour, drugs, drink, weapons etc etc
No one would think twice about saying you're not going there or actively going to get them

But for some reason we think that theres nothing we can do when kids are viewing exactly the same thing.

I think the other important thing to note is that those of use who work with kids know that while it might not make headlines all the time, lots and lots of kids harm other kids, harming their siblings, harming their parents, harming themselves. People keep mentioning 'the average/normal' kid wouldnt go looking or wouldnt think to want to hurt others, but sometimes they do because they've got caught up in seeing things which make it normal and interesting to them. Yes they might have some sort of macabre interest to start with, but many of us have macabre interests, look how popular true crime series are, if its fed in a really unhelpful way, mixed with disorders where children risk being obsessed about things, seeking thrills or excitment and sometimes you end up with harm

Surely that's the parents responsibility? If you don't want your child having access to apps/ phones then don't.

You can always a phone that is text / call. Everyone blames the government/ companies and don't take responsibility themselves.

It's the parents who should be checking apps / social interactions. I don't even look at my 15 year olds anymore but should his attitude change then that's a different story. I check my 11 year olds all the time.

It’s weird , parents argue for phones for safety as they need to keep their children tracked , but they are being exposed to on line relentless bullying , Chinese owned tik tok and pornography and violence . Which is more dangerous ?
There are schools that have banned them and children are actually talking to each other and are happier .

you either don’t give them smart phones or the really adult sites must have responsibility for access , for example you must have a credit card to access them .

@CaveMum AI is such a worry. I absolutely hope the governments of the world do something.

Those of us who had school years free of “ Antisocial media “ now realise how lucky we were.

Social media is really awful for children and teens ( Adults too)

Bullying and harassment can ramp up to horrible levels on social media.

Absolutely. As a nearly 50 so non digital native it’s all frankly terrifying. Dh already working out non AI jobs to advise teens to go for their first choices won’t exist in 10 years.

If smart phones were not accessible for under 18s this would not be an issue. Good on you for trying, like you said your child became isolated for not accessing what everyone else could and that is not something a parent would want - cause potential resentment and an unhappy child. If they made it illegal for under 18s to have smart phones it would give the parents the power to restrict and stop the bullying/isolation of not being able to access social media

On another note, my DD (9) has been having counselling for unrelated matters. One of the first questions the counsellor asked was "does she have access to social media?" When we said no her response was to hold out for as long as we possibly can - that 80% of the the problems she sees in children and young people can be traced back in some form to social media use.

DD has been asking for a phone for a while, but the requests have definitely gotten more frequent now. She claims "most" of her friends have them (I know a few do, mainly children whose parents are separated and they use the phone to keep in touch with the non-resident parent) but I've drawn a line in the sand and said her 11th birthday is the absolute earliest she will get one. Her birthday will be 6 months before she starts secondary school so I see that as a reasonable point in time. We've not agreed to a particular type of phone or anything like that, and if I don't think she can demonstrate the maturity to use it responsibly then she will get a simple brick phone over a smart phone.

I mentioned to a friend who works in a school that I think mobile phones shouldn't be used in school but she said schools often need the children to use them in class. This is an independent school which also seems to have a high number of troubled kids. If it's true that schools require them, then they are a huge part of the problem.

There is already a smart phone that won't download certain apps, but I've forgotten its name I'm afraid. I know it's American. So children can use it for transport information, which they may well need, but not access the more worrying apps.

I think the idea of children's phones for under 16 wouldn't really work
Nor would banning them from social media
But I think a culture change in limiting and monitoring usage
First of all parents need to stop saying they can't stop their children accessing this content in the home.
Parental controls on broadband & phones
Turn off the WiFi at bedtime
Make sure phones & laptops are used under supervision inside the home
Parents need to lead by example - look at how much time they spend on social media- if your child sees you posting pictures and living your life online they copy it.
Stop saying they don't have time due to work or they don't feel comfortable invading their child's privacy.
In school
I watched a Korean show on netflix which had a school scene- all the children put the mobile phones in a box at the start of the lesson and collected them at the end.
Or
Headteachers at secondary - could look into a system for banning phone at breaktime
If child needs a phone for a particular reason then maybe phones could be booked in to the office for instance with a letter of consent from parent stating why their child needs a phone.
Headteachers at junior schools - should look at whether mobile phones should be bought into school.
A cultural change is needed on the relationship between children and their phones.

I would love to see schools take a lead on this by pushing the message to parents and teens consistently.

I was shocked recently to learn than half my child’s peers in year 4 have a mobile phone! It’s crazy to me.

Alargeoneplease89
So you’re lecturing and blaming other parents but not checking your own child’s phone. How on earth are you so positive your 15 year old is so different and in some kind of protective bubble. The reason you’re not checking your teens phone is because it’s impossible, the same as everybody else.