To wholeheartedly agree with Brianna Ghey’s mother

[Moonpig82]

I spotted this article this morning. We personally do not allow Tik Tok, Insta, Facebook, Snapchat. For our eldest who has just got a phone when starting Year 7. However we have succumbed to whatsapp.

What are people’s thoughts? How can we ‘police’ our children’s phones?

Or AIBU and there is no policing for social media? I know my Year 7 child’s friends do have these apps. Not all of them though.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68193103

We need to take the focus off Social Media and phones, and put it back in the lack of Mental Health provision for young people. CAMHS is overwhelmed to stagnation, GPs won’t work with under 18s, Schools have neither the money or expertise, and Social Care isn’t interested unless there is life endangering neglect.

Parents need services that they can access to get support when their child is starting to struggle. Which service would be interested in “my child is watching violent videos on the internet” ? None. As a parent, of course you can cut the internet off, but that doesn’t address the issue of why they were looking at it in the first place.

It’s easy for the government to shove all this onto parents.. without any acknowledgement that they have continually cut services for years. it just took me 3 years to get an ASD assesment for DD, and to get anti-anxiety meds prescribed to help her function. In that time, it was her phone and SM that allowed her to stay in contact with the outside world

I mean if a child told his or her parents, I want to go and spent time chatting with a drug dealer/criminal/incel/paedophile/suicide enthusiast/psychopath all night tonight - the parents would absolutely say no. giving open access to the Internet is essentially the same thing, no limits who the child is interacting with. but most parents just let loose, I think mainly due to lack of awareness.

if we have time to legislate to give bankers back their bonuses, then we have time to legislate to protect our children. if the quality of the legislation is there, the technology will follow.

I can see the difference in the quality of life and cognitve and emotional development between children in my social circle who are exposed to unrestricted phone access v not. even if no extreme consequences, the cumulative, negative effects on a mass level are undeniable.

@Chucklecheeks01 , I’m exactly the same. Age restricted Youtube, but no access to anything else due to having a criminal law background. I won’t have TikTok or Snapchat on my phone for the same reason, have limited Instagram, facebook and Twitter and no sharing my daughters names or photos either.
My 2 are both teenagers and have seen the damage it does to their friends. If their friends at school talk about stuff on tv, we’re happy to watch it with them so we can discuss any issues, and if they see stuff on their friends phones we talk about it together at home. At 13 they both got to choose the social media apps they wanted except TikTok. Both decided they wanted to continue without anything but WhatsApp, which we allowed.

Have only read the start of the thread. Mine are still little but I suspect it's like trying to stop teenagers having sex - you can put in as many rules as you want, supervise them as closely as you like but if they are determined they will find a way. So it's more important to teach them how to have sex or use social media responsibly to minimise risk of harm to themselves and others.

As so many posters have said, the genie is out of the bottle.

She is promoting a charity that focuses on the mental health of young people. Part might be trying to persuade parents to not slap a mobile phone into the hands of babes in prams, kids in restaurants etc and encourage them to do ‘real world stuff’.

this tech is out there but should be viewed as a tool - not entertainment/replacement of real life activities and experiences.

It was really hard with my dd when they were teens as they were the first generation to have this level of social media so we were literally going in blind. And I was from the last generation not to (typically) have a phone as a teen. So could not relate at all.

I would do things very differently now I know more

ten years ago when I was in school and longer when the internet was a bit newer I can remember being shown beheading videos, a lot of porn, am2 girls one cup if your around my age and was at school you’d of been shown this it’s where two girls looked in a cup and eat it one man one jar where a man put a jar uo his bum I can remember all of it so vividly and didn’t enjoy watching any of it but it was always being shown in school on peoples phones or shared on Facebook.

I hate the internet but unfortunately it’s not new anymore and I don’t think the violence in kids can be directly linked as there was not one child with a knife in my school when we went and I went to a very rough school in a very deprived area.

I think it’s a huge combination of things alot being grime musics and media like top boy for the gang violence and this case is so odd with the girls complete facination with killing.

Unenforceable unless you take the phone off them and good luck with that.

Google Family Link changes when kids turn 13 which complies with uk law.

I do think parents should have more control and companies should have responsibility until children are 16.

13 still seems very young to me. To have unfiltered and uncontrolled Internet access.

But then other things make little sense like Spotify kids can't link to an external speaker.

No smart phones. Dummy phone and/or wrist tracker for worried parents. No tablets. Laptops only allowed for school work and used in common areas where you can see what they are up to. Absolutely no access to social media apps until 16. If you do this from infancy much easier but it can even be implemented later if you steel yourselves for complaints. Here’s the thing, you wouldn’t let your child take drugs, drive a car underage, smoke cigarettes etc etc and these devices have the potential to be just as dangerous for those too young to handle them.

I think this is a fantastic idea and I wish it would become law. I would happily prevent all access to social media and almost all access to the internet for kids. It’s so hard to control even as a diligent parent

I agree that social media is obviously bad for children and has done a lot of damage to society.

But I have to also accept that every generation has a story like this, and social media wasn't around for previous murders of children by other children.

It's complex and don't think that a silver bullet is going to stop this sort of stuff from happening ever again (but may well limit it).

So yes, safe mobile phones etc for children is a good idea, but don't think it is going to fix everything.

I think one of them was accessing violent sites on the dark web, so any ban of children from apps etc will be circumvented by a determined child, who is already disturbed. I suspect that Brianna and the children involved in her murder would still have accessed the content they were accessing, except they may have been accessing more brutal content, as they would have all tried to access the Dark Web as a result of being banned. They were all 3 very troubled kids, probably made worse by social media, but she herself said that she struggled to control Brianna's use of SM.
I do agree that the age needs to be raised for legal use of social media apps. My children are only allowed on Whatsapp and I have restrictions on their phones., but once they turn 13, you get a notification saying that you can no longer stop them from using the apps, and they have to consent to restrictions. 13 is still too young.

Brianna was very popular on TikTok - maybe it gave her a sense of community and her life happier before the horror happened to her.

It’s not up to tech companies it’s up to parents. Be a parent, not a friend. Treat phones as you would alcohol, cigarettes, drugs and weapons. Of course most parents are also addicted to the internet so are reluctant to do what’s needed.

Well you surely wouldnt allow your child to stay over at a friends house if the friend's parents were running a crack house/prostitution taking place?

Why is this different?

You would say no?

Absolutely no access to social media apps until 16.

That's dead easy to say but when half the class are organising stuff via WhatsApp or Facebook then your restricting your kids social life.

Also so many youth groups communicate via FB and WhatsApp. At some point kids need to sort themselves out

Born how old are your children?

It all starts too young. Children being given tablets to 'survive' long journeys, to keep them quiet in restaurants, to allow mum/dad a 'moment to catch up on chores'. Parents have managed for centuries without screens. Yes they can make certain situations easier but your child misses out on learning if they skip that 'difficult/boring' moment.

Bickering/getting bored in a car is normal and important for development. You miss bonding time, chatting, learning.
Learning to sit still in a restaurant and engage with adults is normal but can be difficult. You will survive.
Having kids trail you while you do jobs is important for them. A 1 year old will gain so much more from you talking them through the colours of items you are hanging up than they will by watching Bing.

Just stop giving kids screens. Then give teens screens you are heavily in control of (dumb phone). Then seriously look at your own screen use. STEP AWAY.

You would look down at a 2 year old drinking coca cola for breakfast. We need to develop the same eye roll for this kind of behaviour. Shaming works unfortunately!

Lots of people will say 'but my situation is X/Y/Z' - but unless your child has additional needs get a grip!

I am mid 30s. In the age of those who have seen both sides of tech. As 30yo even I can’t have tiktok. It’s the epitome of doom scrolling. To addictive and brain melting. Annoying Instagram went the same route so I just use it a lot less.

I do think our generation will be quite tight with the tech. I know numerous people with no tv. Our two year old was gifted a tablet and we last used it a year ago for travel.

I don’t think I will be allowing much tech as he grows up. And that’s not because it’s bad now! It’s going to be even worse! Everyone is going to be sitting with these visors on with no ability to hear, or even look at one another. Just zombies. Fuck that. It’s not cool.

What to all sleepovers and meet-ups? It takes one phone. How do you supervise screen use of all other teens meeting up with your teen?

Sorry that was to @soupfiend

I work in a school and we have a “softwall”. Every time a student searches for certain words we are alerted. I wish there was something like this for phones. It would help.

If parents want to get serious about protecting their children from this stuff they need to seek out likeminded parents in their communities and create alternative social groups for their children where kids base their friendships on real face to face contact and play and not digital communication. Parents and children will be much happier and fulfilled as a result.

Best practice is some type of access with a lot of talking,supervision and guidance.

However , that takes a lot of time and it is hard work so a lot of people go for the extremes. No access at all or unfettered access. Both types are just as dangerous and harmful , especially when things go wrong. Both types ignore warnings and refuse to acknowledge that their kid might be doing x,y,z.