Food portions and how to laugh this off??

[PenisPortions]

Help me dear mners, my dh is gaslighting me into accepting his penis portions and I need your stories of similar craziness to help me laugh it off..!

In laws came round, we had two large steaks for dinner. MIL wasn't keen on steak so we made her a stuffed pepper and sides so she was catered for and happy. FIL wanted half of one of the steaks, fine. Dh asked what I thought about that and I said yes fine we'll just share the rest. Dh looked confused for a bit and I said I think it's enough between the two of us to share the remainder.

FIL cooked the sides, DH bbqed the steaks (i was in with the baby), and I come out to see three plates of food. Two have half a steak on them and the third has a whole steak, which dh had claimed as his plate.

I was like ummm are you not splitting it? He said yes I did, and I kind of laughed in disbelief saying no you've given yourself twice the amount of food as me! He got really defensive, said this was what we agreed (not true), and got cross. I told him I was going to even things out, so cut off some of his, and he was so grumpy about it, saying he'd said he wanted a full one and I agreed to that. No "I'm sorry I misunderstood and under catered for you, let's split it like grown ups".

It is such a stupid little thing but keeps playing on my mind, what on earth was that?! Please tell me stories of similar imbalances that your partners have tried to get away with to help me put it into perspective.

It is irritating though and it's really not funny now, just old and it's not satire, just tired. Any 'joke' where somebody isn't in on it isn't one.

Any thread about food is game for somebody to post about a 'week-long chicken'. Take no notice, most people ignore it now.

It could be game or any edible bird.

I'm the same height as my husband, plus I weightlift normally, and at the moment tend to spend 90m toting our 8kg son around in a sling a day minimum. I'm also breastfeeding.

My husband has put on a fair bit of weight through poor eating habits post birth.

MIL still served him and my skinny FIL the extra half baked potato each last Sunday. (I'd have much preferred extra stew tbh).

My husband is usually super generous in making sure I get the best piece of whatever is going, but I am currently giving him side eye for only bringing me one Cornish pasty rather than the two I asked for after I've been for an hour of swimming.

I'm 100% with you.

But I think my husband would have expected his head bitten off if he'd done this, especially if I was breastfeeding!!

Would I have offered any I didn't want to him? Sure. But the expectation that my steak is halved to accommodate a guest rather than his, or ideally, both of them having a quarter removed? No thanks.

*It is irritating though and it's really not funny now, just old and it's not satire, just tired. Any 'joke' where somebody isn't in on it isn't one.

Any thread about food is game for somebody to post about a 'week-long chicken'. Take no notice, most people ignore it now.*

You are right @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe, it is a very tired joke that always gets trotted out, I hate the snobbery and social blindness of it. No it isn;t a 'mental attitude to portions', some people can't afford fillet steak, some people do have to stretch ingredients out and make the protein last for several days. I grew up in a family of 6 where a chicken was made to last for days in different forms, I am on a pretty strict budget now. I have to plan and think ahead every meal and I make things last and get every ounce of goodness out of food and don't waste it.

The 'make a chicken last a week' joke or the idea that people are showing off or 'eating like birds' if they don't pile their plates up to the ceiling, is just a not very subtle way of having a dig at people on lower incomes - and sadly that is what is 'typical' of MN, not the old 'making a chicken last' trope, but the inherent contempt for anyone less fortunate.

Op since you asked for stories let me tell you one. My sil was visiting us from abroad. We went to the supermarket, DH asked her if she wanted chocolate. She said no, I think she was just shy as we were paying all her expenses on holiday. Anyway DH bought himself a chocolate. We came home and after DH took out the chocolate to eat. His sis( sil) asked him for a bit and he wouldn’t give her any. I was horrified and couldn’t believe he wouldn’t share with his sister. I am allergic so couldn’t eat the chocolate so hadn’t bought any or I would have given her mine. His explanation was that he offered to buy her whatever she wanted but she refused the offer and now she has no leg to stand on. I couldn’t imagine denying my sibling chocolate especially when they have come from abroad and don’t see them often. Anyway sil didn’t make a big deal about it. I guess she was used to her brother. I was not amused and have never forgiven him.

Coming to the steak issue, DH would give me more meat or it would be equal. He knows I love my meat, and usually I eat the same or more meat than him. I eat more salad and veg and less or no carb’s compared to him. He eats lot more carbs than me. He also snacks between meals while I don’t eat between meals. We both are a healthy weight for our heights and both run and also lift weights. Also I would have made the lamb chops too as I am a feeder and would like my guests to have enough food.

This. What is it that mumsnetters dont get? a majority of men need more calories and therefore consume more food than women. Are many commenting defending the OP overweight? Genuine question.

Yep, he absolutely would have offered to have the smallest portion if there wasn't enough!

My mother (Irish and 79) remembers it being a thing in her childhood, but understandable because (a) because they were dirt-poor to the point of there not being a whole lot to eat for anyone and (b) her father and brother were doing energy-intensive manual work (farm labourers), so got the vast majority of any available protein, while women and children filled up on bread, potatoes, cabbage etc.

Unfortunately, the childhood poor diet has left her with health issues.

I remember when I was in hospital after having DS by emergency section (in those days they kept you in a fortnight - nowadays they barely finish knotting the last stitch and you're in the car on your way home)/. I was BF and was starving on the tiny portions of hospital food.

I ordered asked Mr Viper to bring me in something that I could eat. He brought a cooked chicken, a pint of cheddar, some crackers, fruit and a box of Black Magic. I cried. "Is that all?"

I knew I'd go through it in a night.

The point being that if for whatever reason you don't want to cut up the meat, there's no reason whatsoever to assume that the average man's greater need for calories (which doesn't even apply when the woman is breastfeeding) trumps the average woman's greater need for iron. Although I think the idea that cutting up a steak is undignified might be a bit, erm, niche.

😂

@Corondel

Yes, when men and boys worked the fields, they were given more potatoes.

No farmers in my family though.

As the people that saying that dividing up a steak equally is esthetically displeasing, surely the person sharing out would take the smaller portion then. It's called, being considerate.

I am not sure anyone is siding with the husband of the OP.

I don't get why this is ignored. Men need more calories (on average) than women.

If I ate the same amount as my not fat 6’4” husband I would soon be a wide as I am tall.

Serving the same size portions to him and me doesn’t make any sense. If we eat out I eat what I want and then swap plates.

But can men only gain those calories from stealing the wife's fair share of the meat? Can't men find calories in other food sources such as the accompaniments to that steak such as chips, or bread/butter or idk, a pudding??

Steak and Kidney Pudding ?

Well he can have extra potatoes and veg.

Why should he get more if the "good stuff"????

You might have a point if they had to ration their food every day and the only food he could get was what he shared with the OP and they had to ration them out in proportion to what their calorie needs were 😂

However that's not the case. In this situation they bought 2 steaks, one for her, one for him. They both wanted and were going to have a full steak. His father then came for a visit and had half a steak and the OPs partner decided that his fathers half of the steak came off the OPs portion. He gave his wifes food away 😂
The husband wasn't going to lose weight or muscle mass because on one occasion he only had 3/4 of a steak instead of a full one!

I've always been slim/bordering on underweight but eat a lot of calories, more than a lot of men!

😂😂😂

Irrelevant. If there were 2 sausages available between you and husband. You'd expect to share them fairly, surely? And like old starving DH can have extra bread or whatever.

Because they need more protein than we do. It's basic bloody biology. They need more protein, more fat, more carbs and more nutrient. It's just a fact. It mightn't feel like it in our society of plenty but it's actually an evolutionary advantage to have less calorific needs. To need less of "the good stuff." It's most likely part of the reason we have a longer lifespan.

Men and women aren't the same. We have different bodies and insisting on eating equal amounts does one or both of us actual damage.

That's not how nutrition works. Not even close.

So you never have the same portions as him ever?

On a whole it makes sense that you would eat less than him, but surely there are some occasions where you both eat the same amount?

Such as say a burger or a dessert?