To mums with teens ... have you ever been tempted to walk out?

[teengirlmum]

I've name-changed for this, as I have flaming fear!
I have 3 daughters who live at home; one is in her early 20s and she's a dream. The younger two are 14 and 17, and they are trickier.
I'm in my late 40s, I'm a single mum and I work full-time.
I am struggling with the younger two; I do my best to be a hugely loving, supportive and kind parent. However they're selfish and I really don't get much back. I've tried talking to them about my feelings, but nothing changes.
What I wouldn't give for a hug, uninitiated by me! For one of them to suggest that we watch a film together. Or the offer of a cup of tea.
I'm fucking sad, weary, sick and tired of it all.
I have a fantasy. I fuck off for a few days and leave them to it. Let their bloody father cope with them for a bit (the one my 14 year old threatens to go live with, whenever I call her out on anything).
Has anyone ever done this? I know I won't, as I care too much as don't want to traumatise them, but the thought of them waking up to the situation we're in fills me with a certain albeit morbid sense of glee.
Knowing my luck though, it would have the opposite effect!
AIBU?

Oh, and if you don't mind, I'd love to hear from those who have the typical moody, challenging teens. I don't want to hear about the perfect ones, as I already feel like I'm failing.
Thanks.

Solidarity 😌

This sounds difficult, so sending you a virtual hug, if you don’t mind 🤗.

Thanks! I thought it was hard when they were little, but NOTHING could have prepared me for the teenage years. It can be brutal!

Very happily accepted, thank you!

Now go and put the kettle on

Don't worry, they will grow up and have kids of their own, who will all be challenging, you can watch and smile. In the meantime book yourself an overnight stay somewhere nice, fill the freezer for them, bugger off on Saturday morning and come back Sunday evening. Get a responsible adult on standby just in case. Tell them you are having the break but don't tell them where, that will drive them nuts

You need some consequences!

And sounds like you need a break! Maybe a planned one is a better option?! : )

Mine are a bit younger, generally OK but occasionally horrible. Especially when they come back from their dad's

Solidarity from me too!

Would they listen to their older sister, if she were to have to chat with them about how they treat you?

Yep. I get it! Teenagers are so challenging. I have twins. The baby and toddler stage was a breeze compared to them being teenagers.
I also fantasise about walking out and checking into a hotel room and just relaxing.
I actually had surgery a few months ago and was in hospital over night. It was heaven, even though I had just been cut open!! Sad but true.
Whilst they are mostly awful at the moment I do get glimpses of love. I hold on to that and think in a few years things will be better.
Sending you love.

As the mum of two teenage girls I fully sympathise. I'm also a single mum.

😀
🏃🏾‍♀️
☕️

Oh, you poor thing! I hope you are recovering well and that they're looking after you.

Here's the thing; a part of me WANTS them to worry about me. To think 'fuck, we caused this' and have some kind of big awakening.

I'm not sure if that makes me human or a bit of a sicko

Teenagers are selfish assholes a lot of the time. They can be incredibly difficult to like. My love for them has pulled me through many times when I felt like just walking away. Ive adopted a “don’t sweat the small stuff” attitude and tried to cherish the times when I get a glimpse of the lovely, funny, kind people that they once were and that I hope they will grow back into. Difficult when you’re being told to fuck off or being ignored when making a totally reasonable request.

Their father is dead so I don’t really get any break from them which comes with pros and cons as it’s all on me but I don’t get anyone undermining me and the kids can’t play us off against each other.

it’s tough but hopefully you’ll all look back on this stage in 5 years time and laugh about how awful they were.

She's amazing. My right hand woman.
But no, they wouldn't listen. She has tried. And even if they did, things would go back to how they were after a day or two.
I'm sorry if that sounds negative. I'm usually a positive, upbeat sort. But I'm just being realistic.

Teenagers are narcissists - it's a developmental thing. Their frontal cortexes are not properly developed until they're in their early 20s.

I have a 20 year old daughter who is absolutely lovely, but between the ages of about 9 and 17, she was as you describe and there were times when I felt like walking out (the most I ever did was to walk around the block to cool down!).

Do your best to rise above it and pick your battles, knowing that they won't be like that forever

Thank you everyone. Knowing that there are people who understand makes me feel much better

I raised three on my own. First one was no trouble. Second one was a handful for a couple of years from 13. Thought that was hard! He was just settling down a bit and third one started. OMG! It was relentless!! I look back now and honestly don't know how I actually got through it. Everything she could rebel against she did. Constantly!

I did always know they loved me though, even when their behaviour was saying different.

Hang in there. She's now in her mid 20's with a beautiful baby girl and she's a great mum. She's also since apologised, many times. Lol! It will get better.

I wonder if boys are easier. My sister has 3, and seems to be breezing the teenage years (she is by no means a smug sort, but she genuinely finds this stage much easier than when they were little). They are such lovely, simple, uncomplicated big creatures

I had three boys and watching my grand daughters primary age I think sheesh I got off lightly.

I second a night away then buy the eldest a nice present for parenting them.

They really are

Agreed. Although DS15 would not hug me now . I’m hoping he follows DS23 who returned to hugs at about 18/19.

I think you should ask the older one to look after them at least overnight.

My daughter was a complete PITA as a teenager and my two boys were so easy ! Daughter is now a Mother and we are so close. Today we met up and we were joking that her daughter ( my lovely Granddaughter) will not deliver Karma 😂
Am sure if my Mum was alive she would show solidarity 🤦‍♀️

I think both can be difficult. I know of a couple of boys who went off the rails as teens but then calmed down. I think teenagers are often very selfish. They drink the last bit of milk, eat the last slice of bread, use all the towels, put the heating on high without a second thought. Luckily I'm past that stage but I remember it.

This reminds me of a thread someone made on here. The OP said her and her sister terrorised their mum to the point she walked out and was never seen again.

Crazy story in hindsight