Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking my BF is a bit of a wet blanket

105 replies

Porkpie44 · 03/02/2024 22:30

Maybe I’m being harsh but god does he like his sleep. 9.30pm on a Saturday night and I’m on my own again as he’s taken himself off to bed because today he was up at 7.30am and drove for 2.30hrs to see a friend, sat around drinking coffee and catching up for hours, 2.30hrs home and he’s knackered! I’ve seriously never known anyone be tired and sleep as much as him. Even on his days off when he’s sat around doing nothing he’ll be yawning his head off and falling asleep at 8pm.

AIBU for feeling like he needs to man up a bit?

OP posts:
Walking2024now33days · 03/02/2024 22:37

He can't help how he feels!

I don't suppose he wants to feel the way he does either.

how old is he?

would he go to the GP?

Aquamarine1029 · 03/02/2024 22:39

More context is needed. Does he work six days a week? Is he 85?

Songiii · 03/02/2024 22:40

how old is he? 20-30s he needs to man up. 40s and over…let him rest 😂

Original poster
Porkpie44 · 03/02/2024 22:42

@Aquamarine1029 he is 49 and works 5 in 3 off and it’s not a physical job either.

@Walking2024now33days he won’t go to a doctor as he is v overweight and knows that’s the issue but won’t do anything about it 😐

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 03/02/2024 22:44

Yes, it's his weight wearing him out. This is actually pretty serious, heart attack territory given his age.

Can you shock/scare him into seeing the doc?

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 03/02/2024 22:45

I've gone to bed and left DH downstairs. I was ready for bed before my 10 year olds bedtime 🤣. I was up at 8 and have had quite an active day but nothing especially taxing. I'm off to the gym in the morning so thought I'd grab an early night. I'm not very overweight, only 2lb over

NoCloudsAllowed · 03/02/2024 22:48

Five hours' driving would knacker me. Some people also just need more sleep.

I don't much like the man up/wet blanket terminology, it's that kind of talk that keeps men from sharing feelings and leads to depression etc.

If he's that overweight I'd wonder if it might be sleep apnoea, more likely with higher weight and can make you absolutely exhausted.

I can see why you'd be annoyed to have a boring Friday night but I would approach the problem a bit differently!

Original poster
Porkpie44 · 03/02/2024 22:49

@RobertaFirmino i don’t think he’s bothered about losing weight. I’m overweight myself and I’ve just recently started SW and go swimming, but he makes excuses not to do both.

OP posts:
Original poster
Porkpie44 · 03/02/2024 22:51

@NoCloudsAllowed i have never called him those names and nor would i. Just said it on here to rant as I’m a bit fed up. But I totally get you point.

OP posts:
WhisperGold · 03/02/2024 22:52

5 hours driving in a day sounds knackering to me. Maybe give him a break?

Dotchange · 03/02/2024 22:53

5 hours driving is exhausting.
You sound a bit mean, OP

ToxicOstrich · 03/02/2024 22:54

Very overweight at 49 I'd v dangerous so he should be doing something about this. I however am in my early 30s and regularly go to bed at 9. Some people aren't night owls.

floraflo · 03/02/2024 22:55

I'd find this off putting too OP. Yawning his head of at 8pm?? No thanks!

Takethatandparty30 · 03/02/2024 22:56

Urgh, if he's like this now, imagine what he'll be like in a few years. If it's annoying you now, get out. Otherwise you'll be facing a lifetime of evenings sat on your own, bored out of your mind.

KohlaParasaurus · 03/02/2024 22:58

Could he have obstructive sleep apnoea? That's quite common in people who are very overweight, and one of the features is daytime sleepiness.

I'd cut him plenty of slack after a day like today, though. Five hours in the car leaves me feeling tired even if I'm just a passenger.

Concestor · 03/02/2024 22:59

I couldn't be with someone who went to bed so early. We didn't eat till after 9 tonight! He needs to go to the doctor and get checked out.

theleafandnotthetree · 03/02/2024 23:13

WhisperGold · 03/02/2024 22:52

5 hours driving in a day sounds knackering to me. Maybe give him a break?

I drove more than that yesterday to go to a funeral then came home, cooked dinner and did my usual Friday evening big clean of the house. I then sat and watched TV til 12. And I am 49. K don't think I deserve a medal for heroism 🤣. He sounds a bit feeble all right OP, I would find that wholly unappealing.

PonyPatter44 · 03/02/2024 23:18

I can understand why you don't find him attractive - he sleeps all the time, won't look after himself and is "worn out" by a fairly low-effort activity. If he won't do anything to improve the situation, then yes he is a total drip and needs to sort his life out... otherwise he'll be relegated from unfit unmotivated loser to being a single unfit unmotivated loser.

BestZebbie · 04/02/2024 00:18

Not sure what is "unmanly" about sleeping!
But yes, that is abnormally early for a person in their 40s to need to go to bed if they aren't ill, but also actually, on this specific day driving for 5 hours isn't sitting doing nothing, that could easily wear someone out.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/02/2024 00:38

I would agree with the sleep apnoea suggestions. My sister has/had it due to a problem in her nasal bones, she was constantly tired/going to bed when she wasnt at work.

However.......

How is your sex life? Non existant I guessing? He is overweight and finds excuses to do nothing about it. He doesnt really care that he is leaving you on your own when you could spending time together even though he can spend 5 hours in day to see a mate.

He isnt a keeper is he? He is old before his time, selfish and thoughtless. You KNOW you can do better than this!

SleepPrettyDarling · 04/02/2024 00:44

As a snapshot of a bust Saturday, it’s hard to say. But I suspect that this is an ongoing thing, and he’s a bit lazy? on an ongoing basis?

WandaWonder · 04/02/2024 00:49

'Man up' that is a ridiculous expression, should you 'woman up'?

If you are not happy with him break up with him or find your own things to do but your attitude is appalling

Cherrysoup · 04/02/2024 01:33

So he should maybe lose weight? I've lost a fair bit recently and I have so much more energy. Also, he could ask for a B12 check, I'm due mine and I know it. Meanwhile, he could take tablets.

Gymnopedie · 04/02/2024 01:41

Porkpie44 · 03/02/2024 22:30

Maybe I’m being harsh but god does he like his sleep. 9.30pm on a Saturday night and I’m on my own again as he’s taken himself off to bed because today he was up at 7.30am and drove for 2.30hrs to see a friend, sat around drinking coffee and catching up for hours, 2.30hrs home and he’s knackered! I’ve seriously never known anyone be tired and sleep as much as him. Even on his days off when he’s sat around doing nothing he’ll be yawning his head off and falling asleep at 8pm.

AIBU for feeling like he needs to man up a bit?

So you haven't seen him all day. What's he like as a partner more generally? Do you feel like a priority to him (when he's not asleep) or do you feel he puts others/himself ahead of you? What do you get out of the relationship?

Passingthethyme · 04/02/2024 02:56

I'd dump him now unless you look spending alot of time alone, it won't improve it will get much worse