For thinking my BF is a bit of a wet blanket

[Porkpie44]

Maybe I’m being harsh but god does he like his sleep. 9.30pm on a Saturday night and I’m on my own again as he’s taken himself off to bed because today he was up at 7.30am and drove for 2.30hrs to see a friend, sat around drinking coffee and catching up for hours, 2.30hrs home and he’s knackered! I’ve seriously never known anyone be tired and sleep as much as him. Even on his days off when he’s sat around doing nothing he’ll be yawning his head off and falling asleep at 8pm.

AIBU for feeling like he needs to man up a bit?

People say 'man up' or 'woman up' all the time to women.
'Grow some balls' is also one that people say to women 😅

Diabetes.

The lack of sympathy on here for husbands or boyfriends is astounding. I appreciate you don't want to spend evenings on your own but, if that was my other half, I would be concerned about him, not coming on here complaining that he'd a wet blanket.

Can you imagine if an exhausted woman came on here saying that her husband complains because she's overweight and tired, and needs to go to bed early? We would be sympathising with the wife and saying what a selfish arsehole he is.

OP, do you want this relationship to continue? I ask because it won't change and neither will he.

If he won't do anything about it, I'd see that as a dead end really. How can you get the most out of life.

Why have I suddenly been reminded of the Four Yorkshiremen sketch?

Ffs are we not over using the phrase man up???? It’s a horrible phrase suggesting your partner is somehow not a proper man eughhh.

Id be concerned about his sleep in this situation but you don’t seem sympathetic

Is he on any medication like antidepressants that can have him yawning all day? It's so annoying when partners refuse to go doctors but I'd spell it out to him that you spend so much time alone when he might just need to take iron tablets or some simple fix.

If he's overweight could he have sleep apnea? Before I lost a lot of weight, I had this and it left me exhausted, I was put on Cpap therapy, and noticed the difference immediately, I then had weightloss surgery, and since losing weight, now no longer have sleep apnea.

He could have sleep Apnea.
Is he a fairly noisy sleeper?
It's extremely common in men and can be dangerous.
His neck will be blocking his airways throughout the night, so 'waking him' constantly
He should see a GP to make sure.

I think there may also be Pre Diabetic concerns too.

I'm wondering if you are starting to resent the fact you are both overweight but you are the only one working on losing weight.

When did you start losing weight? Is it possible that's brought all of this into focus?

If this is not the life you want it's best you get out now. It sounds like you want more in life than he can offer.

Oh just get rid of him. Boyfriend, not husband, you still can, fairly easily.😊

@BestZebbie

Not sure what is "unmanly" about sleeping!

That's what I thought

YABU to use terms like 'wet blanket' and 'man up'.

Depending on his age, how phsical his career is, how much exercise he does, etc, it might be worth heading to the GP and checking things like his thyroid (that can affect energy levels). I've also just seen that he's overweight - as PP have said, tjat could be affecting him. Wanting to change needs to come from him though, frustrating as that might be for you.

Get him to get a blood test. My DH who I thought was just being a lazy git turned out to be aenemic. Also I am always knackered after after hours of driving.

Does he snore? He might have sleep apnoea.

Sleep is important. If my partner got arsey about me needing a rest I'd tell them to bore off.

Well at 49 and very overweight it's hardly surprising his energy levels/stamina are sub par.
This is the age where all your lifestyle chickens come home to roost.

I'd just see him when he's got the energy for it or call it a day if you're not happy in the relationship.

For me the issue would be he doesn't want to address his problem, but I daresay his being overweight it's nothing new and if change is hard, then changing long held dietary habits is even harder, so that's pretty predictable too.

I think he should be tested for diabetes. The doctor might also be able to give him something to help him lose weight.

Diabetes? Thyroid condition? Sleep apnea? Heart condition?
I wouldn't be on here calling him a wet blanket....I would be more concerned he could drop dead at some point.
For what it's worth I'm a woman with one of the above mentioned conditions, 5 hours driving in one day would render me useless through exhaustion, not just feeling a bit tired but fully aching body, throbbing head and nausea type exhaustion.

my DH goes to bed early, and I just have lots of crafts to do in that time, I actually like it 🤣 he is late 30s, works a very demanding 6 day work week and gets up at 4am to cycle to work so he can get home early enough to see kids for a while and then do bedtime with me. but in your case OP it sounds like part of a wider problem and perhaps one that you're starting to resent.

Sleep apnoea definitely comes to mind, as others have mentioned.

Yabu to use the phrase ‘man up’. Seriously though, if he’s tired then let him sleep!
You said he’s overweight and always tired - does he snore a lot and gasp for air? Could well have sleep apnea- look up Michael Mosley’s current programme as he was working with someone that had it and she was always tired.

He needs to see a GP if that kind of day exhausts him at 49!

My DH is 56 and does a very physical job 5 days a week. He did a 5 hour drive recently, loaded up a van, came back and went to the gym and managed to stay awake in the evening.

Just because people say it all the time doesn’t make it ok. Perpetuates toxic masculinity.