To ask why you send your children to private school?

[WhatWorks]

Just that really. I think it would be interesting to see the spread and variety of reasons why people make certain educational choices.

For mine, it's about the values at our catchment state school. I am sure that most schools in most areas are quite inclusive. Unfortunately, children at our local school say things like "I don't play with (insert ethnic minority here) children" to non-white children. If they like an ethnic minority child, they tell them "you aren't (ethnic minority), you're white like us." Teachers do nothing about this sort of behavior, so we've gone elsewhere.

So, what are your reasons for sending your child/children to private school?

For me it was their pastoral care. Zero tolerance for bullying. It did happen occasionally but was immediately stamped out, my two said it was virtually non existent. Mine never suffered a day of bullying whereas my state senior school experience of bullying damaged me for years. I know it can be the reverse but I could only make choices based on my own personal horrible experiences.

The facilities and smaller classes

We sent dd2 and then ds to private school when dd2 was showing signs of dyslexia in year 1 and the senco teacher said to me "She can't be dyslexic she isn't clumpsy" she went to private school from March year 1 until end of year 2. Her little brother attended reception at the school. Older sister remained at the school she was happy on. We moved for their yearreception, 1,3 and 5 and they all went to the same state school after that (who managed dd2s dyslexia well. But missed dd3s dyslexia completely)

They attended 3 different secondary schools.

Of the schools the private ans the church secondary were outstanding in pastoral care and support to achieve. I have never felt the money we paid for the time in private was wasted. We had a girl who was struggling and hated school who left enjoying learning. I'd pay it again to have that result. The "outstanding" infant school was not able to do this.

Strong focus on sport, respect, resilience, behaviour and ethics.

No disruption, issues are dealt with, if they aren’t improved, families are asked to leave - everyone signs a contract agreeing to standards of behaviour.

Small class sizes and focus on independent learning, speech and drama and personal development and strong pastoral care.

Yep ok I'll say it. In DS's class he has to get evacuated twice a day because of one of the disruptive kids is beating up the teacher. Kid jumped on a chrome book last week intentionally to smash it. DS is in tears most days because he can't deal with the shouting and chaos from what is actually just a handful of kids in a 'nice' state primary school. The secondary school is far more diverse. So no I don't want him going there. I'd prefer him to learn in a calmer environment. DD may well go to the local secondary. She's far more able to cope with the distractions.

Mosstich - like kids don't swear at private school? Your post stinks of narrow minded snobbery

Both of my children were severely let down and picked on by teachers at the village infant school. I acknowledge that not all state schools are the same.

Notgoingtolie - I was thinking the same thing

Elevenseven - 'strong focus on sport, respect, resilience, behavior and ethics' - you could be describing my kids state school, although the definition of ethics may be different...

@Futb0l I've voted Labour my whole life and will continue to do so.

Both of mine went to state primary school but had very different experiences. The bright one was fine , the one with a learning difficulty was left to flounder. I tried and tried to get the school to give the support she needed but they tried everything to get out of it. I supported that school through the PTA for years - doing my bit to help raise extra funds but they failed my DD miserably.

My experience of state secondary school for my DD was horrific and I'm sorry but in my mind she is special. Too special to be bullied to the point of wanting to take her own life. I suppose I could have switched her to the alternative state option but that would have been a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire. All other local state schools are selective and she's not academic at all. So private it is. I'm just thankful we could afford it.

My son is at a state grammar. It's been ok. There was bullying at first but it was dealt with. There are still problems though. They are short of teachers in certain subjects. He's currently being "taught" one of his A level subjects by a student who is on a gap year having left the school after his own A levels last year. It's really not ideal but better than no teacher at all I suppose. We are paying for him to go on some intensive revision courses in London to make up for the lack of teaching at school. If I could reverse time he'd have been sent to the private school too.

The Tories have destroyed our state schools and it's heartbreaking.

Both my kids went to state infant and junior. Fantastic provision.

DD1 went to local catchment comp for a year where she and other girls were sexually harassed. Head of Year wouldn't take it seriously, her presentation / inaction impacted how leadership responded.

There was no bloody way i was leaving her there, took on extra work and senior role to pay for private but at that point it conflicted with my intentions to state educate.

DD1 was in private girjs school for year 8 on a scholarship, sometimes bursary too. 6th form went to top boys school with co-ed 6th form - double scholarship - no regrets at all with outcomes for her.

DD2 also at same private girls school, much less academic and SEN (spotted by private school not primary) but v supported by the school. Honestly think she'd have done better in smaller nurturing prep or primary school than the big junior school she was in - that is my regret with her education but we didn't have choices.

Stepping back though i believe in state education but not in the current curriculum and the significant under funding. I just didn't believe in it enough to sacrifice my child's well-being...

Just under 40% of children at independent schools identify as being from a UK ethnic minority background. In London this is more like 60%.

https://www.isc.co.uk/media/9316/isc_census_2023_final.pdf

@ElevenSeven

This is one of my dislikes about private schools

‘issues are dealt with, if they aren’t improved, families are asked to leave’

It highlights an unfair privilege of picking and choosing and washing their hands of children who don’t fit their expectations.
Private schools tend to have less tolerance than a state school. I personally believe state and independent schools should be supportive under any circumstance.
In state schools it is much harder to exclude or have a managed move, this is not to say that I agree with the sanctions in place in state schools. I am very much against internal isolation as I believe it is abused.
I am fully aware many will disagree with me and I understand their reasonings due to their experiences.

I don’t want to sound hypocritical as I do believe we have a major crisis in our education system in the UK now. Many aren’t tolerant of ‘poor behaviour,’ but EBD is a form of SEN.

I have only worked in one private school and as a special educational need is a protected characteristic most tread quite carefully but as poor behaviour can be categorised quite broadly there is less tolerance.

This is of course dependant on what the issues are, the support given by the school and also the time frame involved.

Both my kids' private schools are very tolerant of SEN and good with additional learning needs. It's bad behaviour and parents who don't give a damn that they won't support, but you're not likely to get much of that as by definition parents are invested in the education.

We have a child in state and one in private, for various reasons they had dramatically different experiences in the same state schools, different teachers, different friends, different personalities meant that one child thrived in state and they other had a pretty rubbish time. I’m sure that some kids struggle in private, but for us the small class size allow more teacher input, there’s great pastoral support and higher expectations which dc1 didn’t need but dc2 does.

Im a state school teacher and I wish provision was better, but the teacher shortage plus real terms funding cuts and reduced support from other services really are starting to bite and the kids who need a little extra support are feeling it most.

@newlaptop12 but this is my point, bad behaviour is not tolerated.
Do we know why their behaviour is poor? Poor behaviour tends to stem from something a little more serious. Something that a child may find difficult to interpret at a young age.
If a parent doesn’t care then isn’t that an indication that the child should be supported more? Do we blame the child for their parents actions?

Yes but in my experience it is looked into, the appropriate questions are asked, SEN issues are considered etc in the private sector.

A few reasons but #1 is mental health.

@newlaptop12 this is why I asked about time frames etc.
There are instances where parents and children are unwilling to divulge information, for example instances of abuse.
Just asking appropriate questions is not good enough.
This tends to be a lengthy process with adjustments made before an exclusion or politely being asked to leave happens.

Again, I have only worked in one private school. They were far more tolerant to SEN than behavioural difficulties.

We are not in grammar area but there is one within traveling distance - to get in from out of area you basically have to be in the top 10 scores of the entrance exam. My eldest got in, youngest didn’t (although she easily passed). DD2 did year 7 at a local state school, but I felt that DD1 was having a significantly better standard of education and experience that the local state could just not match - so we sent DD2 private - it felt more equal.

Number 1 reason was I wanted single sex school for my DD14 who has ASD and ADHD.

The sexual assault statistics in mixed secondary are outrageous.

The local secondary school is a shitshow for SEN and just the size and noise is too much for my DD who was in state primary and she would just meltdown after school.

She is thriving in the small class sizes and good pastoral care.

@Shannith I had a very similar experience to you: crap state school (my year group was the best they'd had in a while, and performed better than every subsequent year group, and we reached the giddying heights of 52% A*-C grades - mostly Cs). I went to a much better state sixth form, then Oxford, and have always vowed that my own children will attend a school where academic achievement is encouraged and valued, and where there's a wide range of both curricular and extra-curricular options.

Also - no one identities as a furry, and they’re aren’t being taught that there are 29 different genders.

The just concentrate on education.

@greglet snap. From A-Cs in my GCSEs to Oxbridge. The difference was the amazing school I did my A-levels at.

It was state but was run like a private school. It's still one of the best state schools in the country- and one of the best schools in the country when you include private (top 200).

It was a bit of a fluke I ended up there - it was an all boys school (apart from 6th form) and not particularly close.

@Shannith I wonder if we went to the same sixth form!