To ask why you send your children to private school?

[WhatWorks]

Just that really. I think it would be interesting to see the spread and variety of reasons why people make certain educational choices.

For mine, it's about the values at our catchment state school. I am sure that most schools in most areas are quite inclusive. Unfortunately, children at our local school say things like "I don't play with (insert ethnic minority here) children" to non-white children. If they like an ethnic minority child, they tell them "you aren't (ethnic minority), you're white like us." Teachers do nothing about this sort of behavior, so we've gone elsewhere.

So, what are your reasons for sending your child/children to private school?

Yep borderline for me with 2 kids doing secondary only private but I costed the move to great catchment in city and it would be around £200-250k more for a nearly equivalent house (4 bed detached). If you add interest to the higher mortgage over 10 years then it would definitely cost more than private school fees for us. Plus we don't really want to move. Around us that's quite common. People living in cheaper suburbia and sending kids into the private city schools.

Has anyone mentioned politics? For some people, using private schools is a matter of putting their money where their mouth is in relation to their political views.

Sorry @wallywotwot , agree with @Charlie2121 that I don’t see any of this in my dc current cohort. Instead we have:

• There is one teacher who moved to the school specifically so they could get a discount that would enable their dc to attend - it was their children’s educational needs driving their career choice, not the other way around
• we are there because of SEN
• another teacher who works in a local state primary and thinks the offering is so poor she chose to use a windfall to fund her dc in private
• two other families have joined recently because they were disappointed in state after a couple of years
• two other families have older siblings in the school so younger ones started in reception by default. Both seem to place high value on sports opportunities, and are maybe slightly more of the private school by default mindset
• two families with expat parents who felt the private school was better aligned with cultural expectations of education. I am also in this camp as a secondary factor

we are all there for different reasons, but the vast majority of us did not start private by default or for any sort of social reasons. Most of us have first hand experience with local schools and weren’t happy with the offering, several of us having tried state first before switching to private.

But people are talking about their specific experiences of why they chose private school and unfortunately much of it is because of a crap experience after attending state first.

Hmm. I’ve never met the people described in 3 and 4 (admittedly my children go to school in central London).

How do the social climbers piggy back onto others’ lifestyles? Do they make them take them on holiday?

This sort of thing reminds me of when people claim that going to independent school gives you “contacts”. Also news to me. The days of being able to quietly get your friend’s child an interesting internship are long gone.

I’m not sure on 3 and 4!
In the main the people I know are either just well off and that’s what they do send their kids to private school.

Or people in my boat who tried state schools first, we live in a outstanding state school catchment for both primary and secondary (and we also have a single Grammar), we do have a smaller house as house prices are high (because of the good schools) but we want to live in this area as it’s lovely!

The state schools as brilliant as they are didn’t suit my DC. The private prep and now seniors have been transformational.

My kids know they’re lucky and love their schools. We are not that rich that they don’t know the reality of the world.

Thanks for the direct message OP but I won't be signing the petition you sent me to stop the 20% increase if Labour get in. Did anyone else get one?

I wonder if this is the reason OP started the thread. Is sending unsolicited petitions in this way allowed on here?

@AngelsWithSilverWings I got an unsolicited PM too.

@WhatWorks this is a rude and inappropriate use of the PM function. There is a section of mumsnet for posting threads about petitions, which each user can choose for themselves whether to go to.

A petition on this topic is a silly idea anyway. It's not like Labour are under any illusions that there won't be a lot of people affected by the tax who are sad about it. A petition isn't going to add any information. If Labour are democratically elected with this being one of their headline policies then it would be wrong of them to change said policy on the basis of a few thousand signatures on a petition. The policy may be challenged in the law courts if its legal implications aren't fully thought through. I don't love the policy, but democracy and the rule of law are more important to me, so I wouldn't dream of signing it.

We paid private school fees for DT’s from ages 4-18 but I do think VAT should be charged. There is no reason for them to be exempt.

No reason other than it’s illegal in the EU and not done anywhere else in the world.

Are they all wrong and Labour are the only organisation globally to make the right call?

Maybe if you are so in favour of it and believe it should be levied then you could offer to pay a voluntary tax equivalent to the amount it would have cost you over the 14 years. Are you up for that or are you just in favour of tax rises provide someone else pays?

I also got an unsolicited PM asking me to sign a petition. And I agree it’s rude, and it puts me off the poster.

As it happens, I’m happy to pay more in tax to support state schools. I’m not convinced that VAT on fees is the most effective way to do so, but I agree with the principle of progressive taxation.

@Labraradabrador yes of course, but you know there are lots of different private schools and lots of ‘tribes’ within those schools. You and your children are very likely to hang out with people with similar backgrounds/reasons that you are there

I'm also fine with it. I worked out it would be an extra £200p/m on DDs fees. It won't mean huge sacrifices - just a cheaper than normal holiday and I'd probably think about downgrading the car.

I sit in the school pick up queue in my little A Class Mercedes which I know is a massive and unnecessary expensive luxury. Am parked behind giant SUV style Lamborghinis , Porsches. Mercedes and BMWs and also see plenty of high status sports cars too. I dread to think how much these things cost even to lease.

I've been in these peoples houses. They make my lovely 4 bed semi look like a hovel.

The kids talk about their amazing holidays. We go to 2 star hotels in Greece with Jet2 ( love this type of low key holiday ) or until last year camped in our tent every summer while DD's mates are flying first class to Dubai and The Maldives , or to their "little place in Spain"

These people can afford to pay more and I get irritated at all the moaning quite frankly!

I think the issue is thinking that all private school parents are the same.

If you are paying fees through inherited wealth or via GP then additional VAT may well be affordable and arguably reasonable as wealth taxes are low.

However if you are paying the fees using PAYE income you are already being taxed at punishing rates up to 62% on your income.

The question is not so much about affordability but about fairness.

When you have income tax rates that encourage higher earners to earn less then you know you have a problem.

There needs to be an overhaul of the tax system to better consider how wealth as well as income is treated.

I would love to send my DC to private school, my reasons being;

.smaller class sizes
.better resources, sports equipment, etc
.emphasis on work ethic and academic achievement rather than DC being picked on for being brainy
.a sense of pride in their school and belonging to a nice school community - I went to a crap comp and have always been ashamed of it, never felt proud of my school
.DC mixing with other children from similar families to ours - note how I’m not saying people exactly like us, I welcome diversity, but want my DC to mix with families who value education and have high standards
.opportunities available to my DC that I never had

Both DH and I went to shitty comprehensive schools in poor areas of the north. We couldn’t wait to leave. I have always wanted better for my children, and we are looking at every possible scenario to try and afford private school for our two.

100% for us.

Every state secondary we're in catchment for are very sub-par.

3 bed where we are - looking at right move today are around £625k.

Equivalent in the catchment for selective/decent state are £850k.

7 years of school fees are substantially cheaper. DD got a scholarship and bursary so brings it down by a decent % too.

Funny you think it's fine when it won't and didn't affect you

I agree with this. I went to a terrible state school but it wasn’t because of the teaching quality (pretty high) or the facilities or anything else. It was down to one thing only and that was some of the kids there (senior, all girls) were some of the worst people I’ve ever had the misfortune to cross paths with. Vile, spiteful, ignorant and a whole lot more. I can only think their parents were the same, as were theirs and so it goes on. (My kids went to private seniors up until 6th form then 6th form state college ).

I think it's important to remember the different tiers of private school. I know people who have a view they are all like Eton. I work in a sector where the majority of people send their children to state and I don't discuss we have sent our eldest to a private school as I know a lot of people have strong views on private schools. My other child will also attend private in secondary. We are lucky to have this option due to an inheritance gift. However with a VAT we might not be able to afford it. I know there is some disagreement about private schools being more diverse. My child's school is most definitely more diverse than our local secondaries. The emphasis on sport for my sporty child has been amazing. There is so much opportunity and the facilities are second to none. I have friends who are having a lot of trouble with their children due to the disruption in class. The behaviour is definitely better at my child's school although I know this won't be the case in every school. It's co-ed which is something I felt strongly about. Having not being that bothered about sending my child private, now he is there I would do anything to keep him there. He's so happy.

@Stickystickystick i think people don’t understand the levels of private school. A friend of mine in London said you have the private schools that some doctors and lawyers can afford then you have the private schools that the likes of Simon Cowell send their kids too!

My DS went to our local , OFSTED rating outstanding state primary school . DH and I were happy , DS settled in well and loved it.

PIL then decided within a month of DS starting reception he would go to private school. DH agreed. This was never discussed with me.

MIL yelling at me " she wants the best for ds"
Private school info being sent by them to DH and PIL arranged visits to said private schools .

DH sided with his parents, saying if ds stayed in state he would end up "being thick like me"

I refused to take ds out of his primary despite the yelling by DH and PIL.

The compromise being he would go to private secondary school.

He's now 11 and in private school . Thankfully he loves it .

PIL said they would pay fees . Small print being only for 18 months .

Sigh

Before you do, please look up how the Welsh education system is doing under Labour control. Standards are the lowest in the UK and falling faster.

Labour have also just cut funding to education further here but seem to have plenty to spend where it suits them.

Yes, and those are the ones that tend to be the crappiest academically, but have the most manicured grounds / regular ski trips etc… one immediately comes to mind!

@Herewegoagain84 the former or the latter?! 😂

Same for us. Son was in state until age 7 too, he had some needs but was otherwise quiet and well behaved so he was continuously ignored and just not helped. Moving him to private was never in our plan but has helped massively.

Interestingly, we decided to send our younger son to the same private school from the start and he is excelling

It was never our plan, state schools are really struggling with under funding