To ask why you send your children to private school?

[WhatWorks]

Just that really. I think it would be interesting to see the spread and variety of reasons why people make certain educational choices.

For mine, it's about the values at our catchment state school. I am sure that most schools in most areas are quite inclusive. Unfortunately, children at our local school say things like "I don't play with (insert ethnic minority here) children" to non-white children. If they like an ethnic minority child, they tell them "you aren't (ethnic minority), you're white like us." Teachers do nothing about this sort of behavior, so we've gone elsewhere.

So, what are your reasons for sending your child/children to private school?

I often wonder if, with the bullying, it's just a case of whether you're lucky or not with your cohort, and perhaps neither you (presumably in admissions at a private school), nor I, should assume all state/private schools are the same. The nature of our roles means we're seeing the worst of things.

Re the SEN needs not being met, again, you're seeing people coming to you from the state sector, and I'm seeing them coming to me from the private sector. Either way, yes, it's sad when a private school, or a state school, can't meet those needs, but hopefully they do find what they need once they move.

I often think so many of these threads are about trying to see if there is a single state school out there that matches one of the mid-range independents (so the £16-£21k annual fees not Eton or Harrow etc). There sadly isn’t, because these schools have the teachers, the facilities and the money to offer a premier educational experience.

Everyone’s reasons for sending their kids privately is individual to that child. I send both mine for completely different reasons.

We are near one of the best state grammars in the country and I have a friend who sends one child there and one to our independent. It’s not possible to compare she said, it’s chalk and cheese as ultimately the Grammar is still a state school. It does well as it’s academically selective. But you can’t compare it to the all singing all dancing independent that offers everything and then some.

I didn't think we would do private school. In the end we have. There are quite a lot of things I don't like about it. Definitely not more diverse than the state schools in my area. The focus on sport and fixtures I find a bit irritating. The uniform is too rigid.

But the academic standards are high because it is a very selective school. DC1 was OK in the earlier years of state primary but by year 3 had become intensely bored and was repeating the same things over and over, and starting to lose interest altogether. His writing has never been particularly good, but it was seen as sufficiently good at the school that the teacher never marked it or noted the (many) errors. The history and science teaching was also poor and despite being a curious child he showed no interest in either subject. He wasn't learning any languages or doing much music. All this has now changed.

From another thread I read a few days ago, a poster remarked that in her local area, there was no middle class to up the ante in state secondary schools. It's somewhat true here in the rural SW. There are doctors, vets and lawyers with children in state schools, but during my PGSE practise year, I saw that they were most of the kids in the grammar stream for years 10 and 11. The unstreamed classes were unruly.

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@Charlingspont Sorry. That was kind of my point, I just didn't make it very well. You have no control over your cohorts at all. Bullying can happen anywhere as can 'getting in with the wrong crowd' (this is my biggest fear!). And one school setting might be brilliant for one child, but simply unsuitable for another.

Love the posts claiming ethnic diversity was a major reason for sending their kids to a private school 🤣

Very able child and no other selective schools available where we live.

We moved in Yr 2 when that year’s teacher announced that he wasn’t going to teach her any new maths all year.

DS will be moving to a private school after the summer holidays and going into year two.

We always wanted to support a local rural school he currently goes to but it's no longer viable. We actually sent him there knowing it had a bad ofsted result but a new head had come in and the issues raised in the ofsted inspection were dealt with....it was then taken over by a trust and the head left. Currently one teacher for all year groups, 30 children in the school struggling to get supply teachers or applications for full time staff (DS is mainly taught by a TA with a supply a few times a week). His reading and maths is well below average and quite honestly I've got no idea what they're teaching him. We do everything we can to help at home but we're not teachers! Topped off with poor behavior by other students which is never dealt with, safeguarding issues, constantly changing wrap around care (impossible when we both work full time) and appalling provision for SEND pupils. All other schools in the area are run by the same trust and have poor reputations.

For us the private school he is going to will provide our DS with far better opportunities to actually learn, more diversity as it's also an international school, wider curriculum , better wrap around care and better pastoral care.

DS is an only child and we can just about afford it but his education is our top priority.

@AttillaThePlum My 17 yo goes to a (good) state school. He is on-track for 4 A*s at A-Level and literally the world is his oyster. Looking at both Oxford and Cambridge.
I don't accept that you need to be privately educated to succeed.
As an aside his dad and I separated (a very nasty divorce) when he was 6 and he has two homes but this has not got in the way either.

My DC went to state primary. Has ASD with high academic abilities, has significant issues with anxiety and sensory issues that make being in a crowded classroom difficult, as well as some processing difficulties with essay-type subjects where deduction and conjecture are needed. The state secondary we were offered simply wouldn't have had the time and resources to offer the additional SEN support needed as the needs are below the threshold for additional funding. The private grammar school we found offers a much more stable and supportive environment. We aren't massively wealthy (neither dh nor I are higher rate tax payers) but we are reasonably well paid middle-management professionals. We can afford the fees from our income by living a lifestyle which would match more with us each earning £10kpa each less than we do, which is manageable.

But sadly a factor! Where we live in the UK the most diversity we see is someone from another county! So actually by sending our DS to an international school will mean there is more diversity

Because they were both lucky enough to be awarded DfE funding to attend a vocational dance school. Both would have attended the local comp otherwise.

Because my DD was struggling at a very strict but well regarded (ofsted outstanding) state academy.

She lived in fear of accidentally breaking one of the hundreds of school rules and started having panic attacks regularly.

She became ill with a serious chronic condition that required lots of time off for hospital treatment and just generally made her feel rotten all of the time and that just didn't work with a state school's obsession with attendance at all costs.

She had no friends because she was considered an outsider for living out of catchment. The school was in a very deprived area with lots of social problems but we live a few miles away in an affluent area. She was teased for being the "rich" girl.

Her mental health was suffering terribly.

We knew about a private school that had a reputation for being a lovely calm and happy place so we transferred her there for the start of Y9 and she absolutely loves it. She's made loads of new friends and is really popular.

We'll be lucky if she gets a couple of low grade GCSEs due to a learning difficulty but at least her mental health is improving and the staff understand her health condition and make allowances

Much bigger range of subjects, activities, sport, music, drama. Proper behaviour policy which is enforced so teachers spend their time teaching not managing behaviour. Smaller class sizes so more attention for the kids. Prizing learning and teaching kids good habits for the future.

Because I went to the worlds crappest state school. And I mean bottom of league table stuff. I got through my gcses by being reasonably bright, not because I was well taught.

Got accepted at a selective (ex grammar) 6th form and the difference was astonishing. The calibre of the teaching, the desire for everyone to succeed in whatever way they were best at was eye opening.

Like night and day. For me it was academic achievement, self confidence and ambition. I was one of the lucky ones. I was one of 3 people from my state school year group of over 200 that went to university. That 6th from changed my life. It made me realise that lots of people I'd been to school with could have done just as well if we were not stuck in a terrible school.

I was the exception rather than the rule. I decided quite early on that if I was able I'd make damn sure my child didn't have to be lucky to get the opportunity to succeed.

What she does with her life is up to her. I just wanted to make sure she never missed out because the teachers were spending more time stopping kids beating each other up than they were inspiring and teaching.

Quite an extreme example, but it's how I experienced state school.

Our local state education from 9+ is not great. It’s currently in flux due to system changes and it’s real mess.
I love the ethos of my girls school. Pastoral care is excellent. Brilliant opportunities alongside a good academic offering. The sport available for my athletic youngest cannot be matched.
I feel it offers them all the tools to fulfil their potential. They’ve got to work for it but it’s there.
I feel very lucky we can afford to choose.

We moved back to the Uk from abroad- long term expats. Small town. Could not get our kids into the local secondary or primary. No guarantee we could get them into schools near each other as they would have had to go to schools much further away. One of my DC is ADHD/ autistic- so we sent them to the local private school.

@Sausage77 Honestly don’t dismiss it! We live rurally and the private school is more than 10x more ethnically diverse than the local state.
it’s a simple fact that many of the kids in the local state are from families who’ve been here for generations, whilst the doctors at the local hospital, lawyers who moved out of the city and now work from home etc send their kids to the private. It might not be so socially diverse, but it’s considerably more diverse in terms of race/religion etc

• Local state secondaries are terrible in terms of results, behaviour etc. Well below national average for results. 2,500 pupils etc. We don't live in an area with grammar schools so not an option.
• DC1 is neurodiverse. Smaller class sizes, smaller school size, more varied lessons etc. suit him better.
• More extracurriculars and nurturing of passions and skills
• Disappointment with support and nurturing a love of learning in state primary. I know why schools are in crisis and am very aware of what has led to this. But it wasn't working for us or our DC.

@Sausage77 what do you mean? We are Asian. At the outstanding State school my DC were the only Asians. Now in their Prep school there are children of all different ethnicities, some born here, some born abroad. Some here on a short term basis due to their parent’s work etc!

@LorlieS That’s excellent. But schools round here are particularly underfunded and we had to get her to secondary school.

Hard to say this without being a hit but she’s also able to the point of being weird and is really happy to be in a place where she’s not a freak

@Sausage77 my girls school is very ethnically diverse. Many children from all over the world. All faiths represented. At least half of the students in their classes are people of colour.
It’s not economically diverse but it is very ethnically diverse.
This is in a fairly ordinary Home Counties town. Nothing special.

We were open to private or state. I was educated in the state sector, my husband in private schools. My own state primary was lovely.

There were three state primaries where we lived. One we loved but were told 50% of the intake would be siblings for our daughter's year so we had little chance of getting in. One was big and quite rambunctious and we had a bit of a fear of our young for the year and small daughter getting overlooked but we would have been happy with it. The third had just got "needs improvement" in its inspection and while we were visiting the school we saw one of the TAs push a child quite aggressively. If she would do that while there were visiting parents standing a few feet away what would go on behind closed doors? My daughter got allocated a place at the third school. So we threw money at it and put her on the waiting list for the local prep and fortunately got a place. I'd rather not have spent the money but the environment at her allocated school was bloody awful. It shouldn't be like that. I feel sorry for the families that got stuck with it.

@Sausage77 my daughter's school is ethnically diverse - more so than would represent the local population by %. There are many languages spoken and lots of religions represented.