To stop swimming lessons as a consequence for poor behaviour at the pool?

[Swimmingtrauma]

I’m not sure if I’m over or under reacting.

DS is 3. After swimming he went into a cubicle and locked it from the inside so I couldn’t get in. He was then shaking the door so it made an awful racket (to the point the parents on either side had to shout to their children to be heard) laughing and screaming.

I have told him I’m not sure we can go back as apart from being poor behaviour it was potentially dangerous but I don’t know if that’s OTT.

He is 3. You tell him why he shouldn't do it and remind him the next time you're there.

Tidbit not scare him? Are there not coin opening locks? I think with a 3yo any consequences need to be immediate so cancelling future swimming lessons won't have much impact.

I know he is 3, thank you, that’s why I started my post with ‘DS is 3.’

So you feel to not go back would be an overreaction?

He's way too young to enforce a punishment like that. The majority of children lock themselves in somewhere up until the age of seven. Swimming is a life skill. Your expectations on a very young childcare too high.

He's 3 you tell him why it wasn't good behaviour and then you move on. Next time you take him to the pool remind him about your behaviour expectations. There's no need to remove him from swimming lessons completely because he's behaved poorly once.

So your 3 year old locked himself in a changing cubicle, and was trying to open the door to get out, and you think that's a reason not to take him swimming again?
My DS locked himself in the toilet in the pub, I was pregnant and had to climb over the door to get him out, it didn't stop us going to the pub.

Thanks. He has been told before not to do it but then he opened it again quite quickly: this time the screaming and door banging was another level. I appreciate I may have too high expectations although none of the other children have ever done it

What’s the point of your punishment? He needs to learn to swim, it’s an important skill. He probably is not even that bothered about not going swimming anymore. Tbh what he did, doesnt even sound that bad. I assume you told him off, so that’s enough “punishment”. Next time you go swimming tell him not to do it again.

I agree, unless his behaviour at the pool is generally poor, and he might be over tired at that time, or something similar - no, don't cancel lessons. There should have been an immediate consequence - half an hour later is too late for a 3 year old to learn from it, never mind next week

I'm not sure 3 yr olds understand 'consequences' like that! But YANBU to decide that he's too young to be getting much out of swimming lessons right now and that you don't want to put yourself through that kind of stress again. Why not try again in a couple of years?

I’d never enforce a punishment in relation to learning a life skill.

I think you tell him how wrong it was and draw a line under it. Just make sure he doesn't get the opportunity to do it again if possible

If he's doing all the time - and for the sake of entertainment rather than curiosity - I'd explain to him that we can't go to the pool again for now but you can try again in a few months. I don't think it should be a punishment but more of a consequence.

Thanks. It was pretty stressful so I’m conscious it’s easy to overreact in the moment.

Gosh Op I understand wanting to make a point but he is so little - if you think the lessons are making him overtired then rethink - but some bad behaviour is par for the course at this age!

This doesn't sound hugely naughty to me - in what way could you be under-reacting??? ?He is still a toddler really he is barely going to remember it in a week.

The swimming lessons aren't a treat so I would not link them to behaviour at all

• I massively regret not getting my kids swimming younger as they are older and one is still a v poor swimmer because I couldn't cope with the hassle of lessons after school etc.

I think you are going to struggle going forward if you react too strongly to 3 year old naughtiness - believe me my 11 year old does more annoying things than this!

My elder son used to hide in the lockers and shut the door. They're only little I don't think this is worth stopping lessons for. Just tell him off.

So he managed to lock himself in the toilet and made a bit of a racket in a panic to get out? And that’s your definition of poor behaviour? YABA!

I don't get the impression he was making a racket 'in a panic to get out'. The OP says he was laughing and shouting - sounds more like he thought it was funny.

I wouldn’t stop the lessons for that. Is it more that you’re worried about what other people think?
If I was a parent there I would just think he’s a small child and hey none of them are perfect. They all do silly/naughty things and he locked his mummy out of the cubicle.

What if he jumped in to a massive puddle on the way to school and got you both drenched? You wouldn’t just stop taking him to school anymore would you? Kids do some really silly things unfortunately 😂.

The more he goes, the more he will learn how you’re supposed to behave in that environment. If you run away from it then you won’t be able to teach him.

No Cecily he did it on purpose, if it had been an accident I wouldn’t have been annoyed. He was laughing.

No I wouldn't stop because of that given that he's 3. But yes he needs to know it was wrong.

YABU, he needs to learn to swim!

Definitely don’t ignore the behaviour but I’d be thinking of the reasons behind it and actively trying to stop it. For example, is he overtired, hungry, overstimulated? Does he do other stuff on swimming day? Could you change the time of the lesson? Does he behave like this in other situations? Try to work out what’s happening.

In terms of preventative measures, could you get him changed by the showers, or even just take his costume off and stick a dressing gown/ onesie on (if you drive). At worst hold his hand very tightly from the minute you get him out of the pool until you get into the changing room so he doesn’t have a chance to run in before you.

Sounds a bit like it might just be because you’re embarrassed about him in front of the other parents, if that’s the main motivation then you’re definitely being U. They’ve seen worse.

The lesson here is not to let him roam into cubicles on his own, rather than not swimming. You can also spend time teaching how to open them from the inside; DS always did the lock when we went to the toilet, so even from age 4 I was comfortable he could lock himself in for a wee if we were somewhere clean and safe like the pool or small cafe. It's all skills that will be needed at some point.

I would have a chat with him about how he needs to listen better in public. Punishment has to be immediate at that age; if necessary confiscate an imaginary ice cream treat that he's now forfeited. Then hugs better and move on.

I do appreciate I probably overreacted even if only in my mind.

Equally though I don’t want to ‘under’ react with a sort of he’s only three. It was deliberate and it could have been dangerous - if he’d slipped or hurt himself in the cubicle which is totally possible I would have had no way to get to him.

@BricksTricks i know, he twisted away from me and shot into it.