21 year old daughter pregnant - help please

[MacciesApplePie]

I’m fairly new to this so thought I would post where there’s most traffic.
As the title said my 21 year old daughter has told me tonight that she’s pregnant. She has talked it over with her boyfriend and they would like to keep it. I said I will support her whatever
She has just started a zero hours contract as a waitress and he is self employed as a gardener.
Her dad and I don’t have huge amounts of money but we do have a flat that was left to us by his mum (shared with his brother) that is currently rented it
Could anyone please advise me where to look for any benefits they can claim, and advise if they could potentially live in the flat (we can’t afford for them to live there rent free so maybe benefits). This is a big shock to me but I want to help them all I can. Thank you :)

As adults, I presume they are capable of researching benefits and other practical matters themselves?

Please don't stop supporting your son at a crucial time in his education, just because his sister got pregnant. You've clearly committed to helping him through uni so I hope that doesn't stop.

Well maybe employers should pay better wages then.

What is your brother thinks: No way would I let my niece and her boyfriend rent via the DWP a flat I shared with my brother because if I ever needed to sell that flat, I would not want the can of worms that comes with having to involve causing problems down the line.
Her choices now shouldn’t impact on my future.

It could get messy in the family.

Wishing you and your daughter all the best. It’s good that you have a caring and close knit family that supports each other. Regardless of what the future brings I’m sure the baby will be surrounded by a family that loves them. I personally wouldn’t hesitate to help one of my children in similar circumstances.

I had my first child at 21 and was in similar situation. It spurred me on to gain a degree and entry to a profession where I've been successful. I earn a high salary and my child is an adult while I'm 50. My first born is prolific in their field and has started and runs their own organisation with 10 staff. Judgemental opinions don't help people who need support and encouragement and not shaming a parent whose dd is expecting. She's 21 not 14 ffs!!!

What are their living arrangements currently?
They need to sort out that first. Assuming they both have a roof over their heads - whether together or apart - then they won't be a priority for overstretched social housing unless they're made homeless by their landlords (or their parents).
Often in similar situations, the new parent(s) and baby live with baby's grandparents for a while. It's not ideal but needs must.

If there's a sitting tenant in the flat you own they cannot just be turfed out; you'd have to take them to court to evict them or wait for them to move on.

In terms of finances, your daughter needs to find out what maternity pay she'll be entitled to. She'll likely only get statutory mat pay so will probably have to go back to work fairly quickly after the baby is born but the weekend/evening nature of that work will allow her partner to care for the baby without forking out for childcare.

If they want to keep the baby then it's totally workable - especially as they appear to have supportive families - but they need to be realistic about how they'll make it work in the short and longer term; gone are the days when the state provides a real safety net in these situations. We're not just talking finances here, but far-from-ideal living conditions and a crap work/life balance. It may be they have to put up with a 1-bed flat for several years or tag-team childcare, or live extremely frugally while many of their friends will be enjoying having few commitments. All of which puts a strain on a relationship.

Good luck to them. I'm sure it will work out but the best thing you can do right now is support them while ensuring they go into this with their eyes open.

Your daughter wont even be eligible for maternity pay in whatever job she gets now.
Shes only 21- how long has she been with her boyfriend? Is their relationship stable? People change as they grow therefore what if they split?
In terms of employment does she have a degree? What skills and experince does she have in order to help her find a job quickly?
Waitressing during pregnancy will be hard, I dont even think she will be able to work full term and did she even think about what an employer would think about hiring a pregnant employee? Especially a young one?
I get that you want to be honest but be realistic- having a baby that young with little grounding is not all roses. Shes going to be in one hell of a ride.
You need to be in the mindset that your grandchild deserves what's best- at this time your daughter wont be able to give this unfortunately even with state help

To get SMP you need to be employed in the same job before you got pregnant

I don't think they can get housing benefit to live in the flat owned by you/her bf's family. It is not designed for that, only really for help with a rented flat from a stranger. She could look at UC, hey may well be entitled to that but not specifically in relation to the pregnancy. Presumably she will be able to have mat leave from the waitressing job? It might also get pretty tiring in late pregnancy to be working as a waitress.
I wish them luck. It will be challenging but it sounds like you are being as supportive as possible which is great.

I’m 22, married and pregnant with our first baby. I accept this is unusual by today’s standards. Planned pregnancy and we are very excited. Both work full time and earn decently and have a house. Anyone under 27/28 ish is young to be a parent in my view, but there is no arguing with biology that 20-29 is an ideal time in that sense.

I cannot believe some of the comments on here! You can have a mature 20 year old who gives a shit about making the best for their child, and a hopeless 38 year old who thinks they know better because of their age.

MN is also biased towards older parents and I find there isn’t many younger parents hanging around on here. That’s just an observation but may explain why some of these posts are so critical. If some posters think having kids will ruin the OPs daughter’s life, I hope your own kids never find out that’s your belief!

Surely you can see your situation is very different from the OPs DD @Mummytooobe as you earn and own a house.

Yes a little, but so long as they’re earning now, they can save. Babies are born into all sorts of situations and their situation can improve if they put the effort in.

I think you can get housing benefit if renting from family but you have to have a proper rental agreement with market rent, so for example if you default on rent your family must take the same legal action they would as if you are a non-related tenant

Your situation is highly unusual.
What work do you do that enabled you to buy a house at the age of 21/22?

Where is the boyfriend in all this?

I assume he has a job?

They are both adults and he should be the one making plans to support his child....

Good on you for being supportive but they also need to take responsibility for their own lives.

Yes being married at 21/22 is highly unusual too…

I don’t have to say that, do I? Why is it insurmountable that I live in a cheaper part of the country and went to uni at 18? My DH is two years older, so same for him.

I'm so sorry to hear this, you must be devastated. I agree with what others say - they need to be the primary people who sort things out and you offer targeted help. Perhaps that might help them come to a more sensible conclusion about continuing with the pregnancy......

It’s not unique to buy your first property around in your early 20s where I am. If you worked since 16 you have possibly years of savings.

Oh yes, seen many like that. You have your child, and your child's child, and your child's child's child for life, apparently.

What sort of job can many 16yos have that would give them money to save to buy a house?

Have you had any financial help @Mummytooobe Will having a baby early in your career impact your earning potential? If you want to uni you must only be in your first year of FT employment

Why would you be devastated that an adult woman is pregnant?

So you went to uni at 18 (like thousands of 18 year olds), graduated at 21 and then work in this "field" which allowed you to buy within the same year of you graduating?
I'm speechless, most graduates arent this lucky

You need to be in the mindset that your grandchild deserves what's best- at this time your daughter wont be able to give this unfortunately even with state help

So what's your suggestion? Forced termination? Workhouses? Forced adoption for the poor?

Or actually supporting the young pregnant woman?