Really Annoyed This Morning ...

[MrsToriCostner]

Sorry guys, I just really need a rant!

SAHM here, two kids, almost 7, almost 2.

Got up this morning, came down, kitchen a mess from me cooking last night.

Presumed DH would have sorted it or at least filled the dishwasher and turned it on last night.

I do DHs packed lunch for work and shout up and ask him to bring any glasses/pots from upstairs meanwhile I've told DC1 to get dressed for school numerous times but they are not listening and still in pjs watching tv.

I go upstairs to get ready for the school run and find glasses/pots in DC1 bedroom, DH has taken the flat sheet off our bed and dumped it on the floor and left it there because DC2 leaked in the night apparently. His socks are dumped on the floor too, it's the same every morning, I find myself putting them in the wash basket myself.

DC1 is still not dressed and apparently can't find any socks despite multiple pairs been in the wardrobe.

So I'm shouting loud by now as we are going to be late and I'm taking 2 kids on the school run.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I just feel I could fall out with the world today 🙁

Maybe l'm old fashioned but l don't get this OP. As you are a SAHM why don't you do the tidying etc when you get back from the school run? (apart from making his lunch) That's what l did when my kids were young and when l was a SAHM for a while. l saw that as my job. Different when you're both working obviously.

I don't think you can realistically compare the very different lifestyles of "bachelor" and "married man with children".

I know that when I met DH, he regularly left all his laundry and housework until Saturday mornings and just did the absolute bare minimum during the week. No, he didn't leave dirty laundry all over the floor but it was normal for the laundry basket to be overflowing on Saturday morning and he'd then do 3-4 loads in a day.

He was living alone so it didn't matter. But when we moved in together, he didn't need telling - he just realised he couldn't carry on doing whatever he wanted anymore and he changed his ways.

Small steps but we've started as we mean to go on.

The tv doesn't get switched on until we've done reading. We never do reading after school on a Friday but today we have.

Now he's allowed to watch Bluey for a little while.

Well I'm wondering about men who leave dirty clothes on the floor, not men like your DH who don't and never did.

I don't see anything particular to the "bachelor lifestyle" (is that still a thing? They're just single men, right?) that says they can't use a wash basket. Teenagers maybe, but not grown men.

I mean, @Scarydinosaurs has summed it up nicely. It's definitely something to aim for.

I would also add that pots, cups, plates etc shouldn't go upstairs, especially if no one bothers to bring them down again. It sounds as if this was an exception because DC was unwell so that's fair enough, but as a rule don't allow it.

Mornings can be really painful when organising young children but it's possible to streamline things. Brace yourself for a negative reaction to the new 'regime' but stand firm. No TV in the mornings is a big adjustment if they're used to having it (been there myself) but eventually they will adjust. Stay calm and explain why it has to be that way.

Good luck!

I'm sure plenty of men (and women) lived very differently before they got into relationships, yes.

When you live alone, you can leave your pants and socks on the floor and empty mugs by your bed - simply because it doesn't impact anyone else. At the end of the day, not everyone cares about having clean floors or keeping on top of the laundry or the dishes.

I suspect there are lots of people out there who only do the housework they do because they have a partner and they don't want to cause a row.

Well her youngest child is under two. So I’m assuming that her work isn’t “just housework “. I’m assuming it’s full time care for a toddler and part time care for7 year old .

And then FT care for these children for two days a week and 13 weeks a year.

Try hiring someone to do that and then arguing that it isn’t really work.

Just load the dishwasher, wash the sheets and chalk it up to experience. Do you really want to go back to work where people are telling you what to do all day? Crap to that! Delight in being a stay at home mum, it's much more fun. As to housework, what you can't do in twenty minutes is not worth the bother. Love and support.

And what rules are you putting in place for the kids? 😉

I have a strict ‘not in the basket not getting washed’ I assume if it’s been left out it’s to wear again (even if it is worn socks or quite clearly dirty). Once he runs out of clean socks he’ll get the message.

Yeahhh no advice OP, but a gentle nod in understanding. My DC’s & DH are the same. Kids are kids but you expect a fully grown man to have something about him… I just remind him (shouldn’t have to) but he does it once reminded… and it’s one less thing for me to do.

I hate this ‘looking after your child is harder than any job’ that always gets put said on Mumsnet. I worked part time when mine were younger and my days with my children were a privilege. Yes they were hard but I was in charge of my day, could focus entirely on my child and had time to keep my house looking decent. Work is work, it can be interesting but it has never given me the joy I had with my own children.

Sorry @Y0URSELF, I don't agree.
When I was a SAHM I did do the housework too. When DS was too little for preschool, I would, for instance, put him a load of toys on the landing (with the stairgate closed) while I cleaned the bathroom (with the door open so I was watching him/ talking to him etc. and obviously ensuring he wasn't anywhere near cleaning products).
I don't believe that any SAHP is constantly engaging/ interacting solely with their child the entire time their OH is at work.

‘and enjoy putting a lunch (or tea, depending on his shift) box together for my DH. I put little treats in and healthy snacks too’

It sounds like you’re talking about a five-year-old

I also don't think sah is the hardest job. But it is often boring and relentless. And a sahp shouldn't be on duty 24/7. It's still reasonable to expect a wohp to share in domestic tasks and child care , when they are home.

Ha, I was going to say the same.

If DH decided to make me a "nice lunchbox with treats and healthy snacks" I'd think he needed to see a doctor, lol.

I am guessing it is easier for you to deal with the TV issue rather than the husband problem.

1. I work from home but less hours than DH-I cook, he and the kids clear the table, load the dishwasher, wipe down the table and sides and empty the bins.
2. I will do washing that has made it to the washing bin; you chuck it on the floor then it stays there until you either put it in the wash bin or bring it downstairs
3. I have 3 children and 1 DH-he is not my child so he has to be part of the team that is involved with doing stuff within the house when he’s home .

Your DH is going to work presumably bringing in the money for everything unless you have a trust fund. Tbh I would be expecting you to do the washing and pots in the dishwasher.

I only learnt this from Chloe on Teen Mum UK! When she always complained Jordan never washed the pots I did think she meant he washed the plates and cutlery and glasses but left the pans. Which would be shit, if not quite as shit as never washing up at all.

I still didn't realise it could mean glasses. Even with knowing it can mean general washing up I still thought it meant plates and stuff, not that just drinking vessels would also be called pots. So I think the confusion is not entirely unjustified.

I don't think the tv situation is anything that needs to be "tackled", like with hiding remotes or other suggestions that have been made. All you need to do is to tell your 6 year old that because they have been distracted with the tv in the mornings and not getting dressed when they should have been, then there is a new rule and there's no tv in the morning before going to school. The end.

To be honest, I can't believe you ever had enough time for tv in the mornings before school anyway! What time does your kid get up and what time do you need to leave the house for school?

@MalcolmsMiddle
🤣🤣🤣🤣

Staggered by some of the responses on here suggesting that the OP should cook and clear up every night. Being a SAHP is utterly exhausting and going to work is a breeze in comparison. I’ve done both. When I was the WOHP and DH was the SAHP I would pretty much always get up 10 mins early to make sure kitchen was clear - then waltz out the door while he did battle with the rest of the day. It’s just to do with taking care of each other and understanding that both roles require dedication and commitment.

My youngest child is 2. I have 2 weekdays I don't go to work so on the days I do the stay at home role.

There are days I get literally nothing done, which is expected when looking after a toddler. But most of the time I manage a wash or two, put some clothes away, nip to the shop for bits we need, get dinner prepped, run the vac round, walk the dog etc. And sometimes I manage to do those things and go to a playgroup or see family.

I do it by including DD in things. She likes to "help" me chop veg or stir sauce and put things in the washing machine. She likes to move things out of the way while I pretend to vacuum them up. She LOVES the run round the park with the dog. I'm also quite lucky that she's pretty chilled so after we've run the legs off her and the dog, she's happy to sit with a drink and a biscuits and watch a bit of telly (I'll await the judgement) while I empty a load of washing or fold some up.

It is possible. Not 100% of the time, but it is possible.

Well @CurlewKate I wasn't being snidey as you put it

To me, pots are pots. Not dishes, not glasses, not cups

So this thread has taught me that some people refer to all of the above as pots

No big deal, but you surely must be able to imagine that some posters use different language

I was picturing the DC with either. Pots with wooden spoons as a drum kit. Or potties. If the loo was downstairs. Sorry my mind didn't immediately jump to dishes.

I'll know better the next time