Found out man am dating was previously arrested

[wishingyouwell]

He told me he was arrested due to false allegation of violence from ex partner. Said was released without charge. No way of finding out other side of story.
Would you continue relationship and hope for best or pull out? Early in relationship.

Plus people that lie don't then jump to total truth, you've still only had the sanitised version still

Why would she tell him?

What are the chances that a man is falsely stitched up by an ex and the CPS?
what are the chances that a male who has a criminal and violent past to hide would lie to you?
In case I’m not being clear: get rid.

Well. Really it's up to you. But there are a lot of men in this world who are never arrested, and frankly on a risk basis, I'd say no thanks to this one. The fact you asked is a little odd, I may say.

I was falsely arrested for assault once, OP. It can and does happen. It was one of the most significant and terrifying moments of my life as I couldn't believe what was happening. It isn't something I'd tell just anyone though because of the amount of "no smoke without fire" people out there who wouldn't believe me.
I confided in a therapist what had happened in the hope of putting all the trauma of that time to bed and she made it bloody obvious that she didn't believe me either.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions based on my own past. Context is everything.

End it now.

I would not take the risk.

Abusers are very good at being charming to the outside world but behave differently behind close doors with their partner so don't rely on what colleagues are saying about him either.

Yes, some people make false allegations but you have to put your welfare first and not chance it.

No

of course he is telling you his side of the story before you hear the real story

manipulative abuser behaviour straight out of a handbook

please be sensible you would not have posted the question on here if you didn’t have that feeling something isn’t right - listen to that feeling

I would definitely end it.

Yes, there is a chance he could be telling the truth but quite frankly I wouldn't want to take that risk, personal safety is more important.

End it now while you can
do not risk your safety
This is classic abuser talk

Nope, wouldn't entertain it for a second.
Only person I've ever known who told me of an "arrest" a wrong arrest, false allegations, nastiness, he was the injured party, by people just making up vindictive lies who he had tried to help

Turned out that arrest wasn't how he told me at all.

We had been in danger being around him all along I'd never recommend giving the benefit of the doubt in these sorts of situations.

There's too much at stake.

Cost:benefit:risk

The chances are very very high it was an assault.

If it was the risk is assault and possibly death.

It is wasn't the risk is not having a relationship.

You'd have to be a fool.

He’s not worth the risk. It’s so unlikely that it was a false allegation. Think of how many women don’t report all the abuse they suffer and take years until they finally do. Lots more would probably have happened to get to this point. There are plenty of men out there, this one has too many red flags.

Why is your bar so low that you would consider continuing to date this man?

Have you been treated badly in the past (by partners, parents, others)? Do you have low self esteem?

I can think of no other reason why you'd consider ignoring the absolutely massive red flag.

Run and don’t look back. My ex told me exactly the same, said his ex accused him of being violent. He went on to abuse me (raped me, threw things at me and verbally abused me). After I got rid he met someone else and went on to abuse her child 😞, she knew he had been accused or rape and harassment (he was arrested) but she chose to ignore it.

Claire’s law was created to help women find this stuff out, please take advantage of it.

I had an ex who said he had been arrested for ‘self defense’ violence against a man…. Until he was re-arrested for breaking a restraining order from the ex he was arrested for violence towards 🙃

Hes given you a crumb incase anyone who knows him tells you he was violent to his ex, so he has already given you the narrative he will push.

Thank you - valid points. I have had poor relationships previously but I'd have hoped that would have improved my choices. I guess I'm still waking up.

Tbh it's likely to be something of a test of you; a part truth to see how you react. And that is a classic for an abusive man to do early on. He tests you to see how curious you are.

Do you want to..

A) trust his story at the risk of your own safety if it turns out he is lying to you

Or

B) run a mile and find someone who doesn't come with massive red flags and questions marks over his character.

I know which I would choose.

I'm sorry to read that - horrendous.

@bombastix Yeah that’s exactly what my relative’s ex did. Testing the waters. Everyone that knows him can’t believe he’s in prison for trying to kill her. He’s such a funny guy.

She didn’t run a Claire’s law because he admitted ‘slapping’ his ex once in an argument, but it was self defence apparently. He served 2 years for it so I’m guessing it was a bit more than a slap.

OP - Run, run, run.

The way I see it, if you trust him not to hurt you, tell him you're doing Clare's law and see his reaction. If he has nothing to hide he won't care about you hearing all the details.

^ excellent way to answer the op

Run

Here's your answer. You know instinctively that you're in danger from him, and you're trying to convince yourself that the (love bombing?) lovely guy is the real version of him/that he'll be different with you/that you're the one who will bring out his best self/fix him.
RUN!

Same. Run.