Society's attitude to sobriety

[ellie09]

I went alcohol free after New Year. Decided that alcohol was no longer for me.

I wasnt an alcoholic but I was on a slippery slope. I live alone with DS and would have spent evenings drinking secretly and many mornings feeling hungover, groggy etc. I also had horrible drunk experiences with alcohol.

It has been going really well. I found an AF red wine I really enjoy and have substituted having this a couple nights a week. My energy, mental health, everything has improved.

Its everybody else's attitude I am struggling with. For example:

1. Its somebodys leaving do at work on Friday and this person has begged and begged me to "please have a drink". I have consistently told them no as I am driving, but in the end had to make up some BS about being on antibiotics

1. Friends have planned a get together at a spa. I said I would be driving so can take us all up. Theyve also tried to poke and prod me into having a drink because "why not" and even arranged alternative lift with one of their DP so I can "have a drink and enjoy myself"

1. My own mother said it would spoil a prosecco tour that everybody wants to do on a group holiday in Budapest in April and that a couple would do me "no harm"

I havent told ANYBODY about the secret drinking (I was maybe having a bottle of wine 3-4 times a week) and they maybe thought it was just at the weekend. I do however, have a hard time stopping once I have had one, so I want to avoid being in that situation.

But why on earth is it anybodys business to try and persuade someone to change their mind?

This is the most difficult part for me in this journey. Everybody who isn't AF just cant fathom how somebody cant drink at events etc.

I wonder what category you would fit me into then? I was assaulted by a friend's husband when he was steaming drunk and his wife and other's present had a skinful. No-one 'remembered' the assault and said I must have knocked myself when they saw photos of the bruises. Life isn't simple .

But why should we have to sample every alcoholic drink under the sun just to make people like you happy? Apart from anything else it costs a fortune.
I'm quite happy with my lime and soda thanks.

But what has that got to do with OPs post? It’s blinking frustrating having other pass judgement and comment on your choices. Just stop.

I rarely drink anything and have never had anyone try to persuade me to either. I just don't like how I feel after alcohol, so it is a no brainer and there are so many good alternatives now, rather than the fizzy pop of old. In my circle of friends alcohol is not a big deal and maybe trying to get you to join in is a tribe mentally approach, or they'd rather there was no one that remembered what they got up to when they've been drinking!!!

I don't care. I'm old enough to know what I like to drink and don't.

I’m an occasional drinker and I’ve been in your position with people like you describe. I actually said to a couple of them who were persistent, who I was close to, “I really tried avoiding this conversation as it’s uncomfortable for me but I don’t drink as it badly affects me both physically and mentally. It doesn’t make me happy or relaxed as you say it does - quite the opposite in fact. Now I’ve had to say this which I really didn’t want to share as it’s embarrassing, can you please leave it there?”

But that was me. With colleagues who I’m not close to, I’d just say, “I’m x years of age and I think I can make my own mind up.” I have found the prickly approach works once and for all tbh, although I appreciate it’s not for everyone. I’m not usually prickly so I think it can shock a little.

It's like trying to persuade a lesbian that she just hasn't met the right man yet.
We're grown up enough to know our own minds.

I think you should just play it down. No need for mass declarations of sobriety. Who cares if people drink or don’t drink? I think it’s the big announcements and constant biffing on about being sober which may get some peoples backs up.

Just stand firm and ignore people who try and get you to drink.

This is my point. Why say anything?

Society doesn’t expect you to drink. Your friend wouldn’t have said anything if you hadn’t brought it up.

It’s just not a big deal. I think some people make it in to a bigger deal than it needs to be. Just don’t drink and don’t go on about it. Like most people don’t smoke and don’t announce it constantly.

Probably already mentioned, but a lot of persuaders are just trying to justify their own intake. A non drinker in a group can make others feel a bit "watched" and sometimes awkward if a lot of drinks are taken I think.

Anyway, my reason - (only with people I don't know - everyone else knows why so they don't push it at all) is " Can't - it interferes with my medication for the cardiac problem"

And that's true. It's accepted, and there is no longwinded explanation of why I'm not drinking. It is to keep me from having a fatal heart arrythmia alive!

I think the easiest explanation is "medical reasons", even if it's not fully true IYSWIM

I sometimes few that people who need a drink to have a good time are more boring than those who don't need to have a drink!

People can be far more interesting when they DON'T drink. You can have a decent conversation whilst still having a laugh at the same time.

Because it shines a light on their own drinking.

stay strong, your doing amazing

I haven’t drank alcohol for years as I just don’t like it so I don’t do it. I have had all of the kind of comments you describe especially at work events but people are more used to it now and leave me alone (although my MIL still can’t get her head around it). I just say ‘I don’t drink’ and don’t offer any explanation because why should I?

I agree with pp that non drinkers make some people uncomfortable as it makes them look at their own reliance on alcohol and inability to have fun without it.