Thinking this is an over-reaction to my thoughtless comment

[Clemcy]

Today at work I spent lunch with some colleagues who have children a similar age to my eldest, 16-18 sort of age. We were talking about uni/fees/tech/accomodation etc.
One colleagues wife passed away when their child was younger, he sold the house, moved away to somewhere much cheaper mortgage free etc. and put the rest of the money from the sale away for his daughter.
He was explaining he's not worried as he has enough to buy her a flat/house when she's in second year, pay her fees and keep some back for wedding/emergencies. He quite causally said "yeah there is about £800,000 waiting for her."
This is insane to me, my house is worth a quarter of that, while I appreciate the circumstances that have allowed them to accumulate that money are awful it is a large sum!!
I thoughtlessly said "oh wow lucky girl" and everyone sort of looked at me, I realised and apologised.
Since I've gotten home 3 separate people have messaged me to let me know said colleague is quite upset at my insensitive comment, and there is nothing lucky about your mum dying - I never said there was!!
I messaged him to apologise but he just replied with "no amount of money will bring her mum back, be careful what you say"

I'm now sat quite upset, I genuinely wasn't thinking, heard the amount and thought wow!
AIBU to think this is an overreaction to a thoughtless comment?

So what if she did need prompted? We don't all go around with colleagues bios stamped on our brains with red flags signposted.

Since the mother died years earlier I don’t think you said anything wrong.

You didn’t say she was lucky her mum died you said she’s lucky to have been so well provided for.

A lot of us lose our mothers and don’t get a huge amount of money years later. Therefore in that way she’s lucky.

I don’t see how they needed to take offence as it was obvious you meant the money.

I wish people wouldn’t look for the worst interpretation of what we say.

Yes, that's what I meant, I don't think she can do any more than she already has (I probably wasn't clear, sorry 😂).

Exactly this.

I think it was an overreaction. It is a very big sum. you were reacting to that.

Also an overreaction if the money was from downsizing or maybe a combination of things, rather than say a life insurance pay out. Ie I wouldn’t think overreaction if his wife were along the lines of DD just received £800k in a life assurance policy when her mum died.

Tbh I have read this again and in all honesty i think it's pretty thoughtless to be telling people you have saved up 800k for your kid when people are experiencing a cost of living crisis. So many children have sadly lost a parent and their surviving parent wouldn't be able to give their child any help like this let alone 800k.

Totally agree with this , it’s fine to boast of their wealth , but what you said was unacceptable?

You apologised , don’t think about it again. I was taught it’s bad manners to discuss money like that.

It’s a bit insensitive on both sides as he mentioned a figure when people are struggling, but it’s clear both sides weren’t really thinking before speaking. You have apologised and no lasting harm will be done
(I have been on the receiving end of ‘oh lucky’ comments and it stings, but no one ever means ‘oh lucky that your relative close died because now you have some money instead’)

gosh, leave OP alone. They are not satan. It was an honest response to a weird money-death conversation situation amongst colleagues (aka strangers). Who talks about being rich when your wife and mother of your child has just died?? To me that is LUCKY given a sad, unfortunate death of a parent. If my parents died and I was back at uni, I'd have nothing and no one. If anything, I think it's a bit gross he was talking about money so much to complete strangers.

Tbh I have read this again and in all honesty i think it's pretty thoughtless to be telling people you have saved up 800k for your kid when people are experiencing a cost of living crisis

Really? That's a bit of a stretch imo.

This !

This is over reacting. She is INCREDIBLY lucky. Yes it won’t bring her mum
back but she’s set for life - there are plenty of kids who lose a parent and aren’t set for life. It sounds like he plays the victim a lot.

This is coming from someone who is extremely lucky that my housing situation is secure because I lost close family. Every single day I count my blessing because I am very fortunate.

You said a throwaway comment, apologised. Hopefully he will feel a bit less sore in a few days .you meant no harm he is obv sensitive.

In spite, or actually because, of my username I am on your side here OP.

I lost my beloved baby sib, whom I helped to bring up, in a freak accident a little while back and inherited somewhat more than this (they were very successful in their profession). I think your colleague was crass to name a figure that is life changing for most of us. I’ve been careful to stay vague IRL.

After he did that, your comment may not have been the best but it was to be expected. If not for you, I’ll bet someone else would have said it. Everyone knows you were referring to the financial windfall and not the circs that created it. To pretend otherwise is disingenuous and drama seeking.

Grief is something of an excuse - I am starting to think it is permanent but that’s okay - however this incident sounds OTT.

I hope you can ease up on yourself.

They were all overreacting, and you don't have very nice colleagues. You already apologised, therefore you realised you'd been insensitive, and wouldn't have made the same comment again, so what were three colleagues trying to achieve out of messaging you about it?

Possibly nothing more than the weird enjoyment some people get out of jumping on the bandwagon and piling in on someone to make them feel bad. Like a lot of people on here.

It's probably best not to go round bragging that your dd has 800 grand in the bank if you don't want people to have a reaction. As others have said she is lucky to be set up like that, plenty of children have a parent die and really struggle with next to no money. She IS lucky to have so much money put aside for her.

Yes, I’d give it all back together with my right arm to have my sib back and I daresay OP’s colleague feels the same way about his wife.
But he still shouldn’t have been talking about having £800K for his DD if he didn’t want people to focus on the number.

I think he did want people to hear the number loud and clear. That’s how the whole mess began.

He shouldn't be bragging, you made a clumsy comment and apologised.

It's an overreaction.

You said it about the money. not the mother. He is making a meal of it. You apologised and he should have said ok don’t worry I know you don’t mean it in that way….

Honestly the way you're even asking if it's an overreaction makes it sound like your apology wasn't genuine either. You should be upset by your own mistake, but not how they reacted.

If you've not experienced the same thing you have no idea how it feels or what constitutes an overreaction and that's how to think of it.

No worries. 🙂

You've apologised. What more does he want you to do?
Don't say sorry again. He can either accept it or not. That is now an him problem

Complete overreaction. You didn’t say it spitefully.

They probably are overreacting a bit but not much - and you definitely are not justified in now feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t like it - this one is on you