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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner crying

137 replies

gratitudegirl · 30/01/2024 19:48

If you were sobbing in the sofa next to your partner and he just ignored you and continued to play on his Xbox without a simple 'are you okay' how would you feel? 😭😭

Yes he saw me crying. He just looked away. We've been together for 2 years. I've always supported him when he cried. I feel very lonely

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 30/01/2024 21:51

It sounds like you are trying too hard and he takes you for granted. Your desire to look after him though and do everything for him sounds a bit strange. Love should be a two way thing based on mutual care and respect. He sounds like he couldn't care less which would be a big turn off for me. You need to take care of yourself. Have you had a conversation with him about how you feel?

CustardySergeant · 30/01/2024 22:05

momtoboys · 30/01/2024 21:31

Sorry if I missed this, but how old are you?

She's 30.

Homebird8 · 30/01/2024 22:40

gratitudegirl · 30/01/2024 21:18

@GoodO it really does baffle me how people can just be so nasty. Does it make you feel good? Does it give you a little smile or a tingle?

There are nicer ways to say things. Perhaps on someone else's post, if they are really struggling, reframe and go about your day rather than intentionally trying to push them over the edge.

@gratitudegirl You can articulate your feelings when you perceive yourself to be mistreated. You need to say something like this to him and then show him the door to his new life. This is not love and you will know it when you find it.

And @GoodO I did see your apology to the OP but the words she used to you were so good for showing her how she can defend herself if she needs to. I hope you don't mind me quoting them.

WhatNoUsername · 30/01/2024 22:42

gratitudegirl · 30/01/2024 21:00

Thank you so so much for that reply. Honestly thank you! This is how I feel. Naturally I couldn't just sit there or even shush someone. I understand people asking if it's a regular occurrence but it's truly not. So me slightly crying began to get more and more upset because he genuinely doesn't care. I have however removed myself and gone to hide in the bathroom as some have mentioned it's attention seeking and that's genuinely not what I intended.

Thank you for your support and understanding. It really means a lot!

Show quote history

Ah bless you. I’m glad you found my post helpful. But sad to hear you are crying in the bathroom. You are not attention seeking ffs. People can be really horrible on here. He’s in the wrong here not you. Sorry you are struggling and big virtual hugs from me! 💐💐💐

StillWaitingOverHere · 30/01/2024 23:03

gratitudegirl · 30/01/2024 20:46

Can I please ask you what a normal relationship is like? Not in a rude way I promise I just genuinely want to know. I feel so dumb. I genuinely thought that the only way someone will love me is if I try and be 'perfect' and clearly it's not working. Today it just got too much

Show quote history

I remember a new partner offering to put air in my tyres. I was absolutely gobsmacked because my previous partner of 13 years would have laughed if I’d even asked him to. It’s the little things!
All those things you said you do because you want to make your partner happy - he should want to do those things for you too. A partnership is just that - mutual respect, love and care for each other. It’s not all about one person bending over all ways to make the other happy. A partner should care that you feel loved and safe and strive to do the best they can for you, as you do for them.
The studio is yours, and you absolutely 100% can tell him to leave - he’s an adult and can sort himself out. I wish you the best.

lauraloulou1 · 30/01/2024 23:27

You should bin this guy. You are young. Imagine what he will be like when you are older? It sounds grim you making his life so lovely and easy - cooking cleaning etc and he just vapes and video games. Is he a stoner? Are you? Sounds like you are a bit blue and that you need out of this relationship x

SmashedPrawnsInAMilkyBasket · 30/01/2024 23:28

I don't know why I've always believed being loved is all that matters.

OP, what matters first is that you love yourself. When you learn to do that, you will develop a sense of your own self worth. And then you’ll find it easier to pick a man who is worthy of your love, and will love you back, not for what you do for him, but for who you are.

Start by giving yourself the gift of freedom from this worthless, unworthy man, who takes everything from you and gives nothing back. Then work with a good therapist. Good luck. You deserve this.

CherrySocks · 30/01/2024 23:32

Where did he live before he moved into your studio? Presumably he paid his own rent then? He is living rent-free in your home and you are paying for everything. What will happen if you tell him to move out? If you just calmly tell him the relationship is over? Can you get a friend or relative to be there to support you? If he isn't likely to turn violent I personally think in your situation I would deliberately engineer an argument. Get angry with him. List everything you do for him, and tell him you are not doing it any more. Stop cooking for him and stop washing his clothes. He has been taking advantage of your kind nature.

OrlandointheWilderness · 31/01/2024 00:08

Ah I can fix this.

The reason you are crying is because you have a shit BF. No one who loved you would ignore your distress, and he sounds like a boring person who is taking the piss.

You can do better. Dump his arse and after the initial wrench you won't cry any more.

pictoosh · 31/01/2024 06:47

You can't earn love by being servile OP. Good luck. xx

RampantIvy · 31/01/2024 06:55

pictoosh · 31/01/2024 06:47

You can't earn love by being servile OP. Good luck. xx

No. You earn disrespect instead and get treated like a doormat, as is the case here.

OP, what matters first is that you love yourself. When you learn to do that, you will develop a sense of your own self worth.

@SmashedPrawnsInAMilkyBasket has it in one. Please take note @gratitudegirl

Panterus · 31/01/2024 08:39

gratitudegirl · 30/01/2024 21:21

@Panterus I just don't like being mean. That's why it really drives me mad when people are so nasty on this site! What if one day they comment on someone's post who is in a really bad way and that pushes them over the edge!? It's awful! Thank you for your kind words though. I'll try and be more headstrong and tell people to piss off 🙈

You're right, with everything you've said. I'm going to try and remain level headed and sort life out. I don't know why I've always believed being loved is all that matters. It's stupid and I really need to sort that out. Thank you for your kindness and your honesty! Xx

It comes with age @gratitudegirl

I used to be such a big softie when I was younger.

One thing I do know it that even though your current beau is not meeting your needs, there are lots of lovely, kind, big hearted people out there.

You just need some time to be you, to focus on yourself so that in future you can be sure a person likes you for who you are, not for the things you can do for them.

I know exactly where you are coming from wanting to look after and spoil a partner, but it's vital to remember that many men are conditioned by society into thinking a woman owes them this, rather than it being something you give freely because you want to. It can so easily attract the wrong men.

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