Partner crying

[gratitudegirl]

If you were sobbing in the sofa next to your partner and he just ignored you and continued to play on his Xbox without a simple 'are you okay' how would you feel? 😭😭

Yes he saw me crying. He just looked away. We've been together for 2 years. I've always supported him when he cried. I feel very lonely

I really feel for you as it sounds really hard situation. I'm wondering if you feel deep down that it's your role to take care of him and make everything okay for him? If sp by doing that you're effectively creating a situation where your partner only takes but never gives.

You can't buy love from someone. Either he cares or he doesn't. If he expects you to be the one caring for him all the time he might have become lazy and not feel up to the job of giving anything back to you.

Relationships are supposed to mutually enhance both parties. Yours sounds out of balance. It might be worth taking some time alone to reflect on your self-esteem and what you believe a healthy relationship looks like.

Because if you love someone surely you'd want to do everything you can to make sure they're okay and their clothes are clean, their dinners always ready, they have their morning coffee, they watch their favourite programmes, they play their games. I want my loved ones to be happy but I'm starting to feel so alone because I've never had anyone do anything like that for me 😭 he doesn't even say thank you or give me a hug or even look at me anymore 😭

What the reason for the crying. I'd expect dh to hug and check I'm ok. You ok. Are you safe

Sounds like a very toxic relationship. You don't need to fake or pretend to 'keep someone happy' that's not a relationship of equals.

"I constantly do everything I can to make his life easier and I just feel so alone. I have to fake that everything is fine all the time and tonight I just feel overwhelmed."

Why and why?
Why do you constantly do everything you can to make his life easier?
Why do you have to fake that everything is fine all the time?

Exhaustion. Which I know sounds like a silly answer. I'm just having to do a lot and take care of a lot of people. I'm tired and poorly, I just hoped he'd help me with the dishes or even just look at me but he doesn't. I have never felt so lonely in my entire life and I'm 30 and I'm with a man I genuinely don't think cares a tiny bit about it. I'm just so sad

No, this isn't loving someone, it's being in service to someone. It sounds like if this is what you're putting yourself through then you have a low opinion of yourself. You need to be single, work on your self confidence, improve how you perceive your self worth and then eventually work towards a relationship with someone else who sees you as an equal and treats you the way they are treated.

Errrr no, that is not love that is being someone’s servant

What do they do for you?

Unless you don’t work and they pay for everything and even then they should show quite a lot of gratitude

I’m a SATM currently and do most things but I still expect thanks and appreciation and DH to do relevant things to help me

A child - yes. A grown man? Nope.

Stop being a skivvy and have some self respect.

You aren't trapped. You say partner and studio. From that I'd infer it's rented, you're not married and there's just the two of you.
Why do you feel the need to act like everything is perfect? You need to be able to be yourself. I couldn't have a partner who sat gaming in the living room. I think it's rude when you're sat next to him.

Because if you love someone surely you'd want to do everything you can to make sure they're okay and their clothes are clean, their dinners always ready, they have their morning coffee, they watch their favourite programmes, they play their games. I want my loved ones to be happy but I'm starting to feel so alone because I've never had anyone do anything like that for me 😭 he doesn't even say thank you or give me a hug or even look at me anymore 😭

Oh give over and stop being such a doormat! Does he make sure your clothes are clean and all that other shite....

It's 2024, not 1906!

Because I have issues from my childhood where I got no love from my parents and I would try and be the perfect child so that they loved me. I've strived for the last 20 years to find someone who would actually love me and I've fallen into the same stupid cycle of trying to be perfect only to realise that I'll never be good enough. Nobody will ever truly care or love me 😭 here I am, alone, again 😭😭

So he had no clue why you were upset and didn’t even bother to ask you?

"Because if you love someone surely you'd want to do everything you can to make sure they're okay and their clothes are clean, their dinners always ready, they have their morning coffee, they watch their favourite programmes, they play their games."

That's not love as I recognise it. That's servitude.

Is he financially supporting you? If not I don't understand why you are acting like his housekeeper.

Exactly! However saying that makes me sound like an attention seeker so I don't know what to think right now. All I know is, for the first time I'm truly sad and can't hide it and he's not bothered to atleast check in

Why didn't you tell him you were upset instead of waiting for him to ask and then getting pissed off he didn't?

Sorry if this comes across as harsh but if you’ve made yourself feel ill and exhausted running around doing things to make his life better then you’re being a fool.

And all this ‘hoping’ he’ll ‘help’ with dishes is ridiculous.

Live your life for you and choose a partner who adds to it.

Because anytime I tried to speak to him he kept shushing me so I didn't interrupt his game

‘Because if you love someone surely you'd want to do everything you can to make sure they're okay and their clothes are clean, their dinners always ready, they have their morning coffee, they watch their favourite programmes, they play their games.’

Nope. Not at all.

You need therapy, have you ever asked your GP about it? Get this bloke dumped and don’t even consider dating anyone until you’ve done extensive self work on your standards, how functional relationships work, self respect, self esteem, self worth, co-dependency, and therapy work.

Oh love your replies just keep getting worse. You need therapy big time. And a great big helping of self esteem and self respect.

You need to work on your childhood trauma lovely.

It's only by doing that that you get to learn that needing a partner to validate you is a recipe for disaster. You only attract people who are equally wounded as you.

Counselling would help you to heal what's lacking wkthin you so that you don't settle for less than you deserve. It will also help you to recognize when you're attracted to people who will only reinforce your childhood.

Been there done that got the t-shirt. Healing is possible and your life and relationships will be so much richer for it.

I make sure my DH is ok, but he's a grown up. It's not my job to feed him, make coffee, or make sure there are clean clothes in the cupboard.

Don't hope for help, it's not help, it's his job too. Have you said, 'come on lazy arse, your turn, I cooked' ?

He probably doesn't notice or care about things like dust or cleaning the bathroom.

If you behave like a doormat, some people will wipe their feet all over you!

Right! You need to think about yourself somewhat!
Do something for you, take a day or week off work, book something just foe you, make yourself happy happy and consider your life choices
If your life makes you unhappy, make changes positively for you and your own happiness