Pick me girl

[LentilsMaybe]

AIBU to not get what this term is? DD told me a girl in her year is a pick me girl. To me it means someone trying hard to get attention. After seeing tome video on TikTok, I am more confused than ever? What does a pick me girl do and what is she like? Or is this conceptually beyond Millennials?

"The term pick-me girl is used to describe a woman who obviously and obsessively works to gain men's attention or acceptance. Typically, a pick-me girl talks about how she's not like other women, especially in ways considered typically feminine."

First time I've heard of it so had to Google, lol.

Is it not a girl that goes after all her friends boyfriends? I don't use TikTok so I am probably wrong 😂

My teenagers call certain girls this (not to their face!)

In “our day” it was called a “not-like-other-girls” girl. They just try to make themselves as appealing as possible to men. Often talk about feminism not being needed nowadays or going too far and disadvantaging men etc etc.

A girl who will go to any lengths to obtain male attention, usually at the expense of other girls (or women) and their own dignity. "Pick me, pick me, I'm so much cooler than those other girls! I won't care if you shart in your underwear or cheat on me because I'm a cool girlfriend!"

Think the kind of person who says things like "I'm not like other girls" and thinks that's a positive. They often spout anti-feminist and misogynistic rhetoric because they think it'll make men like them.

Also see Amy Dunn's "cool girl" monologue from Gone Girl, it's a good breakdown of the concept in adults. Definitely been around longer than the current teenage generation.

It's a girl who acts like stereotypes that apply to women don't apply to her. Usually pick mes put other girls down and adopt some habits or characteristics that they deem to be masculine while rejecting feminine ones, all to gain attention from boys. Or even becoming a bit misogynistic themselves.

Ex: "I don't wear makeup, I don't understand girls who spend hours everyday putting makeup on. I just get up and go"
"I don't want to go to Sara's sleepover. There is going to be so many girls there. So much drama. I get along with guys so much more."
"Oh she sounds so clingy and insecure, I'd NEVER stop my partner from sleeping over at his girl best friend's house"

I think the ‘type’ has been around for a while but pick me is just what younger people call it.

@Tuelanak 's definition is perfect.

My dd (11) used this once and I asked her what it meant. She used it in the context of the girl in her class being teachers pet/ always wanting the teachers attention to be picked for jobs or to answer questions. Would snitch on the other kids etc.

My DD is doing her teacher training/PGCE.
She was talking about this to us just the other day.
Her experience of them are that they are bit of the old style, "Choose me..Miss, Choose me!" but goes a stretch further, in that they tend to be a bit attention seeking, may tell some tall stories, may be insecure..seek out how to be popular, with, for instance, aforesaid stories, flaunting personal possessions...saying potentially inflammatory statements to get a rise, likes an audience.

It come from Meredith Greys really cringy 'pick me' speech in Greys Anatomy

This makes more sense as dd is in year 7 and I'm not sure there is a great focus on boys yet 🤔. Apparently the girl is pretending to like certain things like Taylor Swift but it's just to seem cool?

So in general it's a female who pretends to be down with the boys to get their attention. But not tomboys, i'd imagine?

Although... do 11 year olds in secondary still want to be the teacher's pet? I thought that was the worst possible thing for your social status.

Attention seeking, a bit fake, maybe humble bragging?

I think millennials used to call them ‘cool girls’, a term utilised in Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl.

I.e. “I drink beer, love watching sport, I don’t really get on with other women, I’m one of the boys…” (secretly, she thinks all the boys fancy her, she’s desperate for their attention, she loves undermining the female partners of these men and there’s a very good reason she has no female friends 😂)

This is a pretty nasty thread. Why is it ok for women to denigrate other women/girls for simply expressing their preferences? Why should their preferences be perceived as “fake” or hold any less value than others?

Thank you for this. I was just reading the thread and thinking the same. An 11-12 year old girl is being called names and judged due to her social media takes. If anything i feel sorry for her regardless of her opinions. She's only a kid, hopefully OP is teaching her DD that it's wrong to name call another girl/woman regardless of her views.

It’s from Greys Anatomy

Meredith tells Derek to “pick me, choose me, love me” over his wife (who cheated on his but has come back to try and reconcile)

In more simple terms, this sounds like a classic example of Y7 girls finding a way to be unkind to a classmate, and to gang up on her.

Strongly suggest you discourage it, OP.

It’s a girl or woman who lives to appease male kind. Used to be ‘cool girl’ or ‘not like other girls’. Back in the day they also had the delightful term for a gay man’s best female friend, also a ‘pick me’ type personality. Many of them are now the type to spew ‘be kind’ at any opportunity regardless of when it directly affects women/encourages misogyny (yes I do know the term ‘pick me’ is often seen as misogyny in itself but there’s never a positive way to describe women who wholly live for male approval).

@HeExhibitsNoRestraint no posters are calling anyone names, they are explaining what this reference means. FYI, my dd is not unkind to this girl and has told me in the privacy of our home that she thinks this girl is a pick me. Rather than staying clueless, id like to know what thus means as mu suspicion is dd doesn't really know what it means either but has picked this term up at school. Your post comes across as, shall we say, a little hostile, did you intend this? I mean calling out supposed unpleasantness by being rather unpleasant yourself?

@HeExhibitsNoRestraint @Pinkpom

I agree. Firstly because the original meaning has mutated to mean any woman/girl who doesn't agree with me, or who has interests that I don't, or gets on with the boy I like, so i feel threatened by.

But additionally, I think it's no wonder there is that girl vying for male attention if all the other girls are calling you a pick me. Normally there are other issues at play, so I find it quite sad, honestly.

Ds is 15 and I’ve heard him (and also girls in his year group) using this term. In fact I think the girls use it against each other a lot. Apparently some girl was in floods of tears at school the other day because lots of the other girls surrounded her calling her a “pick me”. Ds told me about it.
I made it crystal clear to ds that this is bullying, and I don’t want to hear him using that term.

There is no ganging up. I do appreciate the comments saying it's a put down, I wasn't sure. When I asked dd what it meant, it didn't seem she really knew either. If it labels certain behaviour it would be interesting to know why that behaviour is irritating? Or is it just a trendy label for anyone they don't like that much?

It’s actually usually the ‘pick me’ girl who isn’t being very nice. This isn’t about women who are genuinely like this eg like sports, don’t wear make up etc. it’s more about women who pretend to be like this to get one up on other women and make other women feel bad about themselves.

eg “pick me” women might say things like “I don’t feel the need to wear make up like other women, I just get up and go” and it’s said in a way to make a woman feel bad for choosing to wear make up.

It's a put down used frequently on here as an alternative to "cool girl /wife".