Pick me girl

[LentilsMaybe]

AIBU to not get what this term is? DD told me a girl in her year is a pick me girl. To me it means someone trying hard to get attention. After seeing tome video on TikTok, I am more confused than ever? What does a pick me girl do and what is she like? Or is this conceptually beyond Millennials?

That sounds awful! Sounds like it's a term from TikTok used to put a girl in her place or to bully. It must be a huge insult for this age group.

I'm guessing it really means 'try hard'.

I think of them as "cool girls". They often call themselves "men's women".

How is that example being unpleasant though? This shows the ridiculousness of a lot of the pick me stuff.

its more in the way it’s said. It is silly to put a name on it I agree. I know women like this though, they say things for men’s approval but it’s putting other women down deliberately.

i used to work with a woman like this and it was purely horrible stuff she’d say about women to the men in the office all to get the men’s approval.

Hope you’re having a good word with your DD about using that term and about her attitude towards others.

A put-down of which there is no male equivalent.

I'm sorry? What is wrong with her attitude?

I hated this scene so much. So off brand for Mer.

@Woahtherehoney Reading that again 'unlike other women' is within the realms of pick me, fair enough. That part is just unnecessary 😂

Some people take it to far though, and it does descend into bullying that is seen as justified.

@LentilsMaybe name calling, regardless of if it’s your own home, is still a form of bullying. And it’s worse when your DD is just mindlessly repeating things she’s heard others say when she doesn’t fully understand it. You should be making it clear to her using derogatory terms about anyone is unacceptable, regardless of if she feels the other girls behaviour is attention seeking.

My dd and friends use that term to describe attention seeking.
Nothing to do with boys

And/or boasting

Pick me is a description of behaviour rather than a slur. Some might receive it as a compliment. Lighten up.

Save your energy, the OP is determined to plead ignorance, despite it being spelled out clearly to her that this term is steeped in misogyny and used to pit women/girls against other women/girls. If my daughter ever used this term, I would 100% be explaining why it is problematic and unkind.

I was under the impression it was women who would throw other women under the bus for male attention. Looks like the term has broadened since I was ay school

Agreed.

Some of these teenagers sound unpleasant. You must be very proud parents.

@HeExhibitsNoRestraint I can see a nerve was hit. You don't come across as very kind yourself. Interesting how you are eager to silence young girls and police their language. You know nothing about other posters' dc yet think it's ok to slag them and poster's parenting off on this thread. Projecting?

How is it not useful for mums to know what this sort of stuff means?

Why didn't you ask your DD what it means?

A 'Pick Me' is a woman who constantly competes to be seen via the male gaze as 'better than other women'. Often found on social media making videos criticising women who wear make up or like a man to treat them, etc. 'Why should a man take a woman to a restaurant on a date, I'm perfectly happy with McD's or Netflix n Chill with a nice bottle of wine, I'll even do the cooking, some women are way too entitled', for example.

I knew a guy who said you could always tell the women who metaphorically have 'Victim' written on their forehead via the way they crave male attention especially online and the approval of a man, any man, and that certain men will seek out those women as they're an easy hit. But not for the long haul. Unpleasant thing to say but that's just how some young men think.

Pick Me's aren't just online

Anyway thats it, Pick me me me..

I have known a few women IRL that are pick me girl types. You come across them on here reasonably often, more so on certain boards. I find them unlikeable but deep down they always seem to be a bit vulnerable, lonely and desperate and unable to get on with people.
With kids, it’s probably girls just struggling to fit in somewhere, teen years can be tough.

It’s a girl who will happily throw other girls under the bus to show boys how cool and ‘not like other girls’ she is.

For example: “Oh my god I’m just SO not into make up, I prefer watching football and playing video games, I’m just one of the boys!”.

To be clear: a pick me is jot the same as a tomboy. It’s absolutely fine to like video games and not make up. But ‘pick me’ girls/women often claim to like things they don’t actually like and also like to point out how different they are from other, less eligible, girls. Often sneering at the other types of girl

She wasn't unkind to you, and yes we should police the language teenagers use, especially if (and I'm not saying this is the case) it's bullying and singling out another girl, who may have other difficulties that causes them to act out or seek validation.

Pick-me is pretty much the same as a cool girl.

These girls/women do and put up with anything to gain points and acceptance from men.
They are okey with porn, strip clubs etc, and does this while putting down on other women ”I’m not boring, prude, religious”.
Into hook-up culture.

They dress hyper-feminine, revealing clothes, lots of make-up.
Look down on and shame women who don’t.

They’re the one who shout how they love beer and can drink any man under the table and pizza is their favorite food.

Can be a gamer, NOT always, but many pick-me’s in that world.

And of course the: ”I just don’t get on with other women, that’s why I’m only friends with men”.

It’s not a nasty thread, it’s a discussion of a known concept that finds many women complicit in their own dehumanisation. The entire MO of a “pick me” is to denigrate typically “female” behaviours/hobbies/preferences/social and cultural experiences as a means to endear themselves to men.

It's a variation of the 'cool girl'.

The main characteristic of a 'pick me' is that they put down other women in the process. All for the validation of men.

I would disagree with the bit about the hyper-feminine revealing clothes, etc. My experience of the “pick me” has been that they’ll tend to play on how low maintenance they are, how they don’t need all that “make up stuff”, how they don’t get heels and dresses because they’re just sooooooooo naturally and effortlessly hot and beautiful that they can just wear a burlap sack and a back to front baseball cap that they’ve just playfully pinched off someone else’s boyfriends head.