Pick me girl

[LentilsMaybe]

AIBU to not get what this term is? DD told me a girl in her year is a pick me girl. To me it means someone trying hard to get attention. After seeing tome video on TikTok, I am more confused than ever? What does a pick me girl do and what is she like? Or is this conceptually beyond Millennials?

They’re called ‘cool girls’ by millennials.

I feel like a lot of women go through a cool girl phase in their 20s. Usually when they’re in a wholly inappropriate, unequal and emotionally dissatisfying relationship with a man they fancy the pants off but who they feel is ‘out of their league’.

Or was that just me?! 😂

Oh, okey.
The pick-me’s I’ve come across have had a lot of make-up and tight/low cut clothes.
And also the point of being a ’pick-me’ is male-gaze and getting men’s attention and performing in a way men want women to be, so the no-make-up and other stuff doesn’t make much sense.
To me at least.

Ohhh I always thought it was someone who plays stupid for (male) attention so I’ve been using it wrong. Maybe there isn’t a name for that

@Newchapterbeckons its not a behaviour descriptor though, it might have originated as one but as with most behaviour descriptors its descended into a slur used against girls that are perhaps struggling with their own self worth and regulating their behaviour, and are perhaps a bit limited in their understanding of the worlds perception of them. I’m not going to sit here and preach the be kind crap, I think if we were a bit better at pointing out to our children that the words they use about others have a real impact it would greatly reduce teenage self harm and suicide rates. Said as the mother of a teenager who is self harming due to bullying (though bullying over her appearance rather than over her behaviour).

I believe in sex, not gender. Gender is a social construct in which all females are presumed to have certain preferences/behaviours etc based solely on their sex. I do not believe that women are a homogeneous group. Therefore I cannot assume that any outliers from the homogeneous group are merely “fakes” motivated by male attention. I fear we are living in a Clown World; the idea that intelligent women are defending this term, a term that is essentially re-enforcing gender stereotypes, is really baffling to me. We should all ask ourselves why there is no male equivalent of a “pick me”?

I would hope that this was reported to the school. That child is being bullied by a group and would put money on the fact that they bully others too. Just telling your son not to use that word is not enough.

THIS!!

Lots of assumptions here, a woman doesn't like to wear make up and has more male friends, so she must be doing this as a covert way of garnering male attention and denigrating other women...... Ok
God forbid a woman plays sports because she likes to, or chooses friends agree has shared interests with

I’m not sure what a pick-me boy would be. This seems like yet another way of grouping females together in order to invalidate their ability to choose what they like for their own valid reasons.

We should all ask ourselves why there is no male equivalent of a “pick me”?

I think there sort of is. Men that creep around women trying to join in and offer advice on women’s issues, act like they’re the perfect man, ask for advice and pretend to take it on board but it all obviously fake.

They love being told what a great guy they are, not like the others. There’s a few of them on here, hanging around the relationship board, also on the sex board. Their mask slips after a while.

When you recognise them we call them creeps but lots of women fall for their ‘charm’ and pay them a lot of attention. Like a man coming on to ask for dating advice or coming on every December to ask for what to buy his wife for Xmas who is clearly fishing for compliments. 🤮🤮🤮

Surely the male equivalent would be simp?

I don’t agree that all pick me girls look a certain way and don’t wear makeup. That’s not my experience at all. I think they usually do try to be both attractive to men and act like them in terms of their thoughts, usually about dating and sex. They try to be easy going, which means putting up with bad treatment, telling men their shorty behaviour towards women is fine and all the other women are just nagging and expecting too much.

*shitty

Quite possibly. I’ve never heard that one.

I was called a “cool wife” on here because I don’t care that my husband is bisexual.

in school, i think that girl signals she's sexually available

Yes, exactly

in school, i think that girl signals she's sexually available

It signals a vulnerable girl who is struggling to fit in, is unhappy, has self esteem issues, lack of self worth and possibly issues at home. It’s very sad to see girls being taken advantage of, as unlikeable as they may seem on the surface.

This is my understanding as well

'Pick me, Choose me'

Yep, agree.

Pick me is a term used to describe some who's "not like other girls". Someone trying to seek attention and validation through others, asking them to 'pick her'.

The problem I find is firstly it tends to describe fairly standard behaviour of insecure teenage girls, and is used as a put down, and can be a form of bullying.

The second issue is the main descriptor of a 'pick me' is they play the not like other girls act -pretend to like gaming, beer, not wear make up etc. But girls using the term pick me are essentially saying "well I'm not like those girls". It's just changing who the hated type of girl is at that time. Someone using the term pick me is doing exactly the same thing they are hating on.

Personally I'd discourage my Dd from using the phrase.

Sad, I hope you tell your DD to try to see this girl as an individuals with her own struggles just like the rest of us. Just thinking about that poor girl in the London Jewish school who killed herself made me remember how even seemingly 'mild' bullying/namecalling can be crucifying at that age.

This is what it sounds like to me.
Sounds like it's broadened out from the 'cool girl'/'not like other girls' meaning to be a pretty all purpose misogynistic insult. I guess we are pick mes until we grow into Karens.

No, a simp is a man/boy who is nice to his gf.

A simp is a similarly misogynistic term used in situations such as men who prioritise their partners wishes, or who show "excessive" attention to their partner. Men who are too soppy with women. Sometimes it can be used in a situation where a man is showing excessive attention to a woman, but not in the same context as pick me

A simp is someone who is considered to be being 'submissive" to their girlfriend.

A pick me is an attention seeker or basically someone who's showing behaviour the general crowd has considered unacceptable