To not want to go to work tomorrow due to shitty email?

[shittyemail]

I don't know if I'm overreacting here.

On Friday evening I worked past my hours to deal with what was a potentially challenging / contentious issue that had arisen that day. It caused me a lot of stress but no one else from my team was around to bounce anything off on Friday, so I dealt with it the best I could by myself. I then emailed the relevant colleagues on Friday evening who needed to know what had happened and how I'd dealt with it, so they'd be appraised of the situation.

I don't work Mondays but I logged in today just to see what I'm going into tomorrow. I'd had a reply from one of the senior members of the team (not my direct line manager but senior in the organisation) basically reprimanding me in what feels like a shitty way for one small aspect of how I dealt with the situation, ignoring the fact I worked past my hours to deal with the entire situation myself. She also hadn't commented on the issue itself really, she's just offered a criticism of one small aspect of how I dealt with it (which I also happen to disagree with her on). My main gripe is not that she disagrees with my approach as such, but that her reply was unnecessarily shitty and there was no thanks for dealing with the situation, and on top of that she "sent to all" instead of just me, so this now essentially feels like a public telling off via email as 5 other members of the team are copied in. I feel she could have more sensitively communicated her disagreement with the small aspect she has chosen to comment on, for example by just raising that part directly with me.

The upshot is I now feel anxious to go into work tomorrow because I am angry about the way she's handled it and don't particularly want to face her (she's not the most approachable person at the best of times), and also I just don't get paid enough to work past my hours on a Friday to give a shit about issues that might affect my team, to then receive basically no thanks and just criticism instead.

AIBU?

@EveryoneEnviesMeEverywhere

Yes what I did was within my remit. Ideally, it requires a team response and some support, one person dealing with it is less than ideal. But nonetheless it's within my remit. I ended up staying later than my hours because it's a situation that could have done with a team effort, if that makes sense.

Honestly, let your line manager handle it.

If you reply, you just give the auld bitch an opportunity to have another go at you and I wouldn't give her the pleasure.

I could dig out some deeply unpleasant email trails between me and our team manager. She has this habit of emailing something deeply passive aggressive, and if you reply, she makes a hue and cry about it and infers things you never said in the first place. Not just me either. I have learned to avoid. She's as thick as pigshit, promoted well beyond her level of capability. It's pointless.

And of course I could have done nothing and downed tools at the end of my working day. But I guarantee I'd have been far more heavily criticised for that than what I did, which was to make an attempt to resolve it before the weekend.

Hi - I feel your pain and could easily see this happening in my organisation - totally understand why you’re upset and angry and I would be too. I don’t know why people just can’t be kind and appreciative. The others have given great advice. Best piece of advice I’ve read recently and follow all the time with things like this is ‘Will this matter in 5 years?’ If the answer is ‘no’, I try and put it right out of my mind and not lose sleep over it. I know it’s not easy, but it helps a little. Big hug to you ❤️

I HATE shitty emails with a burning passion and doubly so when other people are copied in. I have rarely respected anyone that’s done it and I strongly suspect those cc’d will feel the same way, so I wouldn’t worry about wider perceptions. If someone has an issue with how you’ve handled something, and other people need to know they’re picking it up, they can just say ‘thanks for sorting x; can we have a chat offline so we can think how we’d address this next time’. Job done.

key here is not to go back defensively or you’re ceding her power. Either acknowledge it professionally - ‘thanks for your note; it would be helpful to discuss your thoughts more offline’ - or ignore it. Don’t slip into apologies or justifications as she hasn’t earned them!

I agree 100%

What annoys me more too is that it would've been obvious from the time stamp on my email on Friday evening that I was working past my hours when I updated everyone. That wasn't even acknowledged🤷‍♀️

I really feel for you. It's shit being in that position on a Friday when everyone else has cleared off and you're left to to deal with an emerging issue. Well done for tackling it and not just walking away or panicking (as many would!).
I'd speak to your line manager about what's happened.
No one deserves a "shit-o-gram" when they've tried their best - even if things are far from perfect. If the person had such an issue with something they should pick it up with you or your manager directly - either by email or by phone.
I'd cool off overnight, and then have a chat tomorrow to your manager to explain how you feel. And how you feel is totally normal and justified.
These sorts of situations are always good learning opportunities: to learn (constructively, from your manager) how you could have handled things better, how to "pass the monkey up" even on a Friday afternoon (because you're not paid to deal with this sort of shit) but most importantly how not to raise issues with colleagues if you have an issue with their work. In the future, especially if you're in a more senior role, you'll remember this encounter and be a better boss/colleague as a result.

Yes, makes 100% sense - you remind my of my long stint in a soc services department. There were people like me on the lower rung of the ladder who were often overworked and underpaid and slagged off one way or another. Then you had the seniors and worse of all, those that thought they were a senior or a manager but could not organise a piss-up in a brewery.

Thankfully, the manager like me as he knew I was not just a grafter but did a great job even difficult ones and I often spoke to them off the record - he hel me back a few times from firing off emails, saying stuff that the idiot could then use against me

Possibly email your manager tonight, not go into detail, short and sweet say you want urgent meeting, one to one as you are very upset about the email sent to 6 people without you or your manager/supervisor being consulted and anxious about coming into work tomorrow.

It's hard but go in tomorrow, don't share you anger with anyonne, just be normal, get into the meeting with your manager and take it from there. Trsut me, I worked with many parasites and if they saw someone not so happy they disliked it made their day

Reading your OP, I'm sure its going to be ok and the person that sent the email to 6 other people is an idiot and often may have done this to others.

Good luck

Absolutely do not reply in an email!

1. guaranteed those in the reply all email will be rolling their eyes and thinking she’s a dick
2. if she’s been rude to you she’ll have been horrible to the rest of her colleagues
3. she is higher up than you so unfortunately take it on the chin because it feels like at the moment it’s unfair but will it really matter in a weeks time? Probably not
4. vent to your line manager and then let it go, there is a lot to be said for not caring about others reactions
5. your line manager will have also got it in the neck from this arsehole
6. Ask your manager how you could if handled the situation better in terms of the Friday situation and how, when there is no support, should you deal with it next time…back them into a corner so they never make you deal with such a situation again

I don’t want to sound subservient but is it worth the hassle of being stressed? This person isn’t going to apologise or feel bad.
they won’t change but you can change how you feel towards her and reframe it as she’s showing herself up
I’m saying this as someone who is very fiery and hates people being treated badly BUT I’ve learnt over time that it’s not worth being upset over idiots at work.
pick your battles

The senior boss sounds unprofessional to be honest , there was no need for her to CC loads of colleagues into the email. If she had an issue with something you have done, the right way to approach it would be to email your direct line manager and go from there.

It's hard not to feel upset about it if you are the kind of person who cares about what others feel. If it was me, I wouldn't reply to the email, but ask to speak to your line manager ( who is hopefully my approachable ) and take it from there.

I would also stop going above and beyond from now on if they don't appreciate what you have done.

'Yeah, I'll not be in a hurry to go above and beyond in future that's for sure! I'll do the bare minimum from now on, in case I end up publicly criticised again!'

These stupid arrogant abrasive managers cut their noses of to spite their face time and time again , do they not realise the negative effect they have on a team and how they cause such demoralisation with their shitty attitudes.
Definitely make it clear how your actions sorted things out when you speak to your own manager , the colleagues who also got the email will be well aware of what a bitch this woman is.

I agree with this. Because if I was your manager, I would be very annoyed at the person who’d responded to you, and I’d be taking it up with them and/or my line manager. I know that’s what I’d do because it’s what I’ve done in a very similar situation when someone took it upon themselves to berate a person who works for me!

Especially as someone else has confirmed that it was an unfair email, don’t let it upset you. It’s not your fault someone else is an arse with the social skills of a bucket.

👏🏻 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I would reply directly to the woman, thank her for her email and ask if she has time to speak to you directly about it as you’d like to understand how you could have dealt with it better. In my experience senior people with a bit of “bark/bite” mellow when 1 on 1. She’s also likely to respect it and, who knows, she could become your champion.

Or you could ring your mate for a moan and then lump your line manager with it 🙄

I wouldn’t follow the advice to get shitty with your own line manager about this- it possibly doesn’t feel fair but people remember how you make them feel (including managers) and you might he passed over for promotion/credit in the future. By all means, raise it- but don’t be OTT and self righteous.

OP, absolutely do not "ask for feedback" on the specific issue she raised in email that you disagree with. It sounds like there are different approaches - honestly if I were you I'd stick to my guns.

Lots of good advice on what to say to manager - I agree 100% with what @ToWorkOrNotToWork

Point out you're not paid for the extra hours or expected to work overtime.

Ask which manager will deal with the next complex issue that comes in at the end of a Friday.

I have been in your position and agree it's upsetting, but actually you can totally use it to your advantage.
You probably wouldn't have let your own manager know about working late, but this tells its own story.
I wouldn't reply to her message but would definitely speak to boss, be very factual "I was upset when I received this email, I felt Rachel didn't appreciate the extra hours I put in to resolve this for our customer and I'm not in agreement with her solution . What should I do if a situation like this arises again?"
But say it all very calmly.

Everyone knows she's an arse.

This.

I honestly wouldn't worry about others being copied in. She's the one who's going to look like an idiot.

And this is why I absolutely refuse to have my work email on my phone or even desktop. Never look at emails once I’ve left the premises. It can wait.

Just leave the email hanging. Don't respond.
Speak to your manager.

Every person who receives that email now thinks she's an absolute twat, if they didn't already.

I had a similar situation recently in my office, one of my peers responded rudely to a email from a junior employee. I responded to the whole group as if the rude email didn’t exist, thanking her for staying late to handle by herself and asking if there was a report that could be run to prevent this issue from coming up at the last minute. After I sent my email, the other recipients also sent thanks or potential solutions and seemingly ignored that the rude email existed.

Rude coworker & I are both more senior staff, however I was promoted through the ranks (from that junior position) & she was hired in, so I am more aware of how difficult it is to address last minute issues on your own (although, honestly, you’d have to be thick to not understand that already).

I wonder if one of the other people, perhaps your friendly coworker, would be willing to respond “thanks for handling late on Friday, do you want to have a post mortem later today?”

I mean you can not not go to work because of this. You did what you could, with the knowledge and training you had basically.

A shitty email, yes, but you might find you have learnt both good and bad out of this in the end.

Thanks all - some excellent advice here, all very helpful.

A few people have said she will come across as an arse to the other cc'd recipients. I'm wondering if this is true because I've heard someone she directly line manages voice a gripe with her before - I didn't pay it much heed as I don't have massive dealings with her in my usual day to day job. In meetings I've been in with her I've always found her a bit cold, not massively approachable or personable, a bit ruthless perhaps, but never had any direct run ins with her until now. After this I feel very sorry for those who she line manages - they're likely on the receiving end of this all the time.