To keep my day off when dd goes to school

[MommaTonda]

I have a 6 and a 4 year old (dd1 and dd2) and I currently work 22.5 hours a week. This allows me to do school & pre-school drop offs and pickups most days (grandparents have dd2 on a Monday and pick up dd2 from school so I can work a full day).

I have Friday's off work which I spend looking after my 4 year old. She is going to school in September.

My and DH's best friend's had a similar setup and when their 4 year old went to school, mum carried on having Friday's off work. The agreement was that she would spend this day catching up with house admin but the reality is that she does a little house admin (maybe an hour) and then enjoys her day. Mainly by meeting me and dd2 for lunch etc. Her husband says it's unfair and it's the only thing they argue about.

I would very much like to continue having Friday's off when dd2 goes to school and my friend and I talk about doing the same as she does now. House admin for an hour or two then maybe gym / lunch etc.

My DH doesn't have the opportunity to work part time in his job. I don't earn a lot so working the extra day wouldn't bring in a lot of extra money.

AIBU to continue having Friday's off when dd2 starts school? Has anyone else had a similar experience? Just looking for opinions before I broach the subject with him!

I loved having a day of during the week
There is more to life than work and looking after children.

I still have Fridays off, it keeps me sane

Yes keep it, not only for house stuff but for you and your time as you won't get many opportunities. I kept mine and I make sure I have at least an hour with a hot tea and silence - utter bliss.

I had Fridays off. I used to do a lot of laundry and tidying up, some admin. Didn’t have enough time to clean.

Hell no!! Keep it and enjoy it!!

keep your Friday off as someone else said there Is more to life than work and childcare

I carried on having Fridays off until my son, my youngest was about 7 (worked around school hours m-t before then) but that was due to having to, following split from husband. I did still only work term time only though until son went to secondary school.....then full time. Keep your Fridays off to catch up on life admin, housework and catching up with friends. I used to work in the home until 1 then meet friends for lunch before school pick up. It was great!

I also have Friday off. It’s my chance to rest and do ‘me stuff’ rather than work, home, kids. You really need a recharge. Sometimes I do housework cooking meeting friends/family. I also sometimes, watch movies, switch off the phone (or screen calls) and catch up on sleep. I have kids and a very busy life and a good profession.

I’ve worked towards this set up my whole life. I earned it. Monday-Friday doesn’t suit me at all and my kids get a sane mum rather than a frazzled one. I also take care of elderly family members throughout the week. Me time. Is a must.

Can you actually get your fourth day back? Not all jobs are that easy.

What is your pension provision like, both for you and jointly?

What does your dp feel about being the main breadwinner? Do they find it stressful?

If the answers stack up, at least for now, then hell yes, keep it.

Surely there's no problem keeping it off if it's not going to massively impact finances / your DH gets gym / lunch time too I guess?

This all the way.

it is possible - though - that I might have felt differently if I’d had children when I was younger. I was 43 and careerwise I could feel been-there done-that. Since DC has been older I’ve had some good career moments without going back to 5 days a week - I was on the training team for the last library management system we rolled out and I’m team leader in one of the major purchasing areas.

The 4 day week, flexible working and hybrid working has been invaluable to me in recent years with elderly parents needing help.

Whether one parent continues to have a day “off” when the kids start school probably depends on a number of things.

1. has that person done the bulk of the child rearing up to that point - with double working days and days at home with babies and toddlers where they couldn’t even go to the loo in peace or drink a hot cup of tea? If so, they deserve at least a period of time in which to get some time back to themselves - some “pay back” for the heavy lifting as it were. Not necessarily forever but for a decent chunk of time - a couple of years maybe.
2. Does that parent also do a lot of the child care when the kids aren’t at school? Therefore do they actually have a deficit for free time as opposed to the other parent on weekends and evenings, and when the family is on holiday together. Are they “the default parent” a lot?
3. Does that parent do more than their fair share of housework and life admin, even if not all of it?
4. How much would the fifth day actually pay? It’s often not a lot when tax is taken off, and wrap around care factored in.
5. If the other parent wants things “fair” is it a plan for them to have a non working day, where they do school drop off and pick up, make the dinner, do a little housework etc. A different day obviously! This could also save wraparound. If they don’t want this either - why not?
6. Does it benefit the children to have someone there after school at least one day a week - the answer will usually be yes! Whose presence is more beneficial to the children?

I think it depends on how you are financially. I appreciate you say it won’t be much more but if you’re extremely tight, every little helps.

Why can’t your DH go to 4 days?

^^ likely when you weigh all of that up, it’s more than fair that you or your friend has a day off paid work.

Ive always worked full time but that’s my choice!

Will your DH get the equivalent amount of time off elsewhere? If so discuss it with him.
Personally , I’m glad I kept working for the extra cash and the pension contributions. My kids are older now and the cash is very handy for all their trips, clubs and wants

You would be amazed at how much you can get done without a child undoing things or needing your attention. So that hour can have a big impact. However, I do feel like it should take into consideration any "downtime" the husband has. Because it is 6 ish hours of downtown for the Mother.

Ds was in nursery 3 days as they didn't do half days so I had half a day without him, I got a lot done as it meant I could then spend time with Dh on an evening instead of doing housework/laundry or food shopping.

I kept my Fridays off after my youngest started school.
It is a god send. The amount of appointments and things to do, general life admin that needs doing is ridiculous.
If you can afford it, keep your day off

I did this but, it caused some resentment and my dh began to stop doing any cleaning up of any thing from about Tuesday onwards, as he expected me to do it in Fridays. That day became a long housekeeping day with an avalanche of laundry. Also, all admin was left to me as I was "off" on Fridays.
When I went back to work five days a week, it took a long time to change this habit but slowly it's more fair now and I am less stressed at the weekend.
It was very unfair, but my dh seemed to think it was only right use Fridays like this.
I would love a day off a week or even a half day for me, but the only way it would work would be if no one knew!

I’m going to go against the grain, if DH is full time I think it’s a tiny bit selfish. But we are truly 50/50 in my relationship so I would feel guilty. If you do the bulk of the housework it’s less clear IMO.

I do four full days as does DH so the kids are only in nursery 3 days. When DD goes to school we’re both switching to having 2 afternoons off a week so we can do pick up and drop off 4/5 days. We’ll both get about 2 hours to ourselves twice a week. But like I say he does equal childcare, housework etc so I’m happy with this. Not sure I would feel ok having an additional day to myself when he didn’t!

My two DC are both at school and I have Fridays off. But our situations are different as I work 4 full days so 30 hours a week, term time only.

Both my DC have SEN and although I love my job it can be emotionally draining so sometimes knowing I have a few hours to myself in an empty house on a Friday is the only thing that gets me through the week.

My DH has said he doesn’t care if I never go back to working full time, as long as I'm happy...which is just as well because I never want to work 5 days again! If you and your DH are in agreement it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I thought I would but actually I realised I was ending up working more hours anyway so figured I may as well be paid for them and money was tight with cost of living going up. Am lucky though as my work is very flexible so if I want to gym and lunch out once a week I could work round it and make up the hours by doing a longer day another day. If it is only time you get to yourself and finance wise it's fine then definitely do it

I’ve been 24 - 29 hours a week since I had my first - both are at school and I really do prefer having a day off.

Enough money comes in so there is no issue. DH doesn’t mind in the slightest. Works for us as a family.

It needn't be unfair. If one of you gets their "me time" on a Friday, then the other gets theirs at the weekend, and you still have plenty of time to do things as a family.

Keep it. My son is 15 and I still do 4 days, love that day to myself, and my son likes knowing I'll be here when he gets home from school that day. I'm sometimes super busy on my day off, but if I need a break I do absolutely nothing 😊

If I can afford it, I never want to work full time again. DH is amazing but the mental load definitely falls to me more. My Fridays are 'payment' for all of that! He's happy I'm generally around more for the kids. It works for both of us.