To keep my day off when dd goes to school

[MommaTonda]

I have a 6 and a 4 year old (dd1 and dd2) and I currently work 22.5 hours a week. This allows me to do school & pre-school drop offs and pickups most days (grandparents have dd2 on a Monday and pick up dd2 from school so I can work a full day).

I have Friday's off work which I spend looking after my 4 year old. She is going to school in September.

My and DH's best friend's had a similar setup and when their 4 year old went to school, mum carried on having Friday's off work. The agreement was that she would spend this day catching up with house admin but the reality is that she does a little house admin (maybe an hour) and then enjoys her day. Mainly by meeting me and dd2 for lunch etc. Her husband says it's unfair and it's the only thing they argue about.

I would very much like to continue having Friday's off when dd2 goes to school and my friend and I talk about doing the same as she does now. House admin for an hour or two then maybe gym / lunch etc.

My DH doesn't have the opportunity to work part time in his job. I don't earn a lot so working the extra day wouldn't bring in a lot of extra money.

AIBU to continue having Friday's off when dd2 starts school? Has anyone else had a similar experience? Just looking for opinions before I broach the subject with him!

I think it sounds great. To make it fair to your partner, can you find a way to carve out some extra leisure time for him too, perhaps thanks to having already done some of the chores on the friday?

Yanbu if you can afford it
Before my kids started school I worked 3dpw, they’re now in year 4 and 6 and I work 4 dpw -land have no intention of giving up my day off!

luckily dh’s salary makes this possible.
I use this day to sometimes catch up with friends but mostly tbh it’s admin type stuff and/or domestic stuff that would risk not getting done otherwise. DH very much appreciates that if something needs doing or collecting, chances are I can deal with it on my day off.

Also that day I am able to make everyone a proper tea because the rest of the week we’re just too busy/time poor.

Finally it helps a lot in the holidays as taking an extra day or two only off per week, makes it overall much more manageable.

DH and I are in agreement that I carry on, at least for now as the extra salary I’d get for the extra day just wouldn’t make up for the fact that our working week (and weekends tbh) would be a lot busier and more stressy.

To add, the fact that I get family/house stuff done on my day off definitely helps my dh relax more in the evenings/weekends than he otherwise would.

I still do and my youngest is 13!

If you don’t need the extra small amount of money and your DH is ok with it then defo! Women have more to do at home generally than men so do some house admin and treat yourself! I’d love this! I work 25 hours but that’s the time my son is at school.. no me time in between and I’d love that!!

It's reasonable because its the norm now (so the setup works ) but be prepared for DH resentment to grow as he already feels its unfair.

It’s lovely to have those Fridays off in the school holidays, rather than putting the children into camps for 5 days in a row while you’re working

When our DCs were younger both DH and I worked 4 days. He was offered a promotion when DC2 was six but it was on the condition he went full-time so he did. I've continued to work 4 days (and have changed jobs a few times) even though the DCs are now older teenagers and I have no intention of changing this pattern. It's not Fridays I have off though and DH spends more time in the evenings/weekends taking part in his hobby whereas I do the bulk of the organising, resourcing and transporting of the DCs for their interests. It works for us!

I'd be beside myself if my DH worked 4 days a week and had a day off to please himself while I worked full time. So I can imagine if the roles are reversed, he might well feel pretty resentful too. Doesn't seem very fair to me. Depends I guess - if he gets all weekend to please himself while you do all the kid taxi-ing and ferrying and birthday parties etc, maybe it's fair.

Also I'd be very wary of where this would lead you if you ever want to have a conversation about eg getting a cleaner. Personally I preferred to go back to work full time than spend my "day off" cleaning. But all my friends also work full time there's no one to have lunch with and there's a gym at work....

I do 80% of housework/life admin so I absolutely work less. Dh prefers it as he has a stressful job so we can relax more evening and weekend as a lot of the jobs are done. We pay extra into my pension and have insurance incase he lost his job.

This, plus the fact that I did mat leave then 2 days off a week with DS for nearly 4 years, decided us. I moved to 4 days school hours and kept my Fridays off. DH does dropoff, I do pickup.

Fair doesn't necessarily mean exactly the same amount of everything. We are a team.

YANBU, at all.

my DD is now 14, I still work part time. It gives you wriggle room for household/admin/school prep stuff (like when they need ingredients or a special outfit)

if financially you can stay part time, then it pays for itself in helping you juggle All The Things and retain (some) sanity.

I don't think it is 6 hours downtime; by the time you've back home after the school drop off, done a few hours of tidying up/life admin, meet someone for lunch at say 12, you'd need to be finished and on your way for pickup by 3pm. I reckon it's more like 3 hours, not 6.
And bear in mind that most women still do way more housework/admin/childcare than their partners, I reckon 3 hours to have lunch and go for a swim/gym once a week is probably not unfair at all.
OP, if your finances can take the hit, go for it! You'll be much less stressed!

From a personal point of view, I would love 1 day off to myself!!! But I would see it from your DH point of view too. I think I would end of resenting my partner having a lovely time with friends a day a week, whilst I work full time and never have a day to myself.

If you can afford it, keep that day off! To have that day just for you to sort things out and have time for you. That is priceless.

I have Fridays off - work 28 hours. I actually worked quite a lot of hours when kids went to primary and we relied on after school club. It was quite overwhelming and I went down to 4 days to improve my mental health but it also meant kids didn't have to go to after school club on that day.

Fridays are when I clean, organise, admin etc, but also take exercise and cook healthy food. The latter help re mental health. It also leaves our weekends more free to do nice things

Working four days will be a godsend in the school holidays, when they are sick (offering to come in on your usual non working day when the kids have been ill earlier in the week), when you need to make routine appts that aren't available at weekends, being able to enjoy Friday night without first having to tidy, wash up breakfast dishes etc........ sell it to your DH like the real perk to BOTH of you it actually is!

Both of you working full time with primary age children is so challenging, and all your annual leave ends up being used separately in school holiday care

This, with bells on. Fridays are a common inset day too.

It’s also really useful to have a day you know is safe to book medical/dental appointments, boiler service etc as well

Isn't it the friend's DH who feels this arrangement (with his wife) is unreasonable? OP hasn't spoken to her DH about it yet.

Oh fine yes, I misread apologies. Well he could resent it but there's no indication he would at the moment so just discuss it with him and go for it !

This!

I work 3 full days and have 2 days off midweek. One I use for house work, the other is solely for me. Then the weekends are free to spend as a family

I have a 20 month old and just dropped down to 4 days a week after finding full-time too much post maternity leave. It's only been a few weeks but have already decided I never want to work a Friday again 😃

@DelphiniumBlue I was a sahm with children in school so I have lived this life but mine was 5 days a week. Meeting up with someone for lunch every week is a choice you make and secondly who else is available for this lunch when most people are working?

As I said it is about equal downtime for both the parents. So I am sure him taking 3 hours a week for gym/swim and a lunch or dinner out is therefore fine too.

I love my Fridays off and have kept them for years! I’m a single mum and I usually spend the day on life admin and chores, which means I can give my kids more attention at the weekends. I do regularly catch up for a cuppa or dog walk with friends too, and meet up with my dad. It also helps in school holidays as it’s less childcare to cover, and it’s easier to cover inset days / stay home when the kids are poorly as I can swap my day off when needed, which saves on annual leave. Fridays keep me sane!