To keep my day off when dd goes to school

[MommaTonda]

I have a 6 and a 4 year old (dd1 and dd2) and I currently work 22.5 hours a week. This allows me to do school & pre-school drop offs and pickups most days (grandparents have dd2 on a Monday and pick up dd2 from school so I can work a full day).

I have Friday's off work which I spend looking after my 4 year old. She is going to school in September.

My and DH's best friend's had a similar setup and when their 4 year old went to school, mum carried on having Friday's off work. The agreement was that she would spend this day catching up with house admin but the reality is that she does a little house admin (maybe an hour) and then enjoys her day. Mainly by meeting me and dd2 for lunch etc. Her husband says it's unfair and it's the only thing they argue about.

I would very much like to continue having Friday's off when dd2 goes to school and my friend and I talk about doing the same as she does now. House admin for an hour or two then maybe gym / lunch etc.

My DH doesn't have the opportunity to work part time in his job. I don't earn a lot so working the extra day wouldn't bring in a lot of extra money.

AIBU to continue having Friday's off when dd2 starts school? Has anyone else had a similar experience? Just looking for opinions before I broach the subject with him!

I kept my day off. I do all housework, cooking, laundry, admin, DIY, gardening etc.

Not necessarily all on my day off, but it gives me the flexibility to do “me” stuff during the day if that fits with friends or events, or instead get all the chores out of the way and have a relaxed family weekend and peaceful evenings.

DH is completely engaged with kids on the weekend and after work and happily pitches in clearing up after meals and other ‘immediate’ tasks, but I wouldn’t think it fair to ask him to do actual cleaning etc when I have an extra 8 hours a week when he is working.

What does DH think?

So my youngest will hopefully be starting preschool in September and will be doing school hours. I currently work 28hrs a week and DH works full time but compressed into 4 days.

We have both agreed that once our youngest starts doing school hours that we will both continue to have a day off for ourselves each week. We have also agreed that neither of us are obligated to do any substantial housework on those days but to spend the time doing something for ourselves. Tbh six hours of the school day goes by way too quickly anyway and obviously in holidays we will both have the kids on our respective days but we are both looking forward to having some indulgent child free time...him to play golf, me to go swimming/dog walk/cycle/out for lunch/meet my Mum etc.

My last child goes to school in august. I currently have a Monday and Friday off work (do longer days the other three) and I'm definitely keeping them! I might go back to four days at some point but not straight away, I feel like I've earned those days off - I've been running round after kids for nine years and this will be the first time that all three of mine are at school.

My DH also has a day off during the week though, so there's no resentment here. He can keep his too as far as I'm concerned.

Mine are teens- I still work 4 days a week! Generally I do the big shop and the housework but I also have a lie in/ go for a run/ meet friends. I don’t feel guilty at all it keeps me sane! Plus it is nice to be there when they get home from school once a week.

Can your DH also go 4 days?

if you’re saying it’s becaue you do more of the load - is that because he doesn’t do anything on the weekends?

dependjng on how the load is distributed- sounds quite possibly unfair to me

There's no way I would give up my Friday's off, with the DC in school it could be a mental health day and a tidy up day. However if you need the money then I'd say otherwise.

Unless your DH is going to do 50-50 with everything keep it

If your dh is in agreement then I would keep it. I remained a sahm when my ds started school. And
I have a big age gap between my 2. My dh was happy enough for me to be home, and I enjoy taking on the household. Dh is very hands on though, so I often feel I have the better deal. I would do it if you both are ok with it.

I'm planning on going down to a 9 day fortnight within the next few years to avoid going over the 40% tax threshold and I don't even have kids so have nothing against anyone prioritising free time over money.

The only thing I would say is that time off should be fair. Hand on heart, if your DH could go down to 4 days, would you honestly be happy if you were still working full time and he spent the fifth day relaxing and going out with friends?

If you can use the fifth day to do the majority of household chores or admin so you both get the whole weekend to enjoy yourselves/spend time with the kids, or he gets all Sunday morning off to play golf or whatever, then fair enough. But if he works full time and you part time, but you both do the same amount of household work, then that's a bit unfair.

I work 4 days a week and never want to go back to 5 days! I do use it for household chores but work at my own pace. I clean the house and usually visit my elderly parents in the afternoon then grab groceries and collect my daughter from school. This sets us up for a relaxing weekend which everyone appreciates.

I made a decision pre children to work extra hours and have one day off. Best decision ever. Keep that day.

I have Fridays off, like your friend I do admin and some shores like washing with a bit of time off too! I'm in the same boat in that it's not worth it monet wise for the extra day. As a result myself and my husband have an agreemt that he gets more time off at weekends to even it out. Can u negotiate this? I think your husband is being a bit mean!

I worked 3 full days a week when I went back after mat leave and tweaked my hours to cover school hours across 4 days (with Fridays off) when DD started school in September.

It works really well for us. DH wfh in a high paid ‘big’ job with crazy hours but does his share with DD when he’s not on calls or travelling. He does school run when he can and we take it in turns to cook/ do bedtime etc. He also pays for a cleaner every 2 weeks but I do cleaning in between.

He insisted I keep my Fridays off as ‘me time’ but I do catch up on life admin and washing, food shopping etc. I also take elderly relatives out and take MIL out for coffee etc. In return he takes time out to play golf or go to football and I don’t feel hard done by as I’ve had my equivalent time.

think bigger picture … Fridays is one less day you will have to find childcare in the massive amount of school holidays children have ! Do not take on another day … you will be left to work full time and STILL do all the house stuff !

As with all similar questions if it works for your set up and everyone is happy go for it. I have Fridays off, I go for a long run then swim in the sea with my friends, do the shop and a big clean but also chill, meet friends go shopping etc. My DH works full time but goes out to a hobby and then food with friends every Wednesday evening and Saturday morning, and also other times. Our kids are all teens now. I do do some freelance some Fridays. If you and your DH are happy I would.

I kept my day and a half off until my youngest went to high school. It did let me have time for appointments but it also let me 2 do after school pickups while my kids were in primary, and allowed me to walk home with them, maybe via the park in nice weather, and get dinner on the table in less of a rush as well as fit in helping with homework etc more easily. And it allowed them to pick up an after school activity that they would otherwise have been unable to attend.

I did. I needed it for housework, errands, admin and gym. It also allowed me to swap if the dc's were ill in the week.

Mine are 7&8 and I have kept my Fridays off. I am the higher earner so earn the same in 4 days as DH does in 5. Theres a list doing the rounds at the moment spelling out all the home and child admin mothers tend to do, often on top of paid work, that men don't do. Whilst my husband shares general housework, he has next to never: bought the kids new clothes and took old ones to charity, remembered kids friends bdays and bought wrapped and given presents to said friends, done any preparation for Christmas aside from buying a tree/turkey, organised the kids after school activities, arranged and supervised play dates, sat and done homework with the kids etc etc etc. Friday is my day to myself. My husband gets time during weekends and evenings when I am doing said admin/child related support! He is happy, I am happy. Keep your Fridays unless you are in one of those true unicorn couples that shares everything!

Her husband says it's unfair and it's the only thing they argue about.

Some people just resent others have more spare time, other husbands would have the happy wife, happy life mindset and wouldn't begrudge it at all.

You said it wouldn't really bring in much extra money, tbh if it came down to a money thing I'd cut back on spending elsewhere to make up for it because the day off is priceless!

It doesn't sound to me like you can afford it. I also think grandparents cutting their childcare hours should be the first thing you think about, not making life easier for yourself.

In a partnership you should aim for equal amounts of time to yourself. If you get Friday for leisure you should be prepared to take both kids for a bit at the weekend - up to the whole day, for your partner to have time off too. Alternatively you could take on most of the house and life admin.

OMG keep your wee day to yourself!! Plus kids are only in school 9-3pm anyway so it's not actually that much time!

My youngest has just turned 3 (I have a 7 yr old too) so she's not at school til 2025 but I'm totally looking forward to my free Friday. I have worked 4 days (30 hours) since the kids were born so have always done a bit more of the childcare and feel I'm due it quite honestly. My husband has always worked 5 days but I would love him to also drop a day if he's brave enough to ask his employer. :-)

I have kept my day off and it is a hill I will die on. I’m also not that much more worse off financially either.

I've kept my Mondays off and it's awesome. I do the laundry and food shopping, crochet and watch true crime on Netflix.