To keep my day off when dd goes to school

[MommaTonda]

I have a 6 and a 4 year old (dd1 and dd2) and I currently work 22.5 hours a week. This allows me to do school & pre-school drop offs and pickups most days (grandparents have dd2 on a Monday and pick up dd2 from school so I can work a full day).

I have Friday's off work which I spend looking after my 4 year old. She is going to school in September.

My and DH's best friend's had a similar setup and when their 4 year old went to school, mum carried on having Friday's off work. The agreement was that she would spend this day catching up with house admin but the reality is that she does a little house admin (maybe an hour) and then enjoys her day. Mainly by meeting me and dd2 for lunch etc. Her husband says it's unfair and it's the only thing they argue about.

I would very much like to continue having Friday's off when dd2 goes to school and my friend and I talk about doing the same as she does now. House admin for an hour or two then maybe gym / lunch etc.

My DH doesn't have the opportunity to work part time in his job. I don't earn a lot so working the extra day wouldn't bring in a lot of extra money.

AIBU to continue having Friday's off when dd2 starts school? Has anyone else had a similar experience? Just looking for opinions before I broach the subject with him!

DH and I both work 4 days now. And both intend to keep doing so when youngest goes to school, either separately or potentially the same day off. It's so nice not to need to use full weeks of holiday clubs, to be able to have friends round after school, to be able to join activities, to have a bit of flexibility with appointments and general life stuff.

Those asking about if the roles were reversed. I have the bigger job, more unpaid overtime and extra commitments. If he had wanted to stay at 3 days or I was working FT and he was doing 4 days and the finances stacked up I'd be happy with that. If he was able to take on a good amount of life work and was happy and relaxed and we had the flexibility I'd consider this a great trade off. Coming home to tidy house, stocked fridge, healthy dinner and less stressing trying to get everything done in the evenings and weekends? Yes please. If he's been to the gym and done something for himself he'll be happier and more relaxed and that's good for our relationship. And he'd acknowledge he got more time in the week and facilitate me getting time to myself too, because he's nice and that's fair.

Hadn’t spotted the bit it about grandparents.

You shouldn’t assume they will carry on doing those pick ups to enable you to work your full days and then have a day off for yourself. That would be unfair. Unless they actively want to do it, consider doing your hours across five days within the school day.

I still have Fridays off. It's great and gives me a chance to go for a run, catch up on admin, meet a friend for coffee etc. DH is happy with it, and it's fair because he goes to the gym and socialises after work, which I can't do because I have to get back for the kids.

Is the sector you are in low paying or is there a chance to progress a career. You are on here you know relationships can come off the tracks.

Why not take the opportunity to skill up and invest in yourself? My idea would be to skill up earn more then you have the opportunity to reduce your week but increase take home pay. Giving you more choices for your children.

The age your children are is an excellent time to start saving for third level. Just a thought, yes life balance is important, but I've seen plenty get caught in the low income trap and facing into the much more expensive teen years with regret.

I've kept my day off, but on the agreement that I use it for house admin. I'm slowly working my way through all the stuff that got neglected while we had a small child - clearing out wardrobes, deep cleaning, checking insurance deals etc. But those six hours go insanely fast, I find I'm often rushing back from the supermarket or post office at 3pm for the school run. Oh and also, it's useful having to find a day less childcare in the holidays, and I like having our 'Mummy and DC' Fridays back.

Working part time makes my life more difficult with work, so I will probably go back when DC is 7ish.

As long as your DH is happy then go for it. My daughter starts school ins September also, I work two days per week (remained ins Renoir role and kept a good salary despite being PT) and I'm not upping my hours.

We're fortunate that we don't need the money and my DH is happy for me to be home those days. I will say though he works very long hours in a high pressure role so I take on the bulk of life admin, kids, cooking, housework etc. Will definitely give me more balance in September to get this stuff done and have a bit of me time. I would only go back full time if we needed the money.

I didn't with DC1 but have done now DC2 is at school. However I picked up some volunteering work so it's not just a chores day. That's really suiting me for the moment!

I do think you posting you worked 5 days and your husband wanted to do 4 would receive a very different balance of responses…

Keep the day off. Even with school age DC there's a lot of house stuff to be done...and school/life admin. Plus just a child free day to recharge will make you all round happier.

Yes but the difference is I bet on the ops day off she'll be catching up with house stuff whereas a man in all honesty probably wouldn't.

I will definitely be keeping my Fridays off when my youngest starts school. Roll on Sept 26. Feels like a lifetime away 😅

@Comedycook OP said she’d mostly spend the day lunching…

Or what if the 5 day working husband said he should have more of the money to himself if she has more spare time?

I don't understand why you wouldn't keep the Fridays off. I mean, once your DD starts school you've still got holidays, sick days etc to manage and that's a lot - this is one day a week you don't have to get Al or childcare for etc.

I DO think it's important that if you get the extra day, and during term time at least, that means you're getting lots of time off so you should be taking the time to limit the amount of household labour that's needed on weekends (for either of you). I am self employed but have one day a week where I am working but plan to keep big jobs away so that I can have an easier day - yoga/gym, meet a friend etc. I ALSo do a lot of chores on that day. It's when I take the dog to the vet, catch up on the washing if necessary, do in-person chores like shopping etc.

There are 13 weeks a year school holidays so you would cover the Friday childcare for all of those.
Depends if your husband is happy with it. I wouldn't be happy to pay more towards bills etc for a partner to have a day off to go for lunch etc but he may be fine with it.

If the husband genuinely took on the bulk of the “wife work” and general household planning, down to the nitty gritty of school shoes, play dates, hobbies etc then it might be fair for him to do four days.

But so many think “great a doss day off” and the wife still picks up all of that unseen, unacknowledged labour.

The OP has said she will go for lunch, but I bet she’s still going to bear a disproportionate burden as across the 7 days. With most of it invisible, but still heavy.

If her child is at school the grandparents wouldn't be needed for childcare.

My daughter is now at school but I work fewer hours now than I did when she was a baby/toddler. I used to work 16 (two days) but now do 14 over three half days. I kept Monday and Friday off. I don’t get much time to myself as there’s always mountains of stuff to do at home. I tried to increase to four days recently but I’m almost mentally crushed so I ended the trial. I do 100% at home.

Similar situation here. Youngest DC is also starting FT school in September and I work FT spread over 4 days atm so, much like you currently have Friday with DC. I won’t be adding an extra day at work in because I cover FT hours right now in four days and that works well for me.

Plan on doing what I do now so catching up with the housework but I’ll also go for a long run and chill out a bit hopefully. It will be quite lovely after 4 years with at least one child at home on my day off!

When my two are eventually both at school, I plan to have 2 days a week off. I currently work 3 days a week and have no intention of increasing hours - circumstances permitting.

We currently have a cleaner, this would stop and I would do cleaning a few hours, house admin / decor etc a few hours. Dinner prep etc. And then have a day to myself.

By the time drop offs and pick ups are done (and cleaning up from breakfast etc) there probably a max of 5 hours left.

I 100% feel like I've done the brunt of the family work in the last few years, I am taking some time back!!!

I took the decision to go back full time. For me, retiring a few years later and having 20pc less in my pension, felt too much to give up. But I've been ill for periods before and feel like I should work while I can as you never know whats going to happen. Yes there are 13 weeks school hodays a year to cover but at least one (good Friday and sometimes Xmas or NYD) is a Bank Holiday and you get 25pc more holidays (usually another 4 or 5 days) so it doesn't feel like there is loads more holidays to cover. I also find it easier to justify more weekends away, expensive family days out etc from the 'extra' I'm bringing in. I also found on 4 days I was always generally trying to fit 5 days work into 4 anyway.

I'd say most people I know have kept their days off though, once they got used to them they found it difficult to give up (and their workload was 4 days not 5 anyway)

I work full time and manage to go to gym, meet friends, shop. do life admin in evenings and weekends. It's hard work but can be done. My dad gets everything she needs. DH and I split work home 50/50.

Like many working women with children I have done enough extra juggling that I would think this fair no question. My Dh doesn’t fully acknowledge my extra work for our family but I’d probably consider separating over this if he thought I shouldn’t. (I work full time so I don’t, but I think most women absolutely have earned this)

Time off is ESSENTIAL..how else are you supposed to recharge your batteries?

When I started my job I couldn’t work Fridays due to not having anyone to look after DS on that day. He’s been in school since September and I kept the Friday. Honestly it’s my saving grace. I can go shopping, housework, go back to bed etc. It all depends how I feel. I absolutely relish my alone time it makes me feel ‘me’ and not ‘mum’. I do sometimes work overtime on a Friday if it comes up but not always.