Sister won’t commit to booking holiday because of “threat of war”

[Posypointshoes]

I’m an anxious person. I worry a LOT especially about the way things are in the world at the moment. I can see how it can feel like things are pressing in on all sides.

however we have a special family birthday coming up and we are all supposed to be booking a special holiday abroad for it. It’s been in the works for a while we’ve sorted all the arrangements and now when it’s time to actually book my sister is saying she won’t commit because we just don’t know what’s going to happen with the world.
she’s panicking about war breaking out if we were on holiday and then what would we do?

as I said I am an anxious person. I’ve had some dark and scary thoughts about possibilities and what we could be facing but this just seems mad to me? Our parents are upset as it’s their occasion and now she’s the only one not going.

its also making me alarmed that she’s struggling with her mental health maybe more so than she’s letting on, if that seems like a logical reason not to book a holiday? She’s also stopped making plans further than a few weeks ahead as well. I don’t really know what to do about it, if it’s my place to try and how to approach it.

It’s the classic preppers destination

It might just be a coincidence of course, but it seems likely that there's a connection.

Is it a genuine worry or is it an excuse?
Very very far fetched IMO, although I did see on SM when Russia/Ukraine war started that people were scared to send their kids (in the UK) to school 😵‍💫

This!!

Well your sister is not wrong about the possibility of war breaking out and I think a lot of people are unaware of what an unstable position the world is in right now. If she’s erring on the side of caution, then that’s fair enough. Just because it’s a more extreme reaction than most people, it doesn’t mean she’s wrong for feeling that way. We don’t all have to react in the same way to the same set of facts. I say this as someone who is going to Poland by the way, I’m not someone who stops doing things as a result of possible danger but I appreciate not everyone,like your sister, feels the same way.

Oh I didnt know this. Poor NZ

Werent there threads on here about it?

These are people that like to play into a drama

I don't think someone who is mentally healthy limits their plans so unnecessarily. Totally fair enough if she actually just doesn't want to go, but then she should just be honest about it. Opting out of a very special pre-planned family trip to a relatively safe country because of a very vague threat of imminent war that bears no direct relation to that country is not the decision of a mentally healthy person in my view.

If she is using it as an excuse, then I agree, she isn't unwell - she just isn't honest enough to say what she really feels. If she wants to go and is genuinely opting out because of anxiety, then she is letting her life be ruled by fear in a way that I would consider to be very unhealthy.

The Ukraine is 1800km from Greece with several countries in between. It's not exactly next door.

If you take crazy catastrophising attitude consistently you'd literally do nothing...

You wouldn't walk down stairs because of the numerous incidents of people falling and badly injuring themselves or even die from a head injury;

You'd never have a cup of tea in case you scalded yourself and got third degree burns.

You'd never get in a car or walk down the pavement - have you seen the accident stats!

You'd only ever eat puréed food in case you choked.

Seriously, your post indicates you need to get some help with your anxiety...

Yes, unhealthy yes

Not 'very unwell'. I took issue with the descriptor because in thread after thread people exaggerate levels of things.

But bear in mind, you might argue there is no necessity to go go Greece, the family could go anywhere

If she said, its too risky to go to the shops, send my kids to school, get a haircut, get a job, then yes she is having a massive restriction on her activities, these are needed to live. She might expand that out and say shes never going on the tube/train, that is also a restriction, or she might say she is never going to citites in the UK etc etc All those decisions could compromise her greatly, but choosing not to go on a holiday that others have arranged, not so restrictive, she doesnt go, so she doesnt go, her loss and others will still enjoy it. its not necessary in that sense

I didnt know about the NZ thing though!!

I personally wouldn't think twice about going to Greece in the current climate, but I don't think it's an insane concern if you're booking a long way out.

Could you compromise on a destination like Spain, France or Italy, further from the East of the Mediterranean and the Black Sea, and where getting a train or ferry back would be a realistic worst case possibility if flights are down?

Honestly, it's probably your parents fault. They have at least 2 adult children who suffer with severe anxiety. I'd be more concerned about that than a holiday in their shoes.

@HavfrueDenizKisi

Yes but if war was to break out there is absolutely fucking nothing we can do on a personal level about it and therefore what is the point in panicking and worrying about something that is so far out of your own hands? To the extent that you change behaviours and spiral in anxiety for weeks, months, years and live a half life. No thanks.

Well said. It's sad that people live their whole lives cowering and fraught with worry of possibilities...

You get one life - it's a tragedy to ruin it through constant anxiety because you're worried about your life being ruined! Don't people see the irony?

If the trip is planned for summer you should be more concerned about wildfires but people's memories are short.

Because mental illness is the parent's fault?
Bloody hell, the 1950s called.

She doesn’t want to go. It doesn’t matter what excuse she gives. Just accept it and back off.

I think if it the real reason then it is an overreaction. Having a plan B of knowing how to get home in a hurry if needs be and ensuring you have the funds to do so would be a way of reducing that concern.

Whilst I don't do 'big birthdays' or whatever you call them, I can get your parents disappointment at this. Just go without her.

What's happening? I don't watch the news.

I remember having a conversation with a friend of a friend over 35 years ago about them wanting to move to New Zealand because if there was a nuclear war it would be the safest place to live @IlsSortLaPlupartAuNuitMostly (not sure who actually worked that one out?!). Pretty sure he still lives in Plymouth!

I'm no expert but I doubt there would be anywhere "safe" or even survivable on the planet if several nuclear missiles were launched and then there would be inevitable nuclear power station meltdowns. If you lived under the sea you might be alright!

I do believe the chance of WW3 is probably higher right now than it has been for a very long time.

All the more reason for a holiday to distract one’s thoughts

What exactly is she worried about. Is it about losing money or the fact it could be dangerous? She can get decent insurance for the former, as for the latter, if ww3 does break out we’re all fucked whether we’re on holiday or not. You could def argue that you’d be safer on a Greek island than in a British city.

Thinking about it my own mother doesn’t really go anywhere outside a 50 mile sphere of her home in north wales as she feels it’s all a bit “dangerous”. So I don’t think it’s an unusual view to take. However she is in her 70s which is a bit different- she feels it’s a bit late in life to take risks!

oh that’s just mean😔😢

In fairness, nz is quite a good call for safety.

35 years ago and earlier the worries were about full-on superpower conflict and Mutually Assured Destruction. Nowadays the more likely concern is more limited tactical nuclear attacks, which you would be pretty safe from if you were a continent away.

Your lifetime cancer risk would probably rise, but most of these scenarios are far from unsurvivable - that's what makes them so worrying in some respects. Happy Monday.