Sister won’t commit to booking holiday because of “threat of war”

[Posypointshoes]

I’m an anxious person. I worry a LOT especially about the way things are in the world at the moment. I can see how it can feel like things are pressing in on all sides.

however we have a special family birthday coming up and we are all supposed to be booking a special holiday abroad for it. It’s been in the works for a while we’ve sorted all the arrangements and now when it’s time to actually book my sister is saying she won’t commit because we just don’t know what’s going to happen with the world.
she’s panicking about war breaking out if we were on holiday and then what would we do?

as I said I am an anxious person. I’ve had some dark and scary thoughts about possibilities and what we could be facing but this just seems mad to me? Our parents are upset as it’s their occasion and now she’s the only one not going.

its also making me alarmed that she’s struggling with her mental health maybe more so than she’s letting on, if that seems like a logical reason not to book a holiday? She’s also stopped making plans further than a few weeks ahead as well. I don’t really know what to do about it, if it’s my place to try and how to approach it.

Is there another reason and she doesn't feel able to be honest?
Can she afford it?

Thanks all.
what I don’t understand is she is looking at emigrating to New Zealand this year which has been her dream for ages and that’s a far longer flight etc but maybe it plays into the anxious fears as it’s so far away and likely to be safer if things do go bad.

i am worried about her mental health. I know it’s good to be prepared and I’m not being all “life is a party” as a poster suggested but I do think you can’t just stop everything incase. Otherwise what’s the point of getting out of bed in the morning?!

I didn’t think Greece was unsafe tbh, and it’s a special birthday because we didn’t think the person was going to make it to this one.

Yes but if war was to break out there is absolutely fucking nothing we can do on a personal level about it and therefore what is the point in panicking and worrying about something that is so far out of your own hands? To the extent that you change behaviours and spiral in anxiety for weeks, months, years and live a half life. No thanks.

Pathetic.

Love it!

I remember I had a trip to London planned when the terror attacks happened. We were meant to go a week later and I was going to pull out. My friend persuaded me to go and we had a great time. Ironically I’ve lived in London now for the last 16 years! I think these fears can be normal OP but also I think it is important for a persons loved ones to gently persuade them and reassure them that they will see life pass them by if they live in fear. I’d also offer a “get out” clause that if she feels in any way uncomfortable whilst you’re there, or anything happens to cause alarm then she can of course come straight home. But I’d try my best to gently persuade her to give it a try.

Have you tried looking into the worst case scenario and putting a plan together for what happens if a war does break out?

I find when my anxieties start to bring in the intrusive thoughts this really helps

This. My SIL still flies backwards and forwards to Ukraine to see family. At some point you just have to get on with living.

One of my DDs lives in Poland and the other is moving to Greece in a few weeks. I am not anxious. I worry far more about my parents, who live in South Africa. Just get on with your lives for heaven's sake.

If WW3 broke out you may as well spend your last days on a sunny Greek island as anywhere.

If I were your family I'd stop making holiday plans and criticising her, and start going all out to support her.

She's ill.

She's terrified by the news and you mentioned at one point she had stopped making plans.

This can all be a big red flag.

Then in a later post that she wanted to move to New Zealand, one of the furthest placest from anywhere

At a time when the Doomsday Clock is the closest it's ever been to midnight, she needs expert mental health support. Not family guilt-tripping.

I wouldn't go to Egypt currently, in fact I'd avoid the Middle East or North Africa, might avoid Cyprus too but bar that nothing will stop me. Make sure you check the FCO advisories before booking and take your ur travel insurance when you book (it's advised anyway).

Even if there is a threat, no one is doing anything until November. (US election).

Genuinely.

It's strategically fucking stupid to do anything before November.

So Greece is just fine til then and she with her ton foil hat should be making the most of it with that in mind.

Sounds like a reasonable compromise

Yeah, I'm a bit like this TBH (and I say this as someone who's visited Iran, Iran and Syria in the last 10 years). Leaving things until much nearer the time

Absolutely this.

My OH did this over 'brexit', 'covid' etc (or tried to) and its all just to be obstructive and not do something he didnt really want to do

Theres probably little wrong with her MH, these people are just quite performative and present as if they know better than you and she gets to avoid the thing anyway

Book the holiday in the UK OP

(and as an aside I think if anything did kick off, Greece might be a little too close to the action anyway)

🤣🤣🤣

If your dsis thinks war is imminent, what is she doing about it apart from wringing her hands and cancelling or not doing anything but sit and wait for in her mind the inevitable

Have you asked her about her plans for mitigating her families circumstances by moving to an underground bunker or to live off grid in the wilds of Somerset

She has to do something if that is what she truly believes or it is all just talk to hide the real excuse she doesn’t want to go

@embolass

Apparently Yemen was lovely, very interesting and the people friendly, my friends grandparents were Yemeni so she visited them, they passed away around 20 years ago and most of her relatives she knows about have left legally (eg as students) or by "other" means, a distant cousin turned up at hers in the U.K. once, he was here illegally, she fed him, let him shower, gave him some of her eldest sons clothes to wear and advised him to turn himself in to the authorities, she never heard back

She sounds very unwell, unless she just doesn't want to go and is using her anxiety as a convenient excuse.

Tensions around the world are definitely heightened right now, and I would certainly think twice about heading towards certain regions, but there is a balance to be found and we can't put our lives on hold completely because of something that might never happen. Unfortunately, I doubt that there is much that you can do.

She doesnt sound 'very unwell' at all

Lots of people have a vague feeling of not wanting to go somewhere in case something happens, it may be heightened anxiety but that doesnt equate to be 'very unwell'. Very unwell would be in psychosis or not leaving her home or unable to function. Rejecting a holiday to Greece on the basis that world events could result in Greece being in the firing line does not equate to someone being 'very unwell'

However, my theory is that its just a convenient excuse

Well she's been talking about moving to New Zealand this year, which is pretty indicative of a genuine belief that she's in danger. I worry slightly for New Zealand if their immigrants are increasingly skewed to a certain paranoid personality type. Even if the fears have a logic to them, it can't be good for a society.

[caveat, I'm sure lots of perfectly normal people also move to New Zealand for the scenery and the lifestyle, or because they hate their family but think Australia is too hot].

Where does it say she is emigrating to NZ because of 'danger'. OP says it has been her dream for ages.

Just book it, I imagine she’ll get over it and join you. I’d say that to your parents.