Be honest - would you send DC private if you could?

[Naptrappedmummy]

If your DC is at a state school and you were offered free places for them at the local indie, would you accept? If so, why? If not, why not?

YANBU - Yes I would send them private
YABU - No I wouldn’t send them private

Me - yes I would, in a heartbeat (DD at state primary).

Maybe. I feel like a hypocrite that I'd consider it as I'm quite anti private school mostly but I'd want the best opportunity for DD who has often been a little behind in her milestones

I could have written this. Agree wholeheartedly.

Thought would never, but ended up moving mine to private due to safeguarding issues. Lived in an area with supposedly excellent state schools, mine got physically bullied in multiple occasions but the school wouldn't accept any of it and do anything about it. Then we got to hear similar stories, children of different ages, towns and circumstances but the same exact responses from their schools (state) and what kinds of terrible ordeal they went through when they fought for their children.

Decided to up stick and move to a new town and now feels much safer as there seem more attention to individual pupils and less of those types that attacked mine (for now, will see). We are just getting by financially and will be really hard when Labour comes in to power. Have been a staunch Labour voter all my life but this time I won't vote for them. Some people judge us as in how we can afford private school as we are extremely frugal and live modestly. Someone at work, in a lot higher position than me, even hates me for it but I have to just put up with it as I need the job for the school fees. I can't be advertising our reasons to everyone but I hope people do realise there are people like us who are pushed to private.

No. Experience teaching at University suggests that a lot of private school pupils have confidence but don't do as well academically.

We played the long game, and sent ours to a state school.

In the olden days grammars were definitely filled with a broader reflection of society because it wasn't left to parents to sort the whole process out.

Now I don't think they refect true society because for that you would need the children and parents who don't went to be educated and for sen reasons or mental health issues can't get to any basic level of education.

Obviously a grammar now is usually children from educationally invested dc so that makes them even more narrow today.

Op I absolutely would put my dc private because my dc are very shy and need smaller cosier environment and these monolithic 70s warehouses are intimidating and horrible and scary.
I also prefer education where the teachers are more like employees and children and parents clients so there is more working together and less arrogance.

Yes

@Westwindworries

Confidence is key in getting jobs.

Where I currently work I see quieter, intellectual and capable people over looked for louder, brasher uneducated people.

They have confidence.

My kids are very confident though at state schools. I think you can encourage that at home.

I don't want loud, brash, uneducated children, though, even if they were more likely to get good jobs!

"Send them to a private school and they'll end up loud, brash, and uneducated" isn't really selling private schooling to me....

Your DC may have worked hard at primary but it's not off their own backs that they are at grammars. It's good fortune to live in a county that has grammar schools or you chose to move to be near such schools. Most of the UK doesn't have grammars.

I did and in the same circumstances would again.

😂.

I was talking about having confidence in isolation.

Confidence isn't a bad thing and from what I've seen: it's everything.

I'm absolutely sure that there are many loud, brash uneducated private school alumni around and state school similar types.

I agree, most of the U.K. doesn’t have access to a grammar school.

In my case tutoring was because school didn't have any support for DD's ADHD and she was failing. But her behaviour was vaguely OK so her needs were ignored. I found a gem, referred by another parent of a child with ADHD and it's meant DD could just about keep up. Removing disadvantage rather than advantaging DD.

You'll never remove advantage. Just having books in the house, not having to move because of the whims of the rental market, having your own room to study or sleep, having two parents to share the homework; it's all advantage. Buying smaller class sizes shouldn't be. It's very plain that smaller class sizes is better for every child (and their teachers). So every child should have that.

Absolutely!

Removing disadvantage rather than advantaging DD.

A tutor is proactive advantage IMO

Eton has a phrase for it.

They instill "effortless superiority".

Couple that with an entitlement to run the country. a posh voice, Daddy or daddy's friend to get you an internship to Goldman Sachs or a government department, and you are set for life.

That is what they are buying. Connections.

The education is entirely secondary.

I would and did. You get one chance to educate your child. Our area was massively over subscribed for state secondaries and my two were offered places in a failing, violent school that was over an hour away on two buses. It closed down during what would have been their exam years. DS1 was geeky bright and DS2 had SEN. We found a private school that catered for them both and they thrived there.

I worked with an old Etonian who was astonishingly stupid. He couldn't even understand the work we drafted for him. He didn't look to be enjoying life at all. All the confidence in the world couldn't conceal his complete inability to do the job

Unfortunately they are running the country, and it shows.

Quite.

No. I was privately educated from 4-16 and hated almost every minute. The snobbery, the bullying, the way I was only average academically so I was forgotten about. Pastorally the care was awful too, when I was suicidal my mum had a meeting with my y10 form tutor who said "oh cadburyegg is so quiet and good I just forget about her". I was also told I'd never do X as a career as I wasn't good enough at maths. The list goes on. I did leave with a handful of GCSEs and a bunch of good friends which I'm grateful for. Interestingly none of those friends have chosen to educate their children privately either, even though some of them could definitely afford to do so. The day I stepped into my state sixth form was the first day I felt safe in school.

I couldn't afford private education for my children. is the primary state they are in perfect? No absolutely not, it has its flaws. Do I believe that my children are safe and looked after, and educated to the best standard possible? Yes, which is not something I had at their age. I realise that not every child is privileged enough to attend a good state school, so I count my lucky stars for that. If my children would benefit from tutoring when they get to secondary school I will fund that.

We don't have a grammar system here so that's not a consideration.

I have to make some sacrifices for mine to attend private school.......it is 100% worth it for our family

Yes, and we did. We were fortunate enough that both our kids are bright and involved with school life, so they had scholarships all the way through school. We wouldn't have been able to pay for it otherwise, and they wouldn't have benefited from the opportunities and networks.

DH was the “poor” kid on a full scholarship, he hated it. He was from a very middle class background too, not working class. His experience puts me off.

The independent schools here are Uppingham, Oakham, Stamford. DH went to one of those. I’d definitely consider it but I’m not sure.

Definitely not to private prep- the state primaries here are brilliant (tiny village schools with intake of 8-15 kids), private isn’t better in this case at that age.

If I had the funds to properly afford private senior school (and all the trappings) then yes. But not boarding. I have absolutely no desire to have DD away from home.

No.
Our S London state school was great, Dc learned all sorts of social skills that neither I nor a private school could have taught them, and they didn’t need expensive Molly coddling to achieve good academic results.

Also I am lucky enough to have had the wherewithal (cultural capital, not cash) to provide a variety of extra curricular enrichment.