Be honest - would you send DC private if you could?

[Naptrappedmummy]

If your DC is at a state school and you were offered free places for them at the local indie, would you accept? If so, why? If not, why not?

YANBU - Yes I would send them private
YABU - No I wouldn’t send them private

Me - yes I would, in a heartbeat (DD at state primary).

It really, really isn’t true that everyone is from ‘wealthy backgrounds’. I went to private school but my parents have never earned more than 35k. There was a small inheritance involved - but my parents are from working class backgrounds. Not the moneyed types you’re thinking of. Yes, it’s harder now for people of that profile to send kids private but it can be done if you only have one dc and you decide to buy a 3 bed semi and drive old cars. So many people I know earn much more than us but live in big shiny instagram houses and take swish holidays rather than send kids private. Their choice of course - but what I’m saying is that there are plenty of ‘ordinary’ people in the private system. It’s not just about money, it’s about priorities.

No.

I have one in each, I’m not sure private is always better, there’s a bit of luck whatever you decide I think.

I chose to live in an area in the NW with excellent (non-selective) state schools. However, you can still get a 3 bed house within catchment for under £300K (avg UK house price £288K).

No, never. I did some supply work in some London private schools and saw some really awful things and I'd never want my kids to experience that.

I have ‘fuck you’ money and I still wouldn’t do it.

No because I don't think the teaching is any better, everyone then hates you as an adult because you're posh and assumes you must be a tory as an adult and outcomes are not really any better when you account for other factors. And I think bullying is worse and covered up. Nepotism is rife. Dodgy behaviour of pupils or staff more likely to be covered up to save reputation/ because the staff member is an expert in their field.

It's not by a long shot the same advantage as the golden ticket a public school affords.

Churning out duffers with a confidence that far exceeds ability, and a one way ticket to all the top jobs, at the expense of actually talented kids who's parents couldn't afford it.

A quick look at various Tory front benches and PM's tellls it's own story.

No. Where we are there are selective and Grammar schools as well as private. DC's passed exams for both and we preferred the Grammar, which gets better results than the private!

Based on my own experience I would never send my child to private boarding (no criticism of others but a free place at even the most prestigous would not pursuade me). We are lucky to live in an affluent area with very good state schools as well as a number of highly regarded privates. My DC are having a great time at secondary. My very good friend whose DC went to one of the local very well regarded (often touted on here) privates was horrifically bullied worse than anything I have heard of with nothing done. So as we all make decisions based on our own experiences and situations. I can confidently say no I would not.

There was a massive mix at the school I attended. Far greater than you would find in a state school.

My friends parents included someone who was the owner of a then premiership football club, a lawyer, a single parent living in a flat above the pub they ran and a bus driver.

From the pupils perspective we genuinely didn't care about anyone's background. It just wasn't something we gave a second thought to.

No way.

No. We can comfortably afford it but I am very uncomfortable with the idea of private education. Also, the people who I know who use private schools moan about the amount of homework and how cliquey the parents are; that you’re looked down upon if you’re not visibly wealthy. They both complain about it but also buy into it.

If I’m being really honest I think a lot of people who go private do it as much for the perceived social status and the ability to section themselves off from poorer people as for the academic side of things. I think unfortunately doing so gradually brings out a really ugly attitude towards people who have less money. No, no one’s going around saying that poor people are lazy etc but every so often unguarded comments slip out and it’s very revealing. These are people who I generally like but the sense of superiority is rather grim.

This is not a ‘far greater mix than you would find in a state school’.

It's not by a long shot the same advantage as the golden ticket a public school affords.

Ahnowted I don’t entirely agree as extra tutoring results in better exam results which will give a wider choice of university.
However, Boomboom22 says:
No because I don't think the teaching is any better, everyone then hates you as an adult because you're posh and assumes you must be a tory as an adult and outcomes are not really any better when you account for other factors.

Maybe it’s not a golden ticket but a disadvantage.

Could and wouldn't. Education to me is diversity & community - not just academia.

Was privately educated myself and it never sat right with me.

Not sure. Even if we had the money- would have to win the lotto! I don’t think we’d fit in. We’re both very working class and neither are highly educated, I’d worry dc would get bullied for this alone.
But the opportunities available to privately educated children is something I’m incredibly envious of, and i think it definitely gives them the edge in life.

The sense of superiority and entitlement is one of the many things that I find unpleasant in some of those who I have encountered who went to private school. And also their parents.

In my local private schools there is def greater ethnic and cultural diversity, most comps are 50/50 white wc and white mc, grammar 20/80 wc/mc but the 3 privates have quite a few foreign borders whose parents live abroad. But they are all mc. The schools are not really famous so not uc.

I'm lucky that my son's are in am excellent state school which I wouldn't swap for anything.

But if I lived where I grew up, yes, I would seriously consider private, what ever it took. The only high school within 45 minute drive (one way) is utterly appalling. It was when I went and still is. I would utterly utterly have hated for my son's to go there. Fuck my principles!

No.
So many of my friends and neighbours did and they thought a school that cost £35k/yr meant they could be hands off about their DCs’ education. Came back to bite them in the end.

My son's friends at his state secondary are all hard working, kind, funny and intelligent. I couldn't ask for better friends for him. Not that family background should be relevant but most are the children of doctors /lawyers/scientists or other professionals

I only found a few people I liked at private school. Many seemed very materialistic and bitchy.

I made a lovely group of friends at state grammar and 20 years later we are all still close, and all very successful professionally.

My gut instinct is to say “yes” but I was miserable at a private school and hated it. I was a totally different child when I was moved to a state school. So, I would only send my DC if I truly believed it was the right school. I wouldn’t send them to a good school simply because it’s private. It would have to be what suits them. I’m fortunate mine are happy and settled at school. If I could afford it and I didn’t want to move them, I’d use the extra money for tutoring and any expensive enriching activities they wanted to do.

No because my kids wouldn't want to and they're doing really well academically anyway. My son just got top gcse grades and has a lovely group of friends in his state sixth form with A grades in his year 12 mocks.

My daughter has friends from private school at guides and they're always boasting about their school and amazing holidays. Dd has said she wouldn't want to go there as they're annoying.

Definitely not for primary - local state schools are a part of their communities and I think that's important for kids (the private primaries near me - there aren't many - have kids shipped in from all over) and I think as they are developing their views of the world they need more of an insight into reality than the private school bubble.

For secondary, I would consider it. I inherently don't agree with it, but I am well aware I may end up being a hypocrite if my local state school options were anything like the one I attended!