Be honest - would you send DC private if you could?

[Naptrappedmummy]

If your DC is at a state school and you were offered free places for them at the local indie, would you accept? If so, why? If not, why not?

YANBU - Yes I would send them private
YABU - No I wouldn’t send them private

Me - yes I would, in a heartbeat (DD at state primary).

@Naptrappedmummy you seem to be having trouble separating ideology from reality.

The poster is in favour of true comprehensives where the top 25% academically are not creamed into a grammar, leaving a higher concentration of struggling and poorly behaved / parented kids at the comp.

So yes she is clearly in favour of comps but can't send her dd to the local one because it is NOT actually a comp due to the grammar existing. Many areas don't have grammars so the schooling is generally more equitable. Grade averages in Surrey and Kent are the same but the standard deviation is lower in Surrey. Meaning in both the avg is eg 5 but in kent the lowest get 2 and the highest 8. In Surrey it is also 5 but the lowest get 3 and the top 7.

Essentially grammars do pull the top up but their existence pulls the bottom down in other local schools. Non grammar areas the bottom.do better but the top is less stretched.

I live in a grammar area so my boy who didn't pass goes to a comp 50 mins drive away towards an area that has none or only super super super selection so the comps are better mixed. It's only 20mins on the train though.

Mine got scholarships to top indies and I still sent them to the local comp. and jolly glad I did. Generalisation, but one I will make all the same, I do not like the entitlement private schools produce.

Yes, DS has multiple disabilities and independent SEND schools have things like Occupational Therapy and Speech and Language team on site. Local comp where he goes (enhanced unit) just doesn't have the set up to properly deliver.

Oh this has just triggered a memory for me. My group of friends (all state school) became friends with a girl the same age as us who was the neighbour of one of my friends, but went to private in the nearby city

Over the summer we all hung about together and had a great time, but she was very hesitant about us being near her house in case her mother saw us.

Inevitably her mum found out she was hanging out with the state school crowd and we were all invited over to be “auditioned” to see if we were worthwhile friends for her daughter. We were all asked individually what part of town we lived in, what were our aspirations for uni (we were about 13 at the time), what our parents did etc… Her lovely daughter, our friend, sat there wanting the ground to swallow her up

As you can imagine she loved me, child of divorced parents from the wrong side of town! She made it clear that I was the type of person she didn’t want her daughter associating with.

Funnily enough her daughter put those thousands of pounds spent to great use when she dropped out of uni and (quite happily) went on to run the local pub. The last I heard she cut her mum out of her life due to her interference.

I haven’t thought about that awful woman for a long time.

Mine got scholarships to top indies and I still sent them to the local comp. and jolly glad I did

Moomin why did they sit scholarship exams if you dislike private school students and had no intention of sending your dc to them?

As a caveat to my post, all my family have been educated in state schools (though the whole 11 Plus scenario damaged mum's self-esteem as a learner).

I feel that if state schools, teachers and SEND education were properly funded and managed then there would be no need for me to look at an independent school as an option.

I suspect we will end up at tribunal for a suitable 6th form - so much SEND money wasted playing games by LA's.

My daughter goes on the bus to her (private) school. On the way the bus goes past groups of children from the local comp who often mock them and stick their fingers up at them.

How did they get scholarships, you must have entered them for entrance exams? Why would anyone do that unless they were seriously considering said school?

How did they get scholarships, you must have entered them for entrance exams? Why would anyone do that unless they were seriously considering said school?

Ichundich I would also like to know the answer to this.
I think maybe this poster is similar to those who write posts along the lines of “the Royal family should be lined up against a wall and shot’, or “bring on the revolution’, but when questioned as to who will be shot first, the adults or the children, or what form this revolution will take, then answer comes there none.

My daughter goes on the bus to her (private) school. On the way the bus goes past groups of children from the local comp who often mock them and stick their fingers up at them.

And at my husband’s public school, state school kids were referred to as ‘Kevs and Sharons’. Charming.

We applied in case they didn’t get any of the state schools I wanted

So, if you hadn't you'd have sent them to a private school? Double standards?

I hope I wouldn’t but I might have.

The attitudes on this thread are something to behold.

If you send your kids to Grammar school you are perpetuating educational inequality.

if you move to be in catchment for specific schools you are perpetuating inequality.

If you have tutors you are perpetuating educational inequality.

The system is not equal. We make choices and decisions on what we believe to be best for our children. To think you have some kind of moral high ground because you wouldn't opt to go private is ridiculous and based on the luck/choices of your own circumstances. I have friends who sneer, like many on here, at private schooling but see no correlation with that and their choice to move to the catchment of the best grammars and heavily tutor their kids.

Ha Marsha me too! Accused of poshness throughout my teenage years at state. Got to university and befriended the public school crowd for some reason for whom I was not posh enough! You can’t win being in the middle 😀

Moominmammacat · Today 19:55

I hope I wouldn’t but I might have.

Really? How odd to even consider those schools when you have such strong objections to them and their students.

DD knew a kid at secondary school whose parents moved him from state to private in around Year 9. Apparently they were concerned that he wasn't working hard enough and they wanted a more ambitious peer group for him. DD's assessment was that he might not have been working his arse off, but he was doing OK overall. They sent him to the local boys' private grammar and he went completely off the rails, started dealing drugs etc. I can only presume that he was so angry with his parents for moving him that he decided to punish them. His younger siblings all ended up staying in the state system...

I agree entirely. As someone has already pointed out, we do not live in Stalinist Russia FFS. We should be able to make decisions on what we think is best for our children without fear of judgement. I personally can see pros and cons to both private and state schools, but all schools are as different, all children are different and it's up to us as parents to do whatever we think is best for them.

No because my child has SEN and from what I've heard private schools are less understanding of that. For a NT child maybe.

Yes, my daughter has had a similar issue on her train journey to her private school. The state school kids call them the ‘lesbian school’ as it’s all girls. 🙃 and take the mick of their uniforms- quite long skirts and quite distinctive uniform.

My twos all girl state gets called a riff on its name meaning lesbian school. To be fair there are a lot of lesbians so it’s not far wrong.

Tbh I don’t think either sector has the edge on slagging off other schools - that’s gone on since the dawn of time - in both directions. My friend remembers being spat on by boys from a top name public school when they went to use their swimming pool.

This is the crux of the matter. State school is great in theory and almost certainly fine for other people… but when you’re actually faced with the reality of your kids enduring daily misery at a school you know to be poor - suddenly private school isn’t a mortal sin any more.

Those praising their state schools on this thread almost certainly live in great catchment areas and have managed to access one of those (definitely real) brilliant state schools. It’s not the reality for many of us though.

I certainly don't think it's a "mortal sin" to use private schools. I do think that many parents waste tons of money on school fees for no good reason, but that's their free choice and I wouldn't judge anyone for doing what they think is best for their child. Far rather that than the parent who doesn't give a toss about their child's education.

I don't think that private education is good for society as a whole, but that's a separate issue. In an ideal world, nobody would even think of sending their kids to private schools because there would be no real or perceived advantage to doing so, but we don't live in an ideal world, and I'm not going to judge anyone for doing what they think is best in the meantime.

I have one in each. We would have never considered private school but my youngest has special educational needs and so we moved him to a SEN school at great financial hardship to ourselves. Over 50 per cent of the kids there have their fees paid by EHCP- their parents have often been to hell and back to get this funding. Kids can be academically years behind and with MH issues before it is approved as it takes so long. We are just doing the best we can.

These are the families who will suffer if VAT is added to fees.