Be honest - would you send DC private if you could?

[Naptrappedmummy]

If your DC is at a state school and you were offered free places for them at the local indie, would you accept? If so, why? If not, why not?

YANBU - Yes I would send them private
YABU - No I wouldn’t send them private

Me - yes I would, in a heartbeat (DD at state primary).

It isn't something children generally think about unless their parents drill it into them.

There have been quite a few posts saying how awful private school children are so presumably these parents pass in these views to their children.

If they were banned, private school parents could also home school using a private tutor aka teacher. They’d probably leave state schools in droves to teach just 2 or 3 children and receive the same cash for it.

Without a seconds hesitation . I almost moved up north because their Steiner school was heavily subsidised

Why would you assume that?

I'd assume that most children are barely aware of the existence of private school children, because by definition they don't normally encounter them. It's only as you grow up that you become aware of this group of people. I don't remember my parents or anyone else's ever bringing up private schools, but I do remember as a teenager beginning to come into contact with them and thinking "woah, this is different" (and it wasn't in a good way - apologies to anyone who attended a private school or whose children do, but that was my impression back then).

Can you point me to where she said she wouldn't have voted for it if her children were at school?
I've advanced searched and I genuinely can't see that. My understanding of the posts I have seen are that she would rather all the schools were comprehensive and had a mix of all children, but they currently aren't.
If you have a high ability child you want them to be educated alongside people who are also high ability to ensure they are are challenged and stretched by their peers. In a true comprehensive system this is possible as a true mix of children attend each school. In a grammar school area this isn't possible as the high ability children go to different schools.
But in order to change it you need an electable party that support it and a chance to vote for change, so at the moment it's an impossibility.

Well do you think she would’ve voted to abolish grammar schools while her child was at one? Do you really?

And it isn’t possible in a comprehensive, how can you adequately educate a class where the range of ability is so wide? And meet the needs of all the children? It’s a fantasy.

Why would you assume that?

So why are children bullied for being ‘posh’? (As was the case with my stepdaughter).
Where do children learn about class/background differences if at school such things are never mentioned.

No, the kids who go private school around here are extremely wealthy, my kids would never fit in.

Are you saying she went to a private school and was then bullied by state school children for being posh? I don't know the background to this, but if a) she sounded and behaved different and b) the kids knew she was at a school you pay to go to (which is a pretty wild concept for most kids), then it doesn't require parental influence to make her a potential target. Obviously no child should be bullied, that goes without saying.

I didn't even go to a private school (nor did I grow up rich) and have still been accused of poshness all my life 🤷‍♀️

Are you saying she went to a private school and was then bullied by state school children for being posh?

No, she had to leave her private school and go to a state school.

but if a) she sounded and behaved different

She didn’t behave differently (not sure exactly what you mean by that) she did her best to fit in, but yes, her accent was ‘posh’.

Yes, definitely (with the caveat that I’d have to actually like the private school, because private schools differ just like state schools do).

My children go to an outstanding state primary in a lovely leafy area. But it really isn’t all that, and I dread to think what bad state schools are like if my kids’ school is the best the state sector has to offer.

As someone who was educated in a comprehensive school I take objection to that comment. How do you think most of us got educated? At mixed ability comprensives! It's not a fantasy, it's most people's reality!
Teachers put children into groups of similar ability, sometimes they stream or set for different subjects.
But at least this means that children can work hard and achieve and move up the groups. If they are bad at maths and English they might excel at something else. But putting them in a school with no high ability children, with a really disproportionally high number of deprived children and all the problems that brings, means they have very little chance of achieving well at all.

I'm not offended by these comments, I just think they reflect the fact that some people are a bit dim!

I assume you were someone who was also educated in a fantasy land?

I'm not offended by these comments, I just think they reflect the fact that some people are a bit dim!

Do you think posters who write off all privately educated people as arrogant, entitled poshos are also a bit dim?

Yes of course.

Only some are posh and only some are arrogant and entitled. I was at university with lots of privately educated people. Some were very lovely and we remain close friends today. Some were arrogant tossers.

Apparently so. My education must have been in my imagination, I presume. At least until I got to Cambridge and could finally learn alongside some clever people.

@MarshaMarshaMarshmellow

I'd assume that most children are barely aware of the existence of private school children, because by definition they don't normally encounter them. It's only as you grow up that you become aware of this group of people

Well, my children go to private schools and encounter children from state schools very regularly and are friends with them! This is through sports clubs and other activities. Neither group is bothered about where the other goes to school.

Most of my friends’ children don’t go to private schools either. I don’t move in some sort of exclusive ‘private school only’ circles!

The divisions I see in society are not based on whether you/ your children access private or state school (I’m not including those schools like Eton that are a completely different ball game). Most people I mix with are comfortable middle class families with aspirations but their kids don’t go to private school. I can only afford it because I work there!

Ah... To be fair, when I was at primary school, I'm was largely not mixing with "comfortable middle class families with aspirations". It wasn't a rough area, but it was a modest one, let's say. I'm sure there are other areas where it's more normal and not such a stark divide.

My state educated dd encountered lots of privately educated kids.

Some were friends from primary school who went private for secondary. Some did the same extracurricular stuff as she did. Some went to the same parties etc in sixth form. I agree that there is a lot of mixing.

It's home educate.

I'm in the opposite situation. My son is in private as DH works overseas so an international school is funded, we cannot use local schools. I wouldn't put him in state at home, he wouldn't thrive. But I wouldn't put him in private in UK either I don't think, even if I had the money, which I don't. We are going to go back to home ed in a few months.

I agree that there is a lot of mixing.

My dd went to a small prep school from where the secondary destinations were mostly the comprehensive school and public school which are in the same town, and then various other schools both state and private in the area.
My dd went to the public school and saw a friend from prep school who was now at the comprehensive. Dd greeted her warmly but her ‘friend’ walked past completely ignoring her.
Apparently anyone at the comprehensive is forbidden to speak to anyone they know at the public school, and this girl evidently didn’t have the courage to ignore this diktat.
So, although it may have been the case for the pp who claimed not to know about private schools when she was young, it isn’t the case for all - not by a long chalk.

That's a shame. My dd is still good friends with primary school friends who went private for secondary, and with a couple of privately educated girls who were in her drama group etc. I think she's a bit bemused as to why some parents choose to pay the extortionate fees when she sees no obvious benefit, but I don't think it has ever occurred to her to hold it against the kids themselves.

That's a shame.

Yes, I agree. However all our family are involved in a sport which has a mixture of all backgrounds so private/state schooling is neither here nor there as the common denominator is the sport.