Be honest - would you send DC private if you could?

[Naptrappedmummy]

If your DC is at a state school and you were offered free places for them at the local indie, would you accept? If so, why? If not, why not?

YANBU - Yes I would send them private
YABU - No I wouldn’t send them private

Me - yes I would, in a heartbeat (DD at state primary).

I could and did

No, because of the commute involved.

We could afford private but made a conscious decision to go for state. We didn’t move into a better catchment area either - we live in a city & dc go to the local schools. Academically they are the kind of dc who would do well wherever they went. I’m sure they would get a lot out of private education - the thing that we’ve found hardest to replicate is the sports opportunities. However i also think they get a HUGE amount out of being part of and understanding their local community. Their privately educated peers (many of our friends did choose private education) just do not have the same levels of empathy or understanding of equity. They don’t need to, because they are not privy to the disadvantage that exists in our society. I want my dc to be great humans and I think they get that better from mixing more widely.

i would abolish private schools altogether if I had the choice!

Because me not sending DD to grammar school isn't going to change the system, is it. The school exists. I'd have been seriously cutting off my nose to spite my face if I'd not sent her there. My job as a parent is to give her the very best opportunities I can

This is like saying ‘I don’t believe in abortion but had one because that was the right decision for me at the time’. It’s completely irreconcilable. What you mean is, I disagree with it when it comes to other people but believe in it it when it serves and benefits me.

My kids are in their late 40’s now, but, yes, if we could have afforded it, we would have sent them to private schools.

We couldn’t afford it, so had to rely on private tutors to make sure they passed their exams.

Which they did, and they have done well with their careers.👍

No, because I'm ideologically opposed to them. I will send my kids to the local secondary which has a good mix of children from the local community. I wouldn't move into the catchment of a good secondary either, if the reason was just to move to a school with less poor people in it, which is what it often means.

But it's not about what serves and benefits me, this is about my child. It wouldn't be fair to take away opportunities from her because of what I believe in.

If I could switch to an alternative reality where grammar schools didn't exist, and our local comprehensive was better as a result because the brightest kids hadn't been creamed off, I would switch to that reality.

But we're not in that reality. My child is disadvantaged as it is due to being autistic - there's no way I would have further disadvantaged her just because I don't believe in the current system which isn't going anywhere.

So yes, it's hypocritical I know, but life isn't black and white.

I could afford to but I don’t. I went to state school, as did my husband, and we (and lots of my friends) are in the professions that a poster said could only come from private school on the other thread. I was the first person in my family to go to university and I want my children to socialise with everyone and not just a moneyed minority.

But you would expect others to take opportunities away from their DC to create the kind of school system you purport to believe in wouldn’t you?

This is the same for us!

i would abolish private schools altogether if I had the choice!

Familiaritybreeds would you also abolish tutoring and grammar schools which also give an unfair advantage?
What about international schools?

Well no, because if the grammar school system didn't exist there wouldn't be those opportunities to take away?

I'm not sure why you're keen on picking me apart on this - I said in my first reply that I know it's hypocritical. I'll always put my child ahead of my own beliefs if I think it's in their best interest.

Grammar schools yes or if they’re going to exist they need to exist everywhere. And I’d want tutoring accounted for in the testing process somehow so it was less easy to coach for or scores were adjusted to account for coaching.

Tutoring is trickier because it is in theory more accessible however you’re right it is still a way of buying advantage. Differently though I think - particularly if you didn’t have any selective schools.

International schools - I wasn’t thinking worldwide tbh! I can see a place for them where families are relocating but want their children to continue with the same curriculum.

What’s your view?

What’s your view?

My view is improve state schools rather than punish private schools.
If private schools are unfair, then it’s equally unfair that some people have the opportunity to go to excellent state schools and some don’t. As you say, tutoring is also a way of buying advantage.

There are a number of International schools in UK which are the ones I was referring to in my post. They mostly teach a bilingual curriculum and IB - French & English, Italian & English, German & Englsih and so on. There used to be a Russian school but I’m not sure if that exists. They mostly charge substantial fees.

I tend to think that the more people invested in a system, the better it does. I’m not seeing it as ‘punishing’ anyone - I just believe that the best way for the state system to be truly improved is for everyone to be invested in it. Yes, inequality exists. Of course it does and you can never completely eliminate it - some children are born to drug addicted parents with zero education, some to drug addicted parents with lots of education, some to tertiary level educated parents with histories of abuse, some to wealthy but distant parents, some to perfect parents like me 😉 - completely levelling the playing field is hugely challenging. However, if everyone (including Rishi & his buddies) knew that their child would go to the state funded school down the road…funding would be better for a start! Along with a real desire for improvement. As long as there is a choice to opt out, there is less incentive to properly develop state education to a high level.

Along with a real desire for improvement. As long as there is a choice to opt out, there is less incentive to properly develop state education to a high level.

I would love to revisit this thread in ten years time and see what has or hasn’t happened during that time.

And actually seeing it as punishing smacks rather of ‘it’s not fair if I can’t buy advantage for my dc. My wealth should give me an advantage.’ Which rather proves the point of the inequality - would you describe the dc who have no chance of ever attending private school as being ‘punished’? And if so don’t you want to change that? Or it’s ok for some dc to be ‘punished’ as long as it’s not yours?

Inequality is hard. We are naturally wired to do the best for our dc. I just happen to believe that best in the long term for society as a whole isn’t about sectioning off part of that society and shielding them from reality.

Hear, hear.

No, I wouldn't. I'd hire tutors if he was struggling at state school but I think mixing with people from all walks of life is just as important aa academic education. Private school is a privileged bubble. And yes, if you have thousands spare a year to send your children private you ARE privileged, even if you drive an old banger and have no foreign holidays.

Unfortunately I think more of the same except with even fewer teachers so bigger classes, fewer subjects on offer etc. And a poorer society as a result as fewer people are fully educated in an all-round way.

And if so don’t you want to change that? Or it’s ok for some dc to be ‘punished’ as long as it’s not yours?

Do you think its ok for some state school children to be ‘punished’ because they have to go to poor state schools whereas some children who live in a good catchment area get to go to a good one?
You say you’d like to abolish private education:
Many private schools depend on overseas pupils so what about my suggestion on another thread that overseas pupils be banned from UK private schools?
This would cause many to close.

I would love to revisit this thread in ten years time and see what has or hasn’t happened during that time.

Unfortunately I think more of the same except with even fewer teachers so bigger classes, fewer subjects on offer etc. And a poorer society as a result as fewer people are fully educated in an all-round way.

Surely though, if Labour get in, they’ve promised to really improve education for all?

No. I don't think it would give them a good grounding. If I had the money for this I would rather it went on adventures/extracurriculars.

No. Life isn't intrinsically fair. Everybody had to pass an entrance exam and there were several scholarships available. I grew up in poverty and certainly wasn't at any advantage because of wealth.