Be honest - would you send DC private if you could?

[Naptrappedmummy]

If your DC is at a state school and you were offered free places for them at the local indie, would you accept? If so, why? If not, why not?

YANBU - Yes I would send them private
YABU - No I wouldn’t send them private

Me - yes I would, in a heartbeat (DD at state primary).

I did and I wouldn’t do it again. Well not with that child anyway.

They will do, in life and in the work place. They need to learn to judge people on their actions and not what school they attended.

And if their actions are impacted by the type of school they attended?

I think that’s a sentiment worth passing along to the parents with DC in private school, to be perfectly honest.

If the school was better than my local state, sure.

I don't love private schools and the impact on education as a whole. But I recognise they exist. I went to private school and while it was great, I think a lot of the "advantages" can be replicated by external clubs etc. And there is something very lovely about attending the local school and being a part of the community in a way I never was.

But I also paid a lot of money to move to an area with excellent schools when I had children, which i think is common. If I had stayed in my old area I would have definitely gone private as the schools were terrible. The "private school never" people I have met often live in areas with better schools, so it is much easier to say - I don't see why it's morally superior to spend hundreds of thousands on housing in a "better" area than spending it on school fees. It ends up being just another kind of wealth division

No, I wouldn't have sent dd to any of the local private schools, because none of them offer anything that I value which isn't already on offer at the state schools. We could have afforded it but we preferred the local state options.

We were lucky enough to be able to buy a house in the catchment of an absolutely amazing state primary school. The state secondary schools in this area are all pretty average but having visited the various private options, we felt that the state schools offered a comparable quality of education and a much more diverse cohort, just much less flashy facilities.

No regrets about our choices. A few of dd's primary school friends went private for secondary, and it made no difference to their happiness or overall outcomes.

So you pretty much did the same as a private school parent and spent money to access a school of your choice.

At primary level, yes. We had to move to a completely new area when dd was 3 because of my job, and I would be lying if I said that we didn't look at school catchments when deciding to buy our house. We didn't move specifically for that purpose though.

At secondary level, no. We weren't sure if dd would get into our preferred school initially, because it was oversubscribed and we were right on the edge of the catchment area, which is one of the reasons that we looked at the private options. We decided against private, because we didn't feel that the advantages offered by the private schools were things that we valued. We could have moved closer to our preferred state school, as many parents do, I suppose, but this wasn't something that we seriously considered. Initially, dd didn't get into either our first or second choices of secondary school, and we faced with the prospect of having to send her to a third school that we really weren't keen on. I think she would have been fine in that school, honestly. Fortunately, though, she was subsequently admitted to our preferred school from the waiting list.

I appreciate that different parents will make different decisions...we all do what we think is best for our kids. I genuinely believe in the value of a comprehensive education system, and I did really want dd to be in that kind of environment, but I also had the luxury of knowing that she was the type of kid who would thrive in any environment. Some kids wouldn't, and their parents will inevitably make different choices.

Oh the irony here is quite amusing

Ds1 is at an excellent grammar so no I'd leave him there as he's year 10 now anyway.

Ds2 in year 8 - at a failing comp 2 bus journeys away - so yes I'd send him private if money was no object!

Dd is in primary and I'm happy with it as we can walk and she has local friends so I'd leave her there and reassess depending if she got into grammar!

What do you mean?
isn’t it something we all want to teach our children? Mine are at state and there’s no hope of private so I have no axe to grind.

No. Didn't need to, local Catholic school is one of the best. Ds1 has finished there and I was very happy indeed, ds2 still there.

No. We have excellent Grammar schools locally and a few not so great private schools.

Locally, I don't think there would be any advantage.

DH looked at relocating to his home town once and there, we would definitely have gone private.

This.

My 3 kids all went to the local state schools. They are all in their 30s now. They are all in stable relationships, have professional careers and own their own homes. They all still have at least one close friend that they met in YrR who they see regularly!
I don't think their lives would be enhanced in any way if they attended private schools

Never, because the grammar DD is at is streets ahead of any private school locally.

I would.

I went to a number of private schools myself and several opportunities that I would never have had in a state school. Better facilities, smaller classes, wider range of extra activities.

Just some of the things I benefited from at private school, over 20 years ago so aware things may have changed to vastly improve state schools now;
Played hockey, cricket and tennis for my county
I had an immense talent for engineering and mechanics which was recognised at an early age and I extra sessions were arranged for me at a nearby college to learn mechanics. I also spent 2 weeks at JCB on a sort of internship.
Had swimming coaching before school twice a week when learning to swim and then when improving my skills.
Learned 2 musical instruments (1 as part of the standard curriculum)
Was head of the debating team, and debated against schools nationally and internationally.
Took part in our Amnesty and SVP groups, spending time with asylum seekers, prisoners and other vulnerable people in volunteering capacities.
We had a huge pneumatics and electronics lab, so I was very proficient in programming at a young age.
Many trips for sporting events, music and plays.
Small classes (25 typically, but sometimes smaller) so lots of 1:1 time.
Excellent facilities so breaks were occupied by sports, art or engineering mostly for me. Sometimes chess, or one of the groups I was a member of.
Nobody was expected to be academically brilliant, and all types of successes were celebrated.

I earned a full scholarship, and was by far the least well off of my friends.

And it doesn’t strike you that this being available only to some 7% of the population is wildly unethical and perpetuates inequality in an increasingly riven society?

So what?

I could probably give you an equally long list of things I benefited from at my state comprehensive. I don't really understand the point of your post.

It just makes you sound a bit smug tbh.

Did you read my post? In DD's case it was a disability accommodation. She should have received support at school but didn't. She is now a bog standard student as a result. Rather than failing and calling herself 'stupid'.

Being able to pay is a privilege over people who can't. But I doubt you'd say my friend who bought a nicer wheelchair or better glasses for her child with disabilities is priviledged.

The grammar system is very unfair. I think faith schools are unfair too. You cannot remove all advantages but the state actively perpetuates it in by allowing some grammar school areas.

I actually completely agree with you. I know that makes me seem a hypocrite but I had to put DD's education ahead of my beliefs.

No, I taught in my local prep school and sent my DC to the local primary school.
They went to a good primary and an outstanding comprehensive.
The prep was very medicore in comparison.
Just as all state schools are not the same or equal nor are all independents.

I actually completely agree with you. I know that makes me seem a hypocrite but I had to put DD's education ahead of my beliefs.

Gluggle why bother to have beliefs if you’re not going to stick to them?