Is this child abuse?

[Hah20]

DS who is 2 years old has a habit of trying to scratch DH in the face. In the past DS has got a big reaction from him for doing this. I believe this is why DS repeats the behaviour.
Today this happened and DH pushed DS off him, he fell backwards and was very upset,bumped his head but with no lump. I just want some opinions. Was that just rubbish parenting or is this classed as physical abuse?
I am very much of the gentle parenting approach and am horrified by what happened, but not sure what to do. I told DH in no uncertain terms that what happened wasn't okay and he disappeared in a sulk for the rest of the day.so we are yet to have a proper discussion.

Yes

He probably just meant to push him away, not over. I'll push mine away if they are hurting me.

Do you believe this happens when you are not there?
I might be inclined to think it was a one off but keep an eye on things. Not acceptable to ever physically punish a child. Was it a reflex reaction? Hopefully it was an accident and he will be more careful not to react in this way again. Good you stood up for your child.

Wtf. I can't believe you need to ask this. He has one parent who is abusive and another who apparently needs to ask strangers online whether it's OK for a parent to push a toddler so that they bang their head.

Poor little boy. This is massively worrying.

DS shouldn’t scratch. I can’t see how DH can help pushing him away when he’s momentarily reacting instinctually. DS is more than old enough to learn very quickly not to scratch, and to know that it’s wrong. Is DH actually choosing to be rough? What discipline are you laying down for DS purposely hurting someone?

I mean, obviously it ended horribly, but was it intended as a physical punishment? Or did ds hurt his dad, who instinctively pushed him as a reflex?

Yes, he said he meant to push him away not over, but I didn't actually see what happened so I don't know what force he used. I only saw him fall backwards.
I said to DH that he should have just stood up out of his reach.

I would be worried. Whether it was a push away that went wrong or a deliberate shove, it still had the same consequences. What is he usually like, is he short tempered?

They never really have 1:1 time

Does your son get told off for scratching people in the face?

DH may have been acting instinctually and it went a bit wrong.

He doesn’t have ‘one parent who’s abusive’. Dear God. He’s scratching DH and DH pushes him away. It would be abusive to expect DH to be scratched to ribbons so a TWO year old can just act however he wants. People who screech ‘child abuse’ over family accidents make me sick, as they minimise actual abuse. Teach your kid some consequences to being violent. It’s on the mum to prove to the DH that his feelings in this matter too.

I think he doesn’t know how to put boundaries in place for a 2 year old, rather than child abuse. No injury caused. He needs to learn some strategies. A lot of councils offer the solihull parenting course online, which would be useful for him.

No. It's not good, but was he raised by parents who had a bite 'em back mentality? Could he have been hurt or startled by being scratched?

I don't really like your laissez-faire attitude to the scratching either. He might be 2, but he shouldn't be allowed to hit or scratch or injure anyone, without an appropriate consequence. I agree your DH did not provide one though.

My eldest went through a stage of trying to bite me on my face. She once did it and completely instinctively I pushed her - she fell off the sofa we were on. She was probably about 18mo.

I felt completely awful and immediately cuddled her and said I was sorry. DH didn’t harangue me as he saw the whole thing.

Depending on how your DH reacted I don’t see this as abuse.

Stop your child from scratching people.

He shouldn’t have just stood up out of his reach. He should have disciplined DS for being violent. Your failure to discipline and your ridiculous attack on DH for an accident will do far more damage than being shoved too hard. To their relationship and yours. Tread carefully with your overdramatising.

Thank you for your message. I do want to Support DH who doesn't have any prior experience with children but also need DS to know that it's never okay to push or be pushed

Or scratch or be scratched, which you seem to be absolutely oblivious to.

If somebody was scratching me in the face I’d instinctively push them away, within reason. If he pulled away and it accidentally led your son to bang his head, I’d see it as a these things happen situation. If he disproportionately shoved him violently against a wall or door, that’s a different thing entirely. If you didn’t see it, you can only go on previous experience and the circumstances.

Before you jump to conclusions, there's a massive difference between:

• child is repeatedly lunging forward and scratching adult's face, so adult puts hands up to block, child collides with the hands, loses balance, and falls

• adult is scratched on the face, sees red and shoves child in retaliation, child falls

There are also probably several possible scenarios that are somewhere in between the two as well. Probably best to find out which it is before assuming abuse.

It’s not ideal but it is to a degree a natural reaction.

but you seem to have the type of parenting which has no boundaries so he won’t learn not to scratch while it’s still ignored

Yes it's abuse.

I've had 3 kids. they've come at me with all sorts in the past, big plastic bats, all sorts. I covered my face or put my hand out to get hold of their arm and stopped them that way.

I never once pushed them so hard that they fell backwards and banged their head, and my kids were feral!

If someone is going to scratch my fave I'd push them away.

'need DS to know that it's never okay to push or be pushed' - if you go to hurt someone by scratching them they will push you.

What do you do when he scratches someone? Mine would have been on time out or put into their room for a couple of mins

If my child scratched my face I'd probably push their hands away too.
If they then fell over I'd feel awful but you need to teach your child its not OK to scratch people.

Yeah, we are working on that. Just feel like instances like this make it harder. Children learn through watching what their parents do. So as much as we say don't push/ scratch/ kick,if they see a parent doing it it's not helpful.