Is this child abuse?

[Hah20]

DS who is 2 years old has a habit of trying to scratch DH in the face. In the past DS has got a big reaction from him for doing this. I believe this is why DS repeats the behaviour.
Today this happened and DH pushed DS off him, he fell backwards and was very upset,bumped his head but with no lump. I just want some opinions. Was that just rubbish parenting or is this classed as physical abuse?
I am very much of the gentle parenting approach and am horrified by what happened, but not sure what to do. I told DH in no uncertain terms that what happened wasn't okay and he disappeared in a sulk for the rest of the day.so we are yet to have a proper discussion.

I think that some info is missing. Did he just react and push him away and 2yo slipped? Or did he intentionally push him in anger?

So who does your son see scratching then?

So who scratches who in the face then?
Children learn through watching what their parents do.

They also learn by being told when their behaviour isn't acceptable.

Why does DS have a habit of trying to scratch your husband in the face?

but also need DS to know that it's never okay to push or be pushed

Sometimes it's ok to push.

If someone is in your space, intimidating you it is ok to push them away so that you can put distance between you/get out of the situation. It's actually thought in self-defense classes. I don't think I would have pushed the toddler, but I would have caught his arms firmly and told him "no" in a strong voice.

Gentle parenting is ok - but sometimes a child needs to know, without doubt, that they've hurt someone and it's not ok.

It is all in this interaction, and you didn’t see it. I would physically hold back my child if they were attempting to scratch me. If they were coming towards me and I held out my arm, they would recoil like a push. I’d never want them to be hurt them, but young children can be quite unsteady.

You have bigger issues if your child is hurt with their other parent and you make an assumption they’ve acted out of hand, rather than your child being clumsy. That would never be my first conclusion. Think about that.

No, not child abuse

Sounds like DS hurt his dad who acted instinctively but didn’t realise his own strength.

Your toddler should be getting told off for scratching people in the face.

What's being done about that?

I don’t teach my kids it’s never ok to push someone away. In fact, that is exactly what I tell them to do. If someone is trying to punch/kick/hit/scratch them and they can’t move away then I tell them to push the person away from them. Not hit back but push them away.

my 14 year old son was recently being bullied by an older kid who kept punching him in the stomach. Repeated fast punches to the stomach while he was sitting down usually. I told ds to block the punches and push him away and that was totally fine to do that. He knows how to block punches he’s a martial arts black belt. He was just scared of getting in trouble if he did anything so he just kept trying to move away with this little arsehole following him.

It’s a bigger picture. If my DH told me it was an accident and he was pushing him away I would believe him as he never lifts a finger to anyone. You are questioning force and if he has done it deliberately which suggests he has a temper or has been physical in the past. You are asking if it’s abuse: reading between the lines in your posts, you think it is. Was your DH upset/sorry that he had hurt your DS? That’s also very telling if he wasn’t.

If you know your partner well surely you would know if he's an abusive person. I agree with majority of PP, it's instinct to push away when being scratched in the face. The fact your child fell over is just unfortunate. You need to have your partners back a little more I'd say and learn that child not to scratch.

Does your version of “gentle parenting” mean that when he scratches someone you say “Gentle hands” in a wee sing song voice…and nothing else….

DH shouldn't push. DH is old enough to learn that he shouldn't push... etc.

Ffs, OP's h is an adult. Please don't expect more from a 2yo than you do from an actual man. 🙄🙄

Tbh I think it was rubbish parenting / not ideal parenting and the people calling this abuse are being completely rediculous unless this kind of reaction is a frequent thing in your household.

It sounds like your husband got completely fed up of being hurt and acted to push the kid away to stop him hurting him but pushed to hard and your DS fell over. Not the best parenting for sure but he's not the only parent in the world that's done something poor or stupid in a moment reaction. I bet he feels bad about it now.

I think your DH should just apologise to your lad. You need to work on the scratching. Might be good for dad to spend some time bonding with your kid too as he might then find it easier to get so frustrated.

Actually if someone is physically attacking you then pushing them away is perfectly reasonable.

Your DS needs to be told not to scratch people. What if he does that to another child? That’s not on to just expect your husband to stand up out of reach. Parent your child. My DD went through a smacking and biting phase and she was firmly told NO and removed from the situation. It wasn’t acceptable behaviour and neither is scratching your DH. He obviously just pushed him off him and didn’t intend for him to fall- but either way the problem is your DS’ behaviour isn’t corrected.

"I said to DH that he should have just stood up out of his reach."

No that would be the wrong approach. It was your child who did something wrong, why should your DH move out of the way? He was right to push the child away. As you've said, he meant to push him away, not push him over. If someone was scratching my face I would do the same!
Gentle parenting is a feeble excuse here. Parent your child properly, teach him this is wrong.

I agree with this.

OP please work with your DH to teach your DS not to scratch, the children he's with at nursery and school with in the future will thank you.

It's possible your DH has acted instinctively and caused an accident. There's a big stretch between that and physical abuse, isn't there? And really only you know if DH is treading close to that line/is rough with him generally/doesn't know how to control himself as an adult should.

We ALL have parenting moments when we go 'wtf did that come from?' For me, it's shouting, I was brought up in a very shouty household and sometimes even know this shout comes out of me. I hate it and have worked very hard on it, but I'm not perfect. Neither is your DH, presumably. But people on the internet can't tell you what happened today and how worried to be about it.

Who's screeching?

Hard to know where to start with this ridiculous comment. A 2 year old scratching (or doing anything) is not abusive 🙄 An adult pushing a toddler off themselves so hard that they fall backwards and bang their head is absolutely abusive. It's not an accident. He pushed him, which is a deliberate action. It is not up to OP to pander to an aggressive man who can't control his temper with a baby and tell him "his feelings matter". He's an adult.

You have imagined the part where I said the toddler should be allowed to behave however he wants. I just don't think that being pushed and potentially injured is an appropriate way to discipline a 2 year old. Perhaps you disagree, in which case our ideas about how to safely raise children are poles apart and you're not worth entering into discussion with.

DH didn’t push on purpose most likely but instinctively. DM has been asked to establish if this is a pattern but so far it appears it was an accident. People SHOULD learn to push away when others are coming at them with the intention to hurt and this is a two year old, not a baby, so should have been taught the first few times it’s not acceptable. And the two year old fully intends to hurt. Why defend a violent kid and not the DH who blocked him? Or are you one of those mums? 🙄🙄

“I don't really like your laissez-faire attitude to the scratching either. He might be 2, but he shouldn't be allowed to hit or scratch or injure anyone, without an appropriate consequence. I agree your DH did not provide one though.”

^ Agree with all of this.

I mean the child is 2! Yes they can still hurt you by poking/scratching but I couldn’t push a two year old. I would however move away and say NO scratching, it hurts!

Exactly the sort of over dramatic, sleazy insinuations we’d expect from someone who feels DH is ‘abusive’ if he accidentally knocks over a kid who’s scratching his face.

You clearly have no experience with child abuse.

Maybe they were feral because you never pushed them away so they thought it was ok to continue hurting you?