To be pissed off the cake was cut before DE saw it?

[Ruinedcake]

DSrecently turned 3, and I had a party for him. I’m not very good at baking so paid for a local cake maker to bake a cake which tied in with his favourite colours and interests. As you can imagine, it wasn’t cheap.

The actual party went well but as the children were sitting eating DH and FIL started flapping around saying that they needed to cut the cake. I was trying to stop them but both are very difficult to distract when they get an idea in their heads, and I was also contending with various other things. So to cut a long story short they both cut it before DS has a chance to look at it.

I know it doesn’t ’matter’ really but I am annoyed.

I mean, honestly, it shouldn't matter if it's a big deal to your child--it's a big deal to you. You put thought and care into something, you asked someone you loved to give you a moment you had looked forward to, and he decided he knew better than you/your feelings weren't important enough to think about/whatever and did what he wanted instead. This wasn't a cake or a moment that he had sourced, designed, and imagined. It was something you had done.

It's not a big deal. But it sucks, and you're allowed to be mad and/or disappointed, and you're allowed to tell him exactly that.

You're taking umbrage at the posts about the lack of candles but seem to be ignroing how shit your husband was, why is his stupidity getting a free pass? How is he getting away with being so dense about how parties work?

You had a reason for not having candles, what's his reason for spoiling the rest of the cake related aspect of the party?

If the point to a cake is to eat it then why are you bothered that your ds didn't see it?

Sorry I still can't get, why you didn't have candles and sing happy birthday. What safety reasons? Unless your child had SN, or is very very scared of candles, (and most of your friends would already know this, and would know you have an alternative plan to candles) then all parties would have them.

Candles and singing Happy Birthday, they hadn't done the singing, if you'd forgotten the candles for example you wouldn't ditch the singing and not show the cake would you?

Sorry, two adults cut a small child's birthday cake without the child? What?

@VisionsOfSplendour I am not really taking umbrage but seriously, I don’t think there’s much to be gained by repeatedly observing that I’m a weird idiot.

I haven’t been to a kids birthday party since I was one. I was asked ‘do you want candles?’ I was caught wrong footed, briefly thought ‘DS + fire = shit!’ and said it was OK.

Now maybe I am a complete weirdo, freak, people whisper about me, my friends are all still talking about my weirdness at the party. That’s all possible. But - do we really need to keep telling me? Is it really that bad?

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

@comeagainx is not the only reader who found your description of your husband not daring to displease you questionable. I understand what you're saying now, but it didn't come across in your previous post.

The ubiquitous, throw-away "grow up" wasn't really necessary. I think you know that that's just a wind-up thing to say - or you would if you were truly grown up in spirit.

I was also wondering what “ blocking them from getting to the cake “ would have entailed OP! Sitting on it?! I’m sorry; it’s frustrating when you put in effort that doesn’t have a chance to be enjoyed as you’d have liked. It was a fun thing you did - and next year show dc the day before and only bring it out for the other children when you are ready. It sounds like you have some knife- happy family members!

I took umbrage at being accused of being controlling and aggressive. Which, as an assertive woman in a predominantly male career has been said regularly.

I genuinely can't understand how a grown man needs to be "distracted" from something because they can't understand and follow a "no, not yet" response from their partner. Baffles me. And why women put up with not being listened to by their so called partners. If they were true partners in life, they'd both know it would upset the other one. And they'd both be able to hit the roof with anger at being ignored without being accused of coercive control.

Once ‘Happy Birthday’ is sung and candles blown out (or not in your case) it is perfectly acceptable to cut the cake and give it to people who may be leaving early. Did your DS not see the cake when you were singing?

I've not passed any comment on the candles I'm more interested in the ineptitude of the male family members and why youre ignoring that aspect

I can’t get my head round two grown men getting involved and faffing over cutting a child’s cake before even singing happy birthday.
I have to admit I’d be furious, husband and FIL definitely wouldn’t make that mistake again when I’d finished 😂

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos
@comeagainx grow up,

LOL @ grow up. Hardly. As your explanation demonstrates.

The whole point of blowing out the candles is that the child/person makes a wish whilst they do it. At three the child probably wouldn't have understood that so it really doesn't matter OP. Next year however........,

Both are similar, they just won’t let go of an idea once it’s in their heads.

They both choose not to use self control. For their own selfish ends.
Something I dislike more and more as I age.

Just out of interest, and I may have missed it, but what did your DH say when you pointed out (in whatever manner) that your son hadn't yet seen his cake?
And that you'd told them to leave it?

And (ignoring candles) presentation of cake is usually accompanied by Happy Birthday. Did your DH miss that bit too?

Yes, I totally agree with you. I had the exact same reaction to the OP's scenario.

Why aren’t you answering people who are asking how you reacted at the time? And what your husbands response was?

Yanbu. How annoying of them

So you didn't know that you sing happy birthday, blow out candles and then cut a cake?

‘DS + fire = shit!’
3 candles on a cake for 10seconds do not make a fire.

Or maybe they do, possibly the OP was envisioning something like this😀

@Sherrystrull the precise, exact nature of what should happen had escaped me, yes. We didn’t play party games either. Sorry.

Surely the point of a fancy cake in the kids favourite colour/design/character etc is that the child gets to see the bloody thing?

Otherwise everyone would buy traybakes and pre slice them!

What sort of small childs birthday does NOT involve the cake being brought out, ooh-ed and ahh-ed over and THEN it's cut.

OP you're not wrong to be annoyed and I would point it out to DH that it was a fair waste of money to get a cake made and then hack it into bits before kid sees it and ask if he could perhaps listen in future?

As for the 'fire' thing - jesus christ people, can you not accept that someone elses kid is not the same as your kid?

My sister would grab at lit candles, she wanted to take the flame and... well parents didn't want to find out but I suspect she wanted to set fire to things. She's still quite happy to play with fire some 40 years down the line!

For some kids candles are no big deal, for others a single tiny flame = FIRE!