No inheritance because of pilot training

[Poily]

My brother is a pilot for a major airline in the UK. My parents were not able to borrow against their house to fund it so had to use pretty much all their savings. £150k was roughly what was spent.

Due to their failed business (folded just after Covid) they racked up massive loans trying to save their hospitality-related business. When they sell their house they won’t end up with much.

So I don’t know exactly how it works but some of that £150k ends up in a bond which the airline then pays out to my brother every month in his pay packet. But if my brother walks away from the airline he walks away from this bond also. It’s a lot of money. Gets paid over 7 years I think.

AIBU to think my brother should not quit his job and move to the Middle East (stupid salary) as he plans to do? He way paying that bond money to my parents.

Brother has said he will cover my parents bills. Great. Thats the right thing to do. But that cuts me out. As my parents were transferring the bond
money into a savings account for my kids.

AIBU?

Well, you are allowed to feel however you want but if my parents were struggling financially and going broke, what I'd feel would be really sorry for them and morally obligated to return to them any savings they had earmarked for my children. 🤷

What imbalance? The £150K was a loan that your brother has been repaying. You/your kids on the other hand have been receiving cash gifts every month, which you have no intention to repay. You're the one taking way more than your brother.

So, that’s 75k each?

At a rate of £700 a month, it will take your brother 9 years to pay back £75k, and that’s ignoring anything paid back already.

If your brother pays £700 as cash to your parents each month, how will your parents pay their rent and bills over those 9 years, if they set aside the repayments for you instead? Similarly, beyond those 9 years, what will happen then?

Also my parents are not destitute. I am not taking advantage of people with nothing. They offered the £700. Both have private pensions. Yes, they can’t maintain their previous lifestyle. But still go for meals out, concerts etc. More than I do at any rate!

Frankly, you and your brother are pretty damn entitled.

Can you explain why him paying £700 a month to them is worse than paying a significant amount more for their rent and bills etc? I'm feeling really stupid bit I'm struggling to understand why you feel there is an imbalance here. Surely he will be paying back the £150k (and more) this way. And if he had continued paying the £700 a month and there was £150k at the end, why would your children inherit the lot instead of your brother recieveing half?

Well what more can anyone say. You feel entitled to your parents money. 🤷 Unfortunately for you they aren't dead yet so you can't have it. Whatever if anything is left when they're dead you can fight over.

This.

I'm flouncing off the thread and unwatching now because I've known people like you in real life and it's disgusting and bad for my blood pressure. Three memorable ones were a) talking about taking money off their elderly parent as borrowing against the inheritance and b) picking up the parent's belongings and talking about who'd get what and what it was worth while the parent was in the next room and c) when their remaining parent did die, said that, and I quote " if he'd died 3 years ago the house would have sold for a lot more"

So I see you and I hope you get all the pennies you richly deserve out of them.

I think OP's just having a delayed reaction to the fact her parents who have always provided for 'kids' them/the brother/grandchildren are no longer wealthy or in that position & is upset it's her kids will grow up outside of the lifestyle she had (the decision to go it alone at uni but still get help when needed, support for pilot training, £700 a month in savings for her babies ect.)

Lots of people lose jobs, businesses, houses in their lifetime & thankfully your parents sound like good generous people who set themselves up well with a high earning son who will stand by them while building his own career.

As for the grief around it - & it is genuine grief for family members who experiance this sort of 'poverty' change - there is counciling & support out there

From my understanding the parents loaned ds £150,000 for his pilots training

The airline have been repaying this £150,000 money/bond whatever you want to call it at around £1700 per month and so far after about 4 years have repaid to ds £80,000

Except ds has been paying his parents back as £700 per month and keeping an extra £1000 to himself.

Now he wants to jack his job in, forget about repaying the other £116,000 because in a few years time he will build a house with an annexe for them and despite supposedly not having the money to pay for this dream property he is taking his parents to view houses he can’t afford in the hope they will forget about what he owes and they will live in rented for the foreseeable future with the dream of an annexe to keep them from thinking about what they could do if they had got paid back.

In the meantime, out of the goodness of his own heart (or the £116,000 he isn’t going to pay back) he is going to pay his parents rent and bills. Which will be more than £700. But I bet not more than £1000 per month (Don’t forget he has already been paid and not passed on a £1000 per month for the last 4 years)

Is nobody noticing the discrepancy

Everyone in this family is being unreasonable

The parents for depriving their creditors of money they are owed

The Ds for not repaying his parents

Op for taking £34,000 that should have gone to her parents creditors and still wanting an inheritance from her perfectly healthy parents

And the ds and his parents for wasting peoples time viewing properties they can’t afford and have no intention of buying

I am probably about the parents age and lost work and businesses in the pandemic.
Maybe I am different but if I had gone bankrupt then my first thought would be paying off creditors not trying to con them out of money they are owed.

I have been a creditor and it isn’t pleasant to lose 6 figures and look on as these people laugh about directing money owed to me and other creditors into family members bank accounts

We don’t know how much he has been paying back each month. The OP has said as much, she is guessing £700 as that’s what is paid for her children each month but like most of the figures she has just been guessing.

can you explain why you think it’s the inheritance? How would they live? They’d spend that on rent, surely?

why are you accepting £700 a month for your children while they are losing their home?! Why are you bloody whining about your inheritance when you are receiving it now via your children.

you have chosen to have children, be a SAHM and you don’t do anything to help your parents yet your brother is being criticised?

if you were my daughter, I’d withdraw the £700 a month immediately. So ungrateful and money grabbing.

*Sirzy · Today 12:53

We don’t know how much he has been paying back each month. The OP has said as much, she is guessing £700 as that’s what is paid for her children each month but like most of the figures she has just been guessing*

They have been declared bankrupt so we do know that the ds has been only repaying £700 per month which has I presume gone straight into grandchildren’s bank account because if he had paid his parents then none of it would have gone into the gcs bank account. It would have gone to who ever was dealing with the bankruptcy and paying off creditors.

The guessing on the other figures seem to add up to what he has been paid back through the airline

There’s no discrepancy. We have no idea how much is being repaid each month. OP assumes it’s £700 because that’s how much was being set aside for her children.

The brother will continue repayments. But rather than giving to parents who will give to landlord, he’s giving direct to landlord. I suspect that’s to allow their parents to claim benefits so that the don’t have to declare £700 being paid into their account each month which will exceed the £6k savings limit.

If the bond was being repaid over 7 years, and its already been 4 of those years then over half the bond has been repaid back. You parents may therefore consider the half that's been paid back to be "yours" and the other half to be your brothers

The fact you are moaning when over half has already been paid back makes it sound like you think the whole of it should be "yours"

I'm confused.

Your parents gave your DB ~ £150k.
He is paying them back and will be providing care when they live with him in later life.

So that cancels out the £150k as it's being paid back.

Why should you/your kids get money from your parents? Wouldn't that be unfair on your brother?

We’ve been generous with our children. We’ve gifted each of them a house deposit and helped them out with interest free loans. They know that if they’re ever in need they can turn to us. BUT DH and I always say that if any of them ever became expectant or grabby, or felt they were entitled to OUR money, they wouldn’t see another penny while we’re alive or dead. I would be heartbroken if my kids behaved like this.

But your brother is paying back the £150k. I'm struggling to see why you think he is winning and you are losing.
At the end of the day he will have paid back the money so hasn't had an inheritance. He will house them until their end time which will end up costing him more than he borrowed in bills, council tax etc. Your dc have some tens of thousands.

Why do you feel he has something you don't?

I know my brother is doing a good thing caring for them but I am allowed to feel aggrieved by the imbalance of it all
By 'imbalance' I assume you mean your brother doing everything to take care of your parents whilst you do fuck all?
Your parents have been subsidising YOUR life choices, handsomely, for long enough don't you think? Their circumstances have changed and all you can do is bang on about not having extra money come your way anymore 🙄

I'm also flouncing off this thread, OP, but not because you're a grabby and entitled individual.

It's because despite five different posts explaining to you how to quote when you're replying to people, you're still writing random posts, which make no sense, throughout your thread, and my autistic brain can't cope with that anymore.

If they can't maintain this lifestyle, then refuse this money.

My parents are financially stable, private pensions etc. I wouldn't dream of accepting this amount for my DC for them. As I said, we settled on £10 a month, which I have saved for them.

Tell them to keep their money, they worked hard for it, and that you will take care of your grandchildren. That might help them sort out their living arrangements.

I know my brother is doing a good thing caring for them

Why do they need caring for. Are they infirm.
Why have they gone from business owners to not being able to take care of themselves in 4 years

Why didn’t they have a Limited company? That way they wouldn’t have lost the house

Pretty much this.

TheShellBeach
*I'm also flouncing off this thread, OP, but not because you're a grabby and entitled individual.

It's because despite five different posts explaining to you how to quote when you're replying to people, you're still writing random posts, which make no sense, throughout your thread, and my autistic brain can't cope with that anymore*

Maybe she can’t use the quote function because like me her phone is too old to have the latest updates on it

How to tell someone you have a newer phone without saying you have a newer phone😄