No inheritance because of pilot training

[Poily]

My brother is a pilot for a major airline in the UK. My parents were not able to borrow against their house to fund it so had to use pretty much all their savings. £150k was roughly what was spent.

Due to their failed business (folded just after Covid) they racked up massive loans trying to save their hospitality-related business. When they sell their house they won’t end up with much.

So I don’t know exactly how it works but some of that £150k ends up in a bond which the airline then pays out to my brother every month in his pay packet. But if my brother walks away from the airline he walks away from this bond also. It’s a lot of money. Gets paid over 7 years I think.

AIBU to think my brother should not quit his job and move to the Middle East (stupid salary) as he plans to do? He way paying that bond money to my parents.

Brother has said he will cover my parents bills. Great. Thats the right thing to do. But that cuts me out. As my parents were transferring the bond
money into a savings account for my kids.

AIBU?

Your parents lent money to your brother, as long as he keeps paying it back from his new (high) salary then I can’t see what difference it makes.
pic your parents want to continue / stop saving those repayments or any other money of theirs for your children that’s separate.

It's your parents money that you have no right to whatsoever. How lovely for them to have a child rubbing their hands together and waiting for them to die. Make your own money.

I don't see how it makes any difference, if he's going to continue giving them money.

He gives them money, or pays their bills. Either way they have £x more, so can continue putting money wherever they want to.

If he pays the same amount as he does now, or more if he's being paid more, what is changing?

This is true, but let's hope the DB means it about funding the parents' care if necessary and that he'd shoulder the main responsibility of getting it in place

That may not be easy from abroad, but while "expecting" an inheritance may not be reasonable, neither is hoping that the in-situ daughter will drop everything to pick up the pieces if it comes to it

I think you need to speak to your brother, he might not be aware of the impact on your kids.

Have you heard yourself? This is your parents money not your inheritance! Jesus wept!

But it is not an inheritance, it is your parents money until they die

Parents rent and bills will be more than £700.

YABVU as inheritance is not something you are entitled to

Make your own money and don’t rely on anybody else’s

I understand what you are saying. Your brother has received £150k from yiur parents, with this being paid back (it's not clear how much of it is though) monthly to yiur borhtrr now he is a pilot with the airline he paid for his training at.

Your brother is giving your parents this money every month as he is repaying the amount they gave him.

Your parents are investing this money each month for your children (I suspect to try & even out the money your brother had from them as they won't be getting all of it back from him).

Your brother has now decided that he doesn't want to stay with the airline that is paying his training money back so your parents won't be getting their investment back from him.

Instead, your brother wants to stop paying the money your parent invested in him and will pay their living costs instead. I suspect that their living costs are much less than the payment is he currently getting each month.

What this means is that your parents will no longer receive as much money from your brother & therefore will stop investing for your children.

Overall your brother will have received an extremely large sum of money from them & you will not.

If my understanding is correct than I wouldn't be happy either. Your brother needs to continue paying them exactly the same money that they are currently getting from his airline for the length of time it was available for - you said 7 years. Has he been asked if he can do this?

You might not agree with what your parents are doing but it’s not your money to decide what to do with.

he isn’t just walking away from the responsibility by the sound of it. He is trying to come up with a plan to help them live given their unfortunate change of circumstances. If they are in a position whereby they need the money owed for covering rent and living then expecting them to save it for you/your children is rediculous anyway.

Why should my brother’s choice of repayment negatively impact my kids?

Also OP, you mention that he should not move to the middle east with a stupid salary. I assume you mean stupidly large salary?
Could he pay your parents back with that stupidly large salary?

How much money is in the bond for your kids currently?

Ok. So seeing as it’s not your money, and nothing to do with, what’s your issue? Do you want to control your parents lives/actions/brothers job because you want a nice payout when they die? Focus on improving your own earnings and savings for your children if it’s important to you, instead of getting your knickers in a twist because others people’s unfortunate life circumstances has led to their situations not being so good that they can still afford the hundreds of thousands of pounds that you had your eye on

He should fulfill his commitment first, and pay them back. If this is his method of paying them back, then it is up to them what they do with it.

It’s not your money, it’s their money. How do they feel about your brother moving to a new job?

Why should you expect your parents money to go to your kids? They’ve decided that they’d prefer their rent and bills to be paid, presumably to give them a good retirement, then to save the money. They’re entitled to spend their own money on making themselves comfortable in retirement.

You will get some kicks here, but I feel you if they are playing favourites, and you can't help but feel second best.

Because your children aren’t entitled to an inheritance. Nobody is.

he is paying £700 to your parents. But that is what they need to live on. Would you really rather they saved it for your child impacting on their own living standards?

You said

my parents were transferring the bond
money into a savings account for my kids

Not really.

They were receiving money from your brother.

They were also putting money into this account.

At the same time, they were using other money to pay rent and bills.

Now that other money is not needed for rent and bills. They still have spare money.

So why do you assume that they will stop putting money into the savings account?

I always tell my mum to spend her money while she is here (she’s healthy young and still works but talks about it too much.)

If she wanted me or DB to get into our dream career that means so much more that she could watch that happen than her leaving some money once she’s gone. Like PP said inheritance isn’t a birth right.

Completely agree with this. Whilst we don’t know what job OP has, given £150k for additional training/studying would be hugely beneficial to anyone’s career (and therefore earning potential). It’s very unfair for one child to have that opportunity and not the other.

You're getting slayed because you have referred to your parents money as your inheritance, which it isn't. It sounds as though they need the money for themselves, to offset their significant debts!

However, if I understand correctly your parents have effectively gifted your brother up to £150k and given you nothing or substantially less. That is unequal treatment and bound to cause you difficult / resentful feelings.

Surely this is about how your brother intends to repay your parents? Does it matter if he takes a job elsewhere so long as he continues to repay at the original planned rate (7 years?). What exactly are his intentions?

For better or worse, this is between your brother and your parents. You just have to accept their arrangements, whatever they are. I don't think it's unreasonable to tell them how you feel, and I also think that many people would distance themselves from parents who treat a sibling preferentially to the tune of £150k without any kind of acknowledgement.

Because it’s not your bloody money!! I can’t actually believe your cheek and entitlement! Your children aren’t ’negatively affected’ because your parents business went tits up and your brother changed his job, going by their recent circumstances they weren’t getting that money anyway. If I was one of your parents and I saw the way you were writing about them on here, you and your children wouldn’t be getting a penny, whether I had one or not!