DH gravely ill - I have no sympathy

[DeBuugs]

This is half light hearted and half a vent.

We have two young children who still wake up a lot at night. DH never does any of the nights - he got himself into a nice little position where the kids only want me. I really feel the lack of sleep creeping on me and has been for a while.

DH has been sick with cold for quite a while now. He walks around all huffing, looking like he is about to faint and when he talks to me talks supper quiet and his speech breaks up - you know where I’m going with this. Like someone acting for their boss when calling in sick 🤣.

I gave him no sympathy since he announced he had a cold (I was sick then myself) and I think we have a stand off here and he will be sulking acting like he is about to die until I acknowledge his extremely bad cold. I have no intention to do so.

If any men comment on here please say that you are a man if you don’t mind. Interested to hear male comments 😊

Mine's definitely got Munchausen's by Marriage (even though we aren't actually married) ... I'm 55, was complaining recently about hot flushes...and he tried to say he was having them too!

After nearly 15 years of him doing this with every single fucking thing (including period pains) I went berserk. He's also bloody useless when I am ill (which isn't that often), all he does is make more mess for me to clear up!

I blame his mother, she was the biggest hypochondriac going, it was ridiculous. But bizarrely it ended up causing her unexpected death, because she'd 'cried wolf' so often no one took it seriously...she ended up with a perforated bowel and didn't survive the operation. Post-mortem showed a massive tumour on one of her ovaries.

Tbh I do give sympathy and 'look after' DH when he's feeling rough with a cold etc (Make sympathetic noises and get him a drink etc) And he does the same for me when I'm ill. So it's win win.

Not the case for everyone by any means. When our kids were toddler/preschool age me and husband were both struck with a terrible sickness bug and had to take turns away from lying next to the toilet to see to them. Always when I’m ill my husband takes on more work with the children/house than usual, and I do the same when he’s ill. How a good partnership should be.

Tell him you've got rigor mortis and see if he claims that one as well.

Lol, I like the phrase Munchausen by Marriage!
What a bunch of wimps, don't wait for conscription volunteer them.

Why do you talk weakly?? Do you use this voice for every ailment, regardless of what it is??

I'm very sympathetic when he's actually ill. I was lovely when he had covid, a cracked shin, a genuine temperature.

But isn't it coincidence that he feels unspecified ill when I finally get my two month delayed birthday trip? And if I have a migraine? Or a day out? Or he utterly coincidentally wants to avoid a chore or a day trip, or something where he'd have to do something all day for someone else?

I never got last year's trip.

I may burn his Dressing Gown Of Doom next time. I haven't yet decided whether I'll let him take it off first.

I know this is supposed to be lighthearted, but ye gods, why do women put up with this crap? Are your sons learning how to be men from these men??

Happily the OP in that thread has seen the light and is looking into divorce. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4985787-to-feel-he-shouldcould-have-stepped-up?reply=132563986

Next time you get time off work pack a bag and take yourself off for a few days. Force him to cope.

Because my kids have too many Sen to parent fully alone.

We all had COVID in Nov 2022. Guess whose was worse? And guess who then had to sort out the plumber and associated massive faff when the boiler stopped working?

I've never laughed so much.

How they kept a straight face I've no idea 😁

Hahaha. I had COVID recently, had a splitting headache and a fever for a week, body aches, feeling like death. I was able to take care of 3 kids and the house. My husband catches it and takes to his bed.

Yes my husband claimed to have morning sickness when I did! He said he’d been researching and the symptoms could be catching 😂

Straight to A&E OP, this sounds very very serious. Have 111 advised if an ambulance would be best transport-wise?

The way men say they have PND really pisses me off. They might be tired, they might feel depressed, but it's not PND.

@justtidying

jesus, you poor thing. As a parent I'd have been fine with you cancelling, we could talk another time.

i hope you feel better soon.

PS: I also would have preferred you cancelled as I wouldn't want to get it.

@SwordToFlamethrower this ones a keeper then!!!

Completely off topic here. My husband was in heart failure and continued to go to work right up to diagnosis (we didn’t know.) anyways he was so ill he ended up on ecmo (life support) and they had to remove part of his heart. I mean he was unbelievably unwell.

anyways first time I was pregnant I struggled to climb stairs, breathless, couldn’t eat much but was hungry etc. standard pregnant stuff. He kept saying throughout, “oh I had that when I was in heart failure,” so basically end of pregnancies are similar to literal heart failure. so whenever one of us get sick we always remind each other of this.

anyways these posts made me laugh out loud

If he's a real man he'll be wearing a mask around you and the kids, to protect you all from catching his lurgy. So many nasty bugs doing the rounds :-(

Reading this and laughing - I also like the outrage that sometimes comes if you are not sympathetic enough - but totally wondering is this just a straight male thing?

As you asked for a male comment, here goes: I get 50% man flu - I definitely moan all the way thru it, but I still do all the usual stuff I have to do. The reason I moan is I hate colds cos they’re not bad enough to stop you doing stuff, but they’re just bad enough to make everything a little bit harder.

The thing I don’t get though is people being properly ill but not stopping doing stuff, if you’ve got D&V sit your arse down and rest. I get if there’s no one else to do stuff, but my wife and I have never judged how ill the other person is - if you’re ill, you’re ill, sit down and rest as that’s the best way to get better. No “well you could do the washing if you hobble over to the machine” - the well one gets it done knowing they can do the same when they’re ill.

illness = quilt day and time off the boring shit. work and parenting can be hard enough without killing yourself when you’re not around 100%.

being a couple where we’ve both had some serious health issues over the years we’ve learnt that not only is rest super important, but also that our time will come with the quilt soon enough

My ex husband used to lay on the sofa and ask me to dab 47-11 cologne on his forehead (as he Mum used to do). Hence the 'ex'! 😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣